Do you know why my blog is called Losing It? It’s not only because this life is such a wild and crazy busy ride that I often feel like I’m losing my marbles, although that’s a convenient coincidence as it turns out.
Many of you likely don’t remember, but way back in May 2006 when I started this blog, it was called “An Urban Mom’s Weight Loss Diary”. On the day I started my blog, I tipped the scales at a scary 217.2 pounds, and over the course of my very successful journey with Weight Watchers, I lost slightly more than fifty pounds and managed to keep most of it off for several years before dropping out of the program just a few pounds shy of my goal weight.
But this is not the pretty kind of before and after story. Maybe it should actually be a before and after and before again kinda story:
BEFORE: At my heaviest, about 18 months after the birth of my second daughter.
AFTER: At my thinnest, in 2008.
BEFORE AGAIN: December 2012
The truth is, I’m an emotional eater. And in the past four years, I’ve run the gamut of negative emotions – I sat helplessly by as my mother died of cancer, and then discovered that losing your mother isn’t in fact the worst pain a person can endure as I agonized and fought to save both my marriage and myself. In the end, only one of us would survive that fight, and I came out on the other side to face alone the struggles of single motherhood and the serious and ongoing illness of a child.
So yes. I’ve eaten my way out of more than one depression, thank you very much. And just as the stretchmarks on my belly are the battle scars of motherhood, the extra pounds on my body are the battle scars of other struggles, just as intense and ultimately rewarding. Still: they’re not a badge I wear with honour, but one I’d rather do without, thank you very much.
Now, unlike many women I know, I am quite comfortable with my self as a larger woman, and I don’t obsess (anymore) about being model-skinny. I don’t work out like crazy and I don’t beat myself up over the odd dietary indulgence or glass of wine. I actually think I have a pretty balanced perspective.
I know I’m very, very happy in the 175-185 range and that 185 pounds is my upper limit for comfort and happiness, and yet I can’t even see 185 in the rearview mirror. I slowly crept towards and past that limit and although I’m still a good 20 pounds shy of my heaviest weight (the first before picture), I’m also well above my personal “healthy and happy” range. I feel gross and sluggish and ugly. And I don’t like that.
So what’s a gal to do? If you cared to go back and read every blog entry I’ve written since May 2006, you’d see that I’ve tried a lot of different approaches to weight loss. But here’s what it comes back to for me. The one that worked, the one that clicked, the one that was most right for me? That was Weight Watchers. So get ready 2013, because I’ll be kicking it old school with some brand new research to back me up in the next phase of my weight loss journey.
You know where I said I’m an emotional eater? Yeah, that. Well Weight Watchers has done a lot of research recently on the concept of “hedonic hunger”, (or eating for pleasure). This explains why, in the words of Karen Miller-Kovach, Chief Scientific Officer, Weight Watchers International, “it’s human nature for you to eat a healthy and satisfying meal, but then not be able to resist that piece of chocolate cake.”
Unbelievably, a study has shown that food is so easily accessible that the average person makes over 200 food-related decisions every day, but is only aware of approximately 15 of them. Because we are biologically-programmed to choose fattier, saltier or sweeter foods, and are inundated with so many choices, we are actually pre-disposed to making unhealthy decisions.
Word.
So how will this help me? Well, it turns out that – like all humans – I’m prone to hedonic hunger. These folks indicated that weekday evenings are when they desire unhealthy foods the most, listing potato chips and chocolate as the foods they find most tempting. Forty-one per cent cited “I like the taste” as the main reason for eating unhealthy foods. Well, obviously. Why else would I eat Salt & Vinegar chips? I’m not an idiot – I know they’re terrible for me in pretty much every way – and yet I still reach for them over and over again. It’s like I have NO. WILLPOWER.
But here’s the thing, according to Weight Watchers, willpower is a myth. I know, right? All these years I’ve been beating myself up for not having it, and the thing turns out to be a myth! So anyway, Weight Watchers plans to debunk the willpower myth and tackle hedonic hunger head on. How? They have a new program for 2013: the 360° program. It builds on the PointsPlus® plan I had such great success with, but also includes new strategies and tools to help establish healthy habits.
So there you have it – I’ll be starting off the new year on the right footing, putting this new research on hedonics to the test and getting myself back to where I like to be – in my happy range.
You gonna come along on the journey with me?
How great of you to open up and share your journey with everyone. I too have embarked on a weightloss journey of my own. Let 2013 be the year of change that starts us on our journey to a life time of healthier and happier versions of our current selves!
