Will and his buddy Grace had music class last night (SO AWESOME – he was playing a hand drum and loving it!). G’s mom Susannah and I were outside waiting when she pulled out some Cadbury cream eggs for a snack. I immediately made a face and she screamed ‘I KNEW IT – the thought of this makes you gag – doesn’t it??” Bang on. Absolutely. Give me a plain, old chocolate Ester egg. I like a real egg yolk – not some fake candied thing (barfing now).
This led to a random side convo and had us googling how many sphincters there are in a human body. Oh yes we did. Did you know there are over 50??? I thought we all just had one!
Anyway! My stomach and I have always had an interesting relationship. When I’m nervous or anxious, my belly becomes my worst enemy. It rejects everything that I have to offer. It sends a message to my throat and says DO NOT ACCEPT – SPIT THAT S*&T OUT. It’s awkward – and generally why I used to always opt for drinks as opposed to dinner on a first date. But aside from nerves, there are just certain things that it can’t handle…the thought of them just gives me those weird sweats and tongue swells (know the ones? You generally get them after a few Jager shots).
What are my big gross out triggers?
* gum…or any kind of candy that isn’t plain chocolate – yes it’s crazy but as I said to someone last week crazy = hot, right??
* soft crap in the middle of a food – who needs that? Fruit explosion muffins? Menthos? I don’t like surprises in my food.
* regurgitated food – this needs no explaining
* people with weird joints – I have a hard time when someone can bend their thumb back and touch their wrist. Sue me. (oh and after this pic…add long red nails to the list..gag)
* liver – it’s an ORGAN. Insert organ gagging jokes here.
* rice pudding – I’m not sure that pudding needs to have a texture.
* flavoured coffee – have a coffee AND a cinnamon bun…don’t make the coffee taste like one. UGH.
* anything licorice flavoured – honestly? Just the thought of the smell of it is making my throat close up right now.
* Susannah’s kale chips – (Chips = Potatoes. PERIOD)
So. Bring it on. Susannah was mocking the crap out of me last night – I can handle it.
OR…are you ready to admit that you’re sort of the same? What are your gross out triggers?
HEIDI! Oh MY GOD – that picture! I’m dying – I screamed at my office! So funny!
I have many odd and not-so-odd things that gross me out (I feel so 80s typing that out! Gag me with a spoon!)
1: chicken drumsticks. Do not include them in any box of fried chicken, and keep them the heck away from me! Too many weird colors and wiggly things going on in there.
2: Mango ANYTHING. Seriously, I have yet to enjoy mango no matter how many companies try to pretty it up. It tastes like a combination of butt and sweet grass.
3: Earwigs and Orb Weaver Spiders. ’nuff said.
4: The feel of microfiber dishcloths on my skin, especially when wet. *shudder*
5: Chalazae, otherwise known as that slimy white wormy bit attached to a fresh egg yolk (yeah, I had to Google it, because I figured it had a real name, and voila! there it was). I KNOW it is just a bit of connective tissue and not a chicken embryo, and technically no different from the whites or the yolk, but ICK. JUST. ICK.
6: Finding the remnants of something once mammalian in nature in a new bottle of fabric softener. Worse – finding it after whipping up some homemade febreeze and squirting dead THING juice all over the house! (seriously, I have a photo on my blog, and put that as my URL here.)
Caitlin – I thought of you and Jen this am when I was carrying my kids socks in my teeth down the stairs…was thinking how you guys would be gagging!!!
Funny thing Carlo – we NEVER put it together. When they were just about a year we went to a class together and all the other moms were like ‘oooh Will and Grace so cute’…we were like ‘oh yeah – hilarious!
oh my god Candace….I laughed so hard at the ‘men touching their own nipples’ line…AWESOME!
As a rule, soft crap in the middle of my food, as well. (Easter cream eggs and Boston Creme donuts excepted) And yes, definitely long nails with curves in them….especially if the person types using the nails only! Ewww!
Also:
Nipple rings or men who touch their own nipples. I blanche and feel dizzy.
Squeaky colouring markers scratching paper…Makes my teeth sweat!
Those translucent/pink worms that fill up the sidewalks after it rains and curl up and convulse spasmodically, so it’s hard to find a place to step without touching them. (Panic welling up in me just thinking about it!)
Touching the covers in a hotel (I don’t even want to imagine who has laid on them before me or what they have done, without them being washed!)
It’s like Seinfeld said, no one thinks their own neuroses are strange! 😉
When I was pregnant, I was convinced that there was a terrible smell coming through our furnace vents. So, you can imagine, I was gagging every second I was in my house. Pair that with ‘morning’ sickness, and it was a ‘lovely’ 9 months. The smell is gone (or never there, as everyone tells me), but sometimes I get a wiff of it, and *blech!!! barf!*
I don’t think I am easily grossed out ’cause reading this I’m thinking – you wimps! Easter cream eggs?! Really?! I’m with Julie, send ’em over!
But then I read Caitlin’s about the – I can’t even type it! – mitten in the teeth and I literally have shivers and a sick feeling in my stomach.
Here is my list:
1. The mitten thing.
2. Runny eggs – dudes, they are NOT COOKED
3. The smell of other people’s poo/farts (smells are tiny particles of things so…)
4. The smell of vomit
5. This is a weird one and, hopefully, one I will NEVER experience again – a maggot ridden dead raccoon carcass (or likely any animal) *shudder* *gag*
That’s all 😛
I, like you Sara can not stand even reading about those Easter Creme Eggs.. blech! I also can’t stand:
1. Snot – even the word is disgusting! I had a dog sneeze on me once, still makes be gag thinking of it!
2. Baby Poop – can you tell I am not a mom!
3. Tin Foil – makes my teeth hurt just thinking of it, and i am also gagging!
4. Any food touching on my plate – ask any of my friends, I have seperated plates still at 39 years old!
I am sure there are many more, but I am gagging to much to finish the list….. 🙂
Will and Grace. Really?
Not too much grosses me out… But what does is
1. The touch of fabric on my teeth! (Even the thought of it grosses me out. When my daughter tries to take her mittens off with her teeth, it makes me want to gag!)
2. Other peoples cuts. I can watch whatever csi type show and I couldn’t care less. Lob off one of my limbs and I could stare right at it! But if someone else shows me the smallest of cuts? That’s nasty!!
(**Oh I don’t mean toes on a baby. I mean the little, useless pinky toes)
The following 4 things make me shudder and gag:
1) Loose teeth
2) Baby toes
3) Bellybuttons
4) Long acrylic nails (like the Long Island Medium…blech)
people who can bug out their eyes! gah! by the way, i’ll take one for the team and eat ALL the easter creme eggs!