Man my post seem so benign compared to the fun time over at the infidelity section!
My kids are infatuated with swear words.
Both of them started off with the pees and poos but now, bless their arduous souls, they have graduated to the more graphic and descriptive words about intercourse and feces. I am beaming with pride.
Now now swift judgers, they boys are not parading down Yonge street, doo rags on, boxers poking out the back of their sagging jeans, cursing at the elderly. But they are recognizing swear words that may slip out during a movie or even catch the embedded words in other words like assumption or motherf**cker (kidding! Can you tell I am feeling threatened by Amy, Urbanmoms newest and most contentious blogger?).
Is it a big deal? The argument I have with Hud and the fascination is that it is simply not classy, that there are so many other, better words out there to use in most situations. (I fully endorse swearing for impact by adults, some words just have a certain time and place). There is no way my household will become a safe haven of profanity, but I also can’t stop the snickers and giggles at the playground as both my boys whisper these words to their friends. I know I did it and, unless I am sitting with multiple pitchers and a group of men, I keep the string of swear words pretty tight.
So where is the line? Just ban it from my household with the knowledge that it happens when i am not around?
I’ve never been comfortable swearing. I remember in high school English having to read out loud a part in a play and there was a swear word – it wasn’t a major one, but I still had a really hard time saying it and I know my face was bright red. Hubby rarely swears usually only when tools are involved. I’m personally uncomfortable when every sentence someone says contains a swear word. The occasional swear – whatever.
We’ve had the discussion with the boy (13) about swearing with the agreement – I don’t really care if he swears around his friends, but there is no swearing in the house (by his friends either), around adults, younger kids, or females (his 14 yo sister doesn’t want to hear it). Also had the discussion that it is probably better if he doesn’t swear all the time so it doesn’t “slip out” accidentally at the wrong time or place.
When I gave him permission to swear, his eyes lit up and he was “really? I can swear around my friends?” It has since taken away some of the forbidden fruit aspect of swearing and he doesn’t swear nearly as much as he used to.
It really comes down to your personal opinion and the nature of the child.
My oldest (“4 & three quaters”) reported this yesterday:
“Ryan said a word Daddy. A word, well I don’t want to say it – think of all the words that start with ‘Fuh’. ‘Fuh’, ‘Fuh’, ‘Fuh'”…
It’s coming.
I swear and I am sure my kids swear (13 and 14). I tell them I know they know the words, but do not use them if they do not know what they mean, be careful who you use them in front of and know they will be judged by the company they keep!! (thats what my mom use to always say to me)!!
I have to come back here and let you know that I can’t stop laughing at OH CHRISTMAS.
…still laughing…
Well I’ll be honest and admit that we swear in front of the kids. MY kids, nobody else’s.
There may have even been a few harried mornings where I’ve told my 11yr old to “get into the f*cking van NOW”
They know that swear words are for adults only. Like beer.
I have never heard any of them swear. I’m sure my oldest does it with his buddies, but I’ve never heard it at home. My middle ones asks all the time when he can swear – I tell him when he’s in high school.
My littlest seems oblivious.
Eff yah! 😉
Thanks Jen (and everyone!).
I have the same conversation with Hud (age 9) about him being the catalyst to the adding of more responsibility in his life. Prove to me you are old enough to do something by making decisions that are worthy of more freedom.
I don’t expect I will ever be comfortable with either of my boys freely swearing as I still see my father wince when I release a Sam Jacksonesque fury of F-bombs for what I perceive as a justified reason (anger, tipsiness, the Raptors turning the ball over).
As with most parenting decisions, choosing your battles is a great way to maintain some -effing- sanity.
J.
I have a LOT of 13 year old boys in my house a lot of them time and there is some pretty colourful language. I usually leave them to it when they are ministicking or pounding their chests in some other form. My 9 y/o daughter has little interest in swearing at this point.
But I have spoken to my kids about it and my philosophy is, “If you are mature enough to use the words you are mature enough to know when and how they are appropriate.” We talked about teachers and other people’s homes and how I am not their friend so this language is not appropriate. We also discussed the difference between using certain words to bring a point home and using them to hurt someone. THAT is never OK.
My husband and I definitely let these words slip but I grew up in a house with a Newfoundlander who, despite being a lawyer, swore like a truck driver. And I don’t think I am particularly free with the F bomb.
I think if it is positioned as a responsibility they have as part of growing up it is less about obeying you and more about proving they can be trusted to use them. If they don’t then they obviously aren’t mature enough to use them yet.
I think I’ll always curb it – I don’t want to hear it from a kid’s mouth. There are bound to be times when they’ll liberally pepper their conversations with it, but I’d rather they not use it in front of me, or other grown-ups. they should do it in secret until they’re close to 30 years of age, as god intended. (I still feel weird swearing in front of my mother… though, I’m a master at it, of course – I learned from her.)
I also have 2 boys and my oldest (8) loves to swear. He gets the lecture every time but I also have a potty mouth so I really have no clue how to treat it. This post is right on cue for me because this weekend I caught my younger son (almost 6) calling his older brother a F…. A…hole & I had to bite my tongue not to laugh before proceeding to lecture him too. I think it’s best not to make too much of a big deal, as long as (a) they don’t swear in class and (b) never ever ever in front of my mother! Boys will be boys, I’m told over & over.
I don’t plan on banning it – how can I when I swear a ton. (my grandmother would say that’s why I’m single…I told her to f(*k off…(kidding!!!!). But totally agree – time and place. Sorry but when someone smashes their finger with a hammer and yells – OH CHRISTMAS…it’s just wrong.