Yesterday morning I was at Starbucks for my daily fix. It is a busy spot bustling with activity and people. There is music and laughter and conversation. But this day was different. On this day, from the minute I walked in, there was screaming and crying. I went all of the way through the line, waiting at the bar for my drink, and stood chatting with a neighbour. All the while this child continued to scream and cry. And as patrons got more and more annoyed the child began to have a full out tantrum.
Avoiding it was no longer possible so my neighbour and I began to seek out the source of the noise. As we looked around we saw eye rolling, people getting up to leave, and at the very front of the shop, strapped into a highchair convulsing and screaming at full blast was a little boy. And beside this little boy, lounging in one of the comfy leather chairs, was his mom staring out the window talking on her cell phone. Occasionally she would lean over and stuff a piece of muffin in his mouth which he promptly spit out but not once did she attempt to comfort him or get him out of the chair. Nor did she look over and smile or apologize to all of the other people attempting to have a quiet morning coffee or conversation.
Now, let me stop here to clarify. I am a mom. More importantly, I was once a mom of a crier. You know, the kid that no matter where you take him (in my case it was my son) he is miserable. Coffee shops, restaurants, the mall, a friend’s house, the park, the zoo, the car, the stroller were all torture devices for my easily overstimulated baby. I get it. I was desperate to get out. I was desperate to socialize and have adult conversation. I was lonely and sick and tired of this crying baby.
However, I also knew when it was time to call it quits. When I had a responsibility, not just to my baby but to my friends and the other guests in the shop/restaurant/etc. So there were many, MANY times when attempts to calm him were not working that I had to pick up my screaming baby and leave. Even when I really, REALLY wanted to stay, I left. Because this is the right and respectful thing to do for everyone else involved.
Now, there are obviously circumstances and situations where this is impossible. For example, flash back to my first flight as a new mom in November of 1999. I walked those skinny isles of that plane with an on and off screaming baby strapped to me for over four freaking hours. I did everything I could to keep him quiet and calm with intermittent success. I was sweating, tired and close to tears myself by the time we arrived but I had had no choice. I could obviously not get off the plane.
But mostly this is not the case and there are options. Certainly this woman at Starbucks had a choice. And her choice was obvious. She chose to ignore her unhappy child and the increasing frustration of her neighbours and think only about herself. She looked away from her child and the hairy eyeball of the other patrons and continued on her phone call.
Was she making a point? I’m not sure but her message was loud and clear – I have just as much right to be here as you do. And yes, she does. But because of this attitude things like this happen that ruin it for everyone. They ruin it for those of us whose children are well behaved and happy to be there or those of us who just simply want some peace and quiet.
But in my opinion this is not really about rights at all, it is about respect. We wouldn’t have to make rules and sue and have laws about this if people simply respected those around them.
What do you think? Has this ever happened to you?