(This is a continued story from yesterday.)
So, I finished up my shopping and errand-running, and my last stop was for bagels from a place not far from my house. Ava Scarlett had been chatting with me on our travels the whole time, so I wasn’t thinking much about the horrible headlines from that morning. I was actually crossing things off my mental check-list, wondering if I’d forgotten anything. Bank? Pharmacy? I dunno…
I stood in line to pay for my goods, and I noticed a woman in the “order here” part of the line with her back to me, wiping the corners of her eyes. Is she crying? I looked away, and told myself she had allergies. Or something. But when I looked up again, I could see her shoulders shaking in that tell-tale way. Sobbing, in fact. Oh god.
Like most thoughts, about a thousand of them flooded my mind in about four seconds.
Do I approach her? Wait.. no. She’ll be fine. Won’t she? She’s crying so hard… it must be something awful for her to be falling apart like this in here… I don’t want to know what it is… I have to GO! I have stuff to do! I need to feed my kid… oh GOD!
The cashier says, “That’s three dollars even,” and I hand her the money. I put my bag with the others I have, and zip up my wallet, still thinking.
Can I just walk past her? Shouldn’t I?! Maybe she doesn’t want to be bothered… privacy… maybe I can just offer her a Kleenex. Right! Kleenex!! That’s what I forgot to buy!! I don’t even have any… I can’t even help her with that! Gaaaaaah…
Oy, the conundrum. Truthfully, I didn’t really want to get involved. I didn’t want to know what was upsetting her so much – it didn’t feel like an emergency, like when someone is trying to flag someone down for help, or in a panic about something immediate. She was in line for her lunch. But also bawling her eyes out.
I had nothing to really offer her, but I just couldn’t walk past her. So, I gently touched her arm, and she turned to me, completely startled.
“Are you… okay? I’m sorry, I don’t even have a tissue to offer you…”
She looked taken aback – like I’d shocked her out of her private shell – and she stared at me for a few seconds. I felt like an idiot.
“Oui, ca va…” she answered, but then her eyes filled with fresh tears that suddenly sprang out all over the place, and she tried to mop them up with her well-worn tissue.
Ohgod…ohgod…ohgod…
She took a breath and the words tumbled out. “I’ve just found out that my boyfriend has been leading a double life…”
Ohgod…ohgod…ohgod…
“… and while I was at home nursing our baby, his other girlfriend came over to tell me that she’s pregnant and that he’s leaving me for her.” *blink*
*blink* Ho. Lee. Crap.
She sobbed anew, and I just stood there, trying not to let my mouth hang completely open, and I realised that my hand was still on her arm. She cried harder and put her hand over mine. Connected.
Ava Scarlett patted me on the leg and said, “Mummy, I want to go now…”
“Just a minute, my darling, shhhh-shhhh…”
The woman went on to angrily lament how hurt she was, and how she just couldn’t believe it, and how no woman should have to go through such a thing… she spat angry words and she cried.
And she cried. And she cried.
I didn’t hug her. I just stood there and listened to her, and agreed that it was awful, and I nodded, and I stood there, and I just let her say what she wanted to.
The waitress behind the lunch counter bleated, Suivantnext, and this poor, crying woman weakly spoke her order, and the waitress went straight to preparing it, unfazed by this scene in front of her. I added, “Can we have a napkin too, please?”
The waitress gave me two, and I handed them to the woman. She accepted with a smile, repeating over and over again that she was okay, and thank you, you’re so kind, really, thank you…
I sensed that our time was ending. It’s awkward not knowing quite when to break away. I asked, “Do you have… family? I mean, in town?”
She nodded vigourously, and assured me that she would be fine, and that she had people and friends, and that everything would be okay, but that she was just shocked. Naturally. I mean, jaaay-zusss.
I gingerly took a small step backward, and took my hand off her arm. It was over. I winked and nodded at her, and said, “Okay. Bye.” Then I left.
Outside, I exhaled – I’d been holding my breath for almost the entire time. Shitthatwasbaaaaad. Though, much worse for her, than for me, I’m certain.
