Me and My New Friend, Liz.

Last night, thanks to our friends at Indigo, the UrbanMoms Book Club was lucky enough to go and see Heather Reisman In Conversation with author Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love and now Committed fame. I admit, I probably wouldn’t have gone if it weren’t for the big group. Although I enjoyed her books I was not crazy about them and, honestly, I was a little bit suspicious of Ms. Gilbert. Because who is possibly that self-aware? Who can spend so much time navel gazing in the real world? I guess I didn’t totally trust that someone could actually be this person I was reading about in her books. Not that it seemed disingenuous, her writing is sincere, it just seemed impossible.

In my personal experience, a woman like this simply doesn’t exist in real life. No woman I have ever met has made decisions solely for herself or has spent time figuring out who she wants to be and then taken the time to become that person. Many of us are working on it but life takes over and, as Liz herself said, women are conditioned to give so there simply isn’t much time or emotional energy to spend focusing on self-improvement. And then their’s the whole guilt thing. So, to be honest, I really expected to dislike her. Women are so conditioned to a semi-martyrlike mentality that I think a part of me resented her. Don’t get me wrong, I have no desire to leave my husband and abandon my life to take to the road on a personal journey of self-indulgent deep reflection. But while reading Eat, Pray, Love I did fantasize about my own yet-to-be-realized travels to Rome and with Committed I longed to have had the personal insight to really think about what marriage meant and what my expectations were before I plunged into it at the age of 25.

However, I must tell you that I absolutely adored Liz. You see that? She’s not Elizabeth or Ms. Gilbert, she is my new friend, Liz and I adored her. It is not that I suddenly agree with everything she said or all of her choices but now it doesn’t matter because I understand her. She was real and fallible and self-deprecatingly funny. She was someone I would immediately be drawn to because of her openness and willingness to offer herself to others. I loved the fact that when asked how she found the courage to share so much of her personal life publicly she didn’t give some crafted answer about creativity and her artform but said “Courage? I would have told you standing next to me at the bus stop.” She is a self-admitted “over sharer”.

It is not that she was different than in the book but, in real life, you get to see how her books were not meant as anything more than her personal journey to happiness and self-realization. She was simply telling her story not presenting a guide to the universe on how to live your own life. It was obvious from hearing her speak that she is invested in people. She truly cares about the impact her story has had and takes seriously her responsibility to offer her perspective. But where she, thankfully, draws the line is at giving advice. She offers a willing ear to listen and an experienced and wise sounding-board but never claims to have all of the answers.

My friend Liz said something yesterday that I thought was probably one of the most important things any woman will ever hear if they are willing to listen. After advising women to wait to get married until they are a bit older and have more life experience she said, “Instead of fantasizing about your perfect man, spend some time becoming the person that perfect man would want to be with.” Amen.