My wife and are in one of those cycles where we barely see each other. It is like I am always just waking up and she is always just coming to bed. We are tagging off like behemoth wrestlers, ready to get in the ring with our two boys and their very real needs and desires.
I often wonder how that affects them in these formative years, to live with two parents full time, but often suffering from elongated spells of being taken care of by only one?
There is no blame here, it’s not like I am doing all the cooking (wait, what?) or Steph is doing all the nighttime bedtime routines (yes she is, my bedtime routine lately has been falling asleep in the leather chair covered in orange Crunchit dust, glass of icy DC melting by my side), it is just a period of time where both of us have secured new jobs with new responsibilities with equally serious demands on our time.
Oh sugar booger…how I sometimes miss you.
Reading Sonya’s great interview about the scheduling of sex (not cuddle time) is a tough deal and not really our bag of corn nuts. We considered scheduling a date night, but even that seems to be a recipe for overshooting expectations, especially with the burlap sack of lack of sleep rippling through my pudge and Steph’s inability to say no to freelance work stealing away her nights.
So we ride it out, as we do, and wait for better days. Where we suddenly find ourselves with a respite from the grind, a quiet moment – not just for sex, but sure why not if we can – but to just find the solace in each others solace.
And morph back into the partnership we truly are.
Amen.
It’s helpful to think of it as a bump that you are riding out. Not a rut.
What helps me out in busy or burdensome times is to simplify radically.
Slow it dooooowwn. I don’t prefer life this way but it’s the only way I avoid ugly burnout.
We do what is necessary and enjoyable. I am ruthless about it.
We boycott the “shoulds” and “coulds”.
We explain to people around us, without guilt but with honesty. We prioritize.
I don’t want to look back on my life having been too busy for what’s important.
It’s a work in progress to know when to surrender to when life is too much.
It can make me sad or crazy some days, but it just has to be that way sometimes.
I really love this Ray Bradbury quote, it helps be keep focused.
“Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and let others move forward with it.” ~ Ray Bradbury
May your paths be smoother, very soon.
It IS good to know it’s just like this some of the time… I don’t love the idea of scheduling “cuddle time” either – we don’t do that – but I find just knowing we’re both on the same page about it – needing a window but not seeing one just yet – can be enough. (Kinda.)
I’m sure there is something in the air, Alanna, because we’re living this too. Our anniversary is coming up on June 8, and we always have good intentions of actually honouring our relationship on that day, but between kids with birthdays on June 2 and 9, kids who play way too many sports, Fun Fairs, Grad Committees, work stuff and high school reunion planning, we’ll be lucky to find a minute to shake hands and congratulate one another on another year done.
We’ll ride it out, and look forward to a magical week in July when all 3 kids are at camp/cottage and we are in the city. Alone. Together.
My husband and I are going through a similar stretch at the moment (is there something in the air?) and it sucks. It doesn’t help that I’m 8 months pregnant either. Glad to hear we’re not the only ones 🙂