I see you every day at the gym
You are there when I get there and still there when I leave
I look at your body and see your dedication and painstakingly hard work
I study you.
Skin stretching over bone with such precision it is like an anatomy class.
Our eyes always meet
I don’t know how to react
Today was different. I decided to smile. I smiled with all my heart.
I tried to say “you are good enough” with my eyes.
I don’t understand why you don’t eat
I don’t understand why you work your body to the bone and then look in the mirror and see ugly and fat.
What is going on with you ?
Tomorrow I will speak to you.
Tomorrow I will say something that makes sense.
I hope.
Thank you for this insight- this is very helpful. I think being kind and sincere is always the answer and this advice of yours is spot on.
Nancy, i agree with you there. she does need a “friend” but she has to be the one to warm up to you. keep on saying hello, even if she brushes you off. Its hard for girls like that to talk to other people. your always worried that they will leave you, that there is some ulterior motive or they are only being nice because others want something.
“ana” convinces you that only she and she alone is your friend and protector. that others are out to hurt you.
also – not to save her life- just want to stop and be human. Sometimes that little bit can make a difference.
lucinda- you are so right and I could not agree more. I think a warm hello is plenty seeing as that alone could be invasive. If she wants to talk I will be open but not push.
asking if shes training for something is fine. but DO NOT. try to save her. to not try to tell her all those things your thinking. she wont hear you, she wont understand you and she will hate you for it and shy away from you.
speak to her as a gym freind. causally but dont be pushy at the beginning. talk to her as you woud a normal person. ask hows shes doing how her day is. talk about anything but her weight and how she looks. learn about her personality. but dont be to freindly at frist. let her warm up to you.
girls like that ( trust me i know). have a hard time having freinds and having a “normal conversation. keep it casual. do not try to argue with her or convince her of what she already believes is true. trust me on this one. its hard to see someone like that, but you cant “save her”. trying to will hurt her more and will kill you.
start with a hello.
Nancy, it is a good thing that there are people like you in the world. Don’t be afraid to say something even if you are unsure if it will help, because you never know, it just may. I can’t remember what snapped me out of it honestly but after about 3 years of starving myself I realized I wanted to eat again. There are no scales in my house now and I have taught my kids to love the bodies they are in and to give their bodies proper fuel and nutrutuion. Honestly, I wish a Nancy had been there for me.
oh ally. So hard.
Scales are only for weighing luggage before a trip.
Fitted jeans let us know all we need to know beyond that!
wow what a powerful post Nancy! It brought back a flood of memories of when I was on the national team and striving to have that perfect gymnast body – how I wished someone had helped and noticed what was going on like you have done! I think asking if she is training for something is a good way to start….. you are such an amazing woman Nancy and I am so lucky to have been able to have you in my life!:) Good luck:)
I hope you find the words to break through to her. I was this girl when I was in my late teens. I haven’t owned or stepped on a scale in about 25 years.
Yikes, lady…
Smiles are good though. At least to start, I think.
what do you think I should say? I was going to ask her if she was training for something and just be kind and warm.
If only we could see ourselves the way other people see us… Good luck!
OMG, Nancy. I totally know what you mean. I causally know someone like this and have tried to get to “know” her a little bit and see what is going on but it is impossible. It is so sad and really tragic. Good luck reaching out to her. I am sure even your smile made a difference.