Up until a few weeks ago I had put very little thought into turning The Big 4-0. Most of my close friends had celebrated this milestone in the last few years and I have never really been one to worry much about aging. Mostly, I feel grateful. I am happy, successful and healthy as I enter this next stage of my life in 3 short weeks. But over the last little while there have been a few other thoughts lingering and bubbling to the surface and I am beginning to wonder if I am really all that fine with 40 after all.
5 Thoughts On Turning 40:
- My Sisters – This seems like a weird thing to be worrying about at 40 but, be patient with me. I am one of three sisters and we are extremely close. My sisters are my closest friends and when I thought about myself all grown up with a family I pictured us together. I pictured our kids growing up seeing each other every Sunday for family dinner. I pictured us vacationing together, renting a cottage or exploring beach resorts. I imagined our kids as best buddies and us watching contentedly as these built-in friendships flourished. I always thought we would live in the same city.
- My Mom – Obviously I miss my mom. I really miss her. Especially now. But more than that I can’t help thinking about her as I approach this milestone. I remember when she turned 40 and everyone joked that she was “middle aged” and commented that the “second half” of her life had now begun and it was all downhill from here. Of course we had no idea that she had, in fact, already lived nearly 2/3 of her life and that, for her, middle age had happened years before. That scares me. I don’t want that to be me.
- My Future – I don’t want this to sound all mid-life-crisis-y or anything but I know it probably does. As I approach 40 I can’t help but think, “is this it?” I mean this mostly on a professional, learning level. I can’t help but wonder whether there is more out there for me and I am missing it because I’m not looking in the right place. Because I am so immersed in here & now. I know I have so much more to experience. I know I have so many more places to visit. I envision many more adventures in my future. What else is out there for me?
- Myself – I often think about how much I have changed in the last 5, 10, 20 years. And I am assuming that, looking back in another 5, 10 or 20, I will feel the same way. But now that I am older I know that I will be changing. Unlike the arrogance of youth, I don’t believe I know everything, I want to learn and grow. So, I think about how I can set myself up for these new learning experiences and growth opportunities. I don’t want the opportunities to pass me by.
- Fear & Excitement – This is probably the most unexpected. Sometimes I am afraid. I spent my early adulthood fantasizing about and then living marriage and parenthood but I never spent any time thinking about what comes next. I just never looked that far ahead. So, it is like this big abyss, this blank slate, and that is overwhelming. But, at the same time, it is exciting. It is full of potential and promise. It could be anything I want it to be. Again, overwhelming.
Well, 40. Here I come! I hope I’m ready. And I hope the next 40 (’cause that’s how I have to look at it) bring me as much joy as the first.