We are not sporty sorts of people around here. The only pair of sneakers I own have sequins on them for goodness sake. I bought my husband a pair of Vans last summer – they’re grey with white laces, and he needed them as an option to wear with linen shorts. (What can I say? He’s an elegant dude.)
When I say “sporty” I mean by the way of white athletic socks and sneakers, shiny sports-team jerseys, ball caps, basketball shorts, and the like. We don’t have any of these.
Except for a few hoodies.
Almost all of them belong to Oliver. They’re excellent for layering under thin jackets in the spring and fall, and besides which, they make for rad apparel on kids. They’re urban. They’re what all the kids are wearing. I’ll admit, I sometimes wish he’d wear that argyle sweater under a sports jacket, but he’s mostly not that kind of kid.
This morning, Oliver stepped into a pair of black Converse, and then slipped them off again, in favour of his classic checkered Vans instead. I watched him select a hoodie from one of the coat hooks in the closet. He chose the grey one he got for his birthday. Lookin’ good.
Standing behind him, I noticed how he is a miniature version of just about every lanky teenaged kid around town. Sneakers, jeans, hoodie, backpack. The only things missing were the requisite earphones, but he can’t wear those to school. (Nor outside while playing with friends, nor while riding his bike…)
Give that kid an iced tea and a bag of Skittles, and he could be lying dead on the street of a Florida housing community. *shudders*
He is not a seventeen year old kid walking home at night, and this is not Florida, I know.
But.
My bright, beautiful child has an awesome and funky afro. His smooth, shining skin is brown. Just as I discourage him from standing with his hands in his pockets when we’re in stores, I will always encourage hat-wearing over hood-wearing while he’s walking around town, especially as he grows older. And taller. I will teach him not to loiter. I will teach him to smile, and give a wide berth around others (especially women), when walking in unfamiliar neighbourhoods. Especially after the sun goes down.
I can only shake my head. It seems ridiculous and unfair to keep these sorts of mental notes in the recesses of my mind, and though we do our best to model fairness and equality in our home and in our lives, it’s a big world out there… I want him to be prepared. I want him to be safe. I want him to be wise.
I want him to be able to get a cab in any city in the world, at any time of day or night if he needs one.
My heart is heavy. You know what I mean?
It really is horrible, Annabelle. And those reminders to teach your sons? That’s not even a race-thing – that’s just good courtesy for the world, I reckon. 🙂
Such a horrible story. You did make something good come of it though by reminding me I have to teach my sons to smile more and give women room as they walk near them too.
Oh, I know!! Crazy. CRAZY!!
Though, to be fair (not that I have Geraldo’s back for any reason) I think his message was meant in the right way – just delivered badly. People should be able to wear whatever they feel suits them, day or night, but there are some harsh racist realities still looming large in places in the world. I’m never going to wear my most “comely” attire wandering around in Recently-Paroled-Ville at night for any reason, even though it would be within my rights to do so – it’s just not safe or smart. Being a person of colour, though I’m not worried about what I’m doing/wearing/eating/whatever there are times when I need to make allowances for other people’s racism. Making sure my kid is dressed in ways that don’t target him… well, that’s just part of protecting him – sad as it is. I think that’s what Geraldo meant. That does NOT mean that poor kid was asking for it though – that’s totally wrong. Of course.
This whole thing makes me nuts…
Earlier this week I saw on the news that Fox TV had Geraldo Riviera (ok seriously not a real news person, imho, but look at the coverage it has received) advising that young people not wear hoodies all I could think was that sounded distinctly like telling all females not to wear short skirts after a publicized rape. (*Oh- now I have just read Julie and Tracey on this above- so I am repeating but it requires repeating)
When the victim gets blamed I want to go crazy. CRAZY.
Oh Tracey this makes me feel so sick. Is this the world we live in?
Thank you for beating me to it and covering this frightening story.
You’re right, lady – the prosecutor here has done a lousy job so far… but an arrest is so far beyond the pale at this point, I don’t even know what to think. A poor kid is dead, and his parents grieve. And there’s no reason for this to have happened in the first place. Even if the man goes to jail for one hundred years, it doesn’t change the fact that a young boy is dead, and he didn’t deserve to die. It’s SCANDALOUS!!
It’s awful, Mar – were there prior complaints about this assailant? I haven’t delved too deeply… this whole thing makes me sick to my stomach too. 🙁
Oh yes, I know all about that Geraldo thing… and as much as I find it gross that he’s of the “asking for it” persuasion, I think I kinda get what he means. I don’t like any of this one bit. It’s all rather uncomfortable, and I wish I could live my life not worrying about what OTHER people think and do, but… well, people get shot when the small-minded carry guns. That’s all I’m sayin’. It’s terrible.
Tracey, as always beautifully written and ofcourse you’ve bought a tear to my eye. (lots actually) As a prosecutor this sickens me. My job (as a prosector) is, has always been and forever will be to SEEK JUSTICE. This is the job of every prosecutor in the United States. Unfortunatley this Prosecutor in Florida didnt do his job. I can only pray that the new special prosecutor conducts a full investigation.
The fact that you have this concern makes me sick to my stomach, along with tears in my eyes! It is disgusting what happened in Florida & I’m with you, people just shouldn’t have guns, it’s simple…I just don’t understand, given his prior complaints why this guy wasn’t in a psych ward earlier?!
i’m MAD! there’s some excellent links at buzzfeed you should check out. geraldo rivera is on the “news” saying treyvon was ASKING FOR IT because he was wearing a hoodie. you know, like you’re asking for it when you wear a mini-skirt? what a farce! thoughts to the family….
I know – I try so hard to keep anxiety about my kids’ safety at bay, and then this kind of story comes out, and I just want to lock them in the house. Sadly, this thing that’s happening isn’t new – it’s very, very old… I kind of can’t believe it’s still a thing. It’s unsettling and awful. Le sigh.
Geez. I didn’t quite know where this post was going. When I read the ice tea/skittles line my stomach dropped…
I am sick over that story. Just sick.
I have so much anxiety as it is. What is happening to our world?
Dude, I know. I look at my cute little boy, and I can’t believe someone could ever find him “menacing” or “scary” in any way. Ever. Uch.
On top of it all, I just don’t understand why the guy with the gun wasn’t taken into custody. This part is making me insane. And so sad. I feel sick for that kid’s poor parents… What a senseless occurrence. And also? PEOPLE SHOULDN’T HAVE GUNS!!
What a great post Tracy – but one I wish you didn’t have to write about. I am so enraged and filled with disbelief over this whole incident in Florida. I just need someone to explain to me how the HELL this happens! I can’t understand it.