Thanks Tammy! I’m not always the best at seeing things through so it’s nice to hear someone say they admire my perseverance…maybe I’m not as much of a quitter as I sometimes think I am 🙂
Thanks Nancy, and ditto! To everything: friendship and cookie dough – which, in my experience, are two things that go together uncommonly well 😉
Thanks, Erin. I truly believe we all become stronger when we are open about our own foibles and weaknesses. It’s important to be able to let go of guilt, anger, blame and other negative emotions…we can’t move forward in a positive way until we do. Blogging one way for me to do that.
Yo – wouldn’t have it any other way 😉 Go, us!
Thanks Julie! The smile is genuine. I just need to get the “inside me” to match the “outside me”, yanno?
Awww, thanks Sara 🙂 For what it’s worth, I think you’re amazing too!
Thank you Tracey! Support and accountability…that’s what it’s all about.
Sonya, I’m also a 2-cup-a-day coffee drinker…but that’s the least of my vices. I think snacking is okay if you’re making good choices – it’s just that I have been choosing chips and candy instead of fruit and veggies lately! That’s not so good…
Thank you Josie! Yes, Jennifer Hudson is really inspiring, isn’t she? New year, new day, new dawn…I like that!
Thanks Leslie – I understand the “ongoing relationship” thing! But hey, it works so that’s why I keep coming back to it!
Great to hear from you Candace! I know, the excuses are always there and ready…sometimes you just have to commit and do it. That’s what I’m planning to do this time!
Amazing Story. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you last few years. I admire your courage and perseverance. I hope that you have great success with your goals!
Amazing Story. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you last few years. I admire your courage and perseverance. I hope that you have great success with your goals!
I like you so much Kath even though we have never met.
Brave for sharing, honest sharing.
just got in and it is ten pm and all I could think of was the frozen cookie dough in my fridge. I ate a sizable wedge for no good reason.
best of luck and I am cheering you on xoxox
Kath, You are an amazing human. Truly inspiring. Thank you for being so open and sharing your struggles. You’ve helped me by sharing. You will rock WW! xoxo
You know I’ll be right there with you, girl! Kickin’ it old school at WW!!
i agree with sara, too! the first thing i noticed was your face…then i saw “before” and “after” and looked at the body. i think that as long as that smile stays then it’s right for you! 🙂
the willpower thing was interesting, i’ve never heard that before. good luck with this journey!
You know what I love Kath? Scroll at all of those pictures and all I see is the big smile. You are amazing! You can do it! You’re motivated and WW is such an awesome program. My mom lost 45 lbs on it – I’m a big believer. Love love love that pic of you and the girls.!
Thanks for sharing, Kath… you know I’m rooting for you, SO HARD! You can do it!! #proud
Kath, thank you so much for opening up and being so honest about yourself! You’ve put so much into perspective. Thank you!!! I’m curious about Weight Watchers and have heard so many positive results from my friends. I will definitely follow along here and learn about the new program and what your experience is. I’m a constant snacker on most days when I’m not accountable to anyone else – so my eating habit is less than stellar. Popcorn is my weakness and a couple cups of coffee. ugh! Thanks for allowing us to take this journey with you!I may just join the bandwagon!
First, you have a beautiful family and second, so great you are taking this journey one more time. I am a true believer that WW is the the best weight loss program out there and even it is hard to make work! Its a new year, its a new day, its a new dawn…ahh if we could all be Jennifer Hudson….can’t wait to see where this road takes you!
What an inspiring beginning, end and beginning again. I can’t wait to watch your journey this time. Weight Watchers and I have had an ongoing relationship for many years. I am interested in learning about this new approach. My last 10 lbs has been with me since puberty…would love to be able to rid of it for ever!!! Best of luck on this new adventure! I will be watching!!
Wow, Katherine, I’ve been debating going back to WW myself and I think your blog post is the final sign from the universe that I need to go for it. That, and the postcard I just got for lifetime members to rejoin for a cheap weekly rate (funny how they just assume I’ve gained a bit of weight because I haven’t been coming to the meetings… Hmmm.). Well, actually, I am about 7 pounds above my lifetime goal weight (which is itself about 5 pounds above a weight I was able to comfortably maintain and for which most of my wardrobe is suited, unfortunately). I know the program is brilliant and it works, but I keep telling myself “I know what to do”, “I don’t have time to go to meetings”, “maybe I’ll rejoin after my daughter’s birthday”, etc, etc, which are of course just bullshit stories I tell myself often enough to sort of believe them. So, this weekend I’m going to re-up and work on my healthy eating, and I’ll look forward to hearing how you are doing too. Good luck!!