And so, here again is this idea of the space between us all, and when it should be breached, and when you should just keep walking. I didn’t really want to approach her – I could have sauntered right past her, and gone on with my life… only, personally, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t trying to be nosey – in fact, I was pretty sure I DID NOT want to know about whatever it was making her feel so wretched… but it was the fact that she WAS feeling so completely wretched – crying in a public space – that I felt so compelled.
To be fair, I didn’t feel threatened at all, approaching her. She was a woman in her thirties, in the safety of a sandwich shop in my happy neighbourhood. Maybe she would have told me to mind my own business, or something, but I waged that she probably wouldn’t.
I’m not sure I would have done the same thing had it been a man sobbing in a doorway, but I might have handed him a Kleenex. (If I had one.) It a curious thing, the circumstances of what makes something feel okay to do in a situation. I’d hate to have regrets about not helping when I could have. When I should have.
I am still shaken and furious about the baby girl in China, who will probably not recover from her injuries, poor thing. I still think that helping in a situation like that is unavoidable for any person on the earth. That must never, ever happen again.
We can’t all be like the selfless man in India who hand-feeds and bathes the downtrodden in society, even though it’s the right thing to do.
No man is an island. Especially not in a crowded city, or workplace, or school. The space between us all grows larger and smaller, depending on how open our eyes are. And, on how open our hearts are. To be human, in part, is to stay connected, I think – It’s part of our social responsibility to each other. It make the world a better place for everyone in it.
I hope we all stay connected.
I’m glad to hear that I am not the only one who would have stopped to ask how the lady was (at least I believe I would).
I can’t look at anyone crying without feeling their sadness (I don’t even like to look at movies that are too sad because I’ll cry my eyes out even if I know it’s not true). I’ve often offered my ears to people I met on the bus (when I use to commute between Ottawa and Montreal) but I never had anyone cry on my shoulder but if the need had been there, so would I have.
Congratulations on your action and don’t ever stop being that way as it’s sometimes easier to talk to someone who doesn’t know your story except for what you tell them and that’s a good thing because you’re free to say everything you feel without holding back.
Thanks for being YOU
By the way, I like Ida’s comment saying that clones of you could be made as there aren’t many like you who would stop for a stranger.
Love 😉
good for you miss grumble
this is so important
xoxo
I also thinks it’s wonderful that you stopped. And that you described your thought process. There is too much space between us me thinks.
Thanks for writing this.
You’re wonderful. Truly. I’m not sure that I would have stopped, but I am so glad that you did. The worry about being rejected, or of what she might say in front of my kid, or whatever makes it easy to dismiss a person crying in public like that as someone else’s problem. It’s wonderful that you stopped. It makes me happy to know there are people like you, out in the world.
Isn’t that something? How a small, kind gesture can still resonate after so much time? I love that. I’d say you deserved that bit of kindness to come your way though, lady. You’re pretty damned sweet yourself. (In that completely salty kind of way, I mean. Heh.) 🙂
Sounds like a nice man… I love knowing there are people out there who will help in small ways. If we can, we should. That’s all.
I squeeze you, Sara. xox
I’m not, really… but being ordinary AND kind is not so very hard to be, I suppose. We should all put some goodness out there, right?
Thanks so much for reading. And for the comment!!
… and in devil’s horns… *snickers*
Idas, that is just the LOVELIEST thing to say to someone else – thank you SO kindly!! Maybe you see a light, because YOU are a light, my dear. Yes, I think so.
I love you back, woman. xoxox
One time when my babies were wee – newborn and just two – I was out with them and became compelled to throw up in a bush (sorry homeowner!). A woman came over to me and offered to help me get home. I assured it wasn’t far and I would be ok. She was then concerned about what I would do home alone with two wee ones when I was so unwell. Her kindness and caring really touched me, and I still remember 7 years later.
I love so much that you stopped – and I love how you described your thought process. A friend of mine recently got very bad news over the phone and was in a parking lot sobbing her eyes out and a man approached her and gave her kleenex and warm words – it made all the difference to her. You made a difference. We all can. If we’re up to it.
You are an amazing woman Mama
you are an angel in rockin’ shoes.
Imagine if can we clone you and make one of you for every city in the world?
Speaking every language, radiating that light you do, like a true yogi.
Sure, a few of you might get thrown into the gallows, but a whole bunch of you would end up leading a movement that would change the earth in a historical way.
Holy.
I.
LOVE.
U.
i