This has been a hot topic lately both in the media and in my circle of friends. If you follow moms on twitter or facebook or read their blogs you too will see that jokes about drinking or prescription drug use are rampant. But are they really joking? The sad thing is that many are not.
This may be a huge generalization but from what I see (this is MY opinion and experience), stay-at-home moms who had a career but now don’t work are the most vulnerable. Those whose husbands make a lot of money and are not around a lot. Those whose lives revolve around their kids and their friends. Those who have little sense of self-worth and accomplishment in their daily lives. Some of these women are lonely and bored and their worlds are so small. Some of them fill this void with drinking. It starts innocently enough at playdates, lunches, and evenings out but then with the stress of raising kids, the lack of stimulation and an often absent husband, drinking fills the gap.
Recently Oprah had an episode on moms who drink and drive. Many of these moms are in complete denial about a) the safety issues and b) the fact that this is a major red flag that something just ain’t right. It is amazing what we can convince ourselves of when we want to.
Then, 20/20 did an episode on moms who drink and it was so sad that I cried. I cried because I can relate to watching someone quickly slip into depression, alcoholism and self-destruction and not know what to do about it. I can relate to watching a friend make excuses, drink and drive, and make a fool out of themselves publicly all while pretending that nothing out of the ordinary is going on or, more often, placing the blame somewhere else. I can relate to her isolating herself, making decisions under the influence and putting her children and others at risk.
I have listened as people laughed and gossiped but most often I have listened as concerned friends ask, “what can we do to help?” But none of us know. We don’t know what to do. We are watching someone self-destruct. She is falling apart but she has pulled away so far that she is, in many ways, unrecognizable.
Plus, we are afraid. We are afraid of being wrong, of being shunned or of taking on someone else’s baggage. We are afraid she will turn us away, denying there is a problem yet again. We are afraid something terrible will happen as we sat around trying to figure out what to do. We are afraid to take her private shame public even though it is obvious and everyone knows, we all turn a blind eye.
So, my UrbanMom friends, I ask you, what do we do? Can we help her if she doesn’t want to be helped? Have you ever been through anything like this? What did you do? Now, I don’t need some self-righteous “you should be ashamed of yourself for not stepping in sooner” garbage. We have tried. Many of us. To no avail. Desperate times, folks.