First of all I want to start this post by saying that I absolutely love what I do. I have run UrbanMoms for 5 years and it has been an amazing journey. I look back on it and can’t believe how much I have learned. However, this post was inspired by my need to share the truth about being a mom entrepreneur. This entry is really inspired but all of you wonderfully optimistic, grass-is-always-greener folks who look at my life with longing. More than daily I have people telling me how lucky I am to work for myself, how awesome it must be to have so much flexibility and how envious they are of me and my obviously silver-lined existence. By writing this post I am not complaining or feeling sorry for myself but I need to set the record straight. I feel the need to clarify some things about my reality before some of you I have been speaking to decide to make the jump yourselves. So, here goes:
Five years ago I made a decision to take a giant leap of faith and start my own business. I had a good job in marketing at a good company with a good boss. But, I had a hell of a commute, I felt a distance from my kids and I had what I thought was a solid business idea that really excited me. What I know now is that I had no real clue what I was getting myself into and, if I had, I might have thought twice. Peering through rose coloured glasses it all seemed so simple and romantic. I would run a small business making enough to contribute financially to the family and I would work when it was convenient. I would keep busy enough to be satisfied, and spend the rest of every happy day with my kids involved in their lives in ways I hadn’t been able to be working outside the home. Ahhh. I would get more relaxed just dreaming about it.
But, the reality was much, much different. The first few months were some of the most stressful of my life. I had no idea how to run a business, get it set up, sell my ideas. I was small and people wanted big. No one had even heard of blogs and social networking. I had no idea how to keep my books, design a website, send out mass emails. Everything took 10 times as long as I expected and cost way more. I had no time for my kids and family because figuring all of this out took up all of my time but I had no money to pay for childcare. With my office at home I was both stay-at-home mom and working mom trying to balance two full-time jobs. I would work into the wee hours or once my husband got home. I did everything myself, all of the time. I worked while on vacation,
during the holidays, on the weekends, in the evenings. There were no
breaks. We were tight for cash and my kids couldn’t understand why I was home but unavailable to them. I had no accounting department to call to ask questions or follow-up on late payments, no IT guy to figure out my computer problems, no one to file my papers, sort my mail or write my press releases. There was no one to set up my phone system and no team members to rely on to brainstorm my marketing plan or bounce ideas off of.
Speaking of team members, on top of doing all of the logistical and practical business stuff on my own, I was completely and totally alone in every other way. I had no one to talk to. There was no one who understood my business, who came up with ideas, who shared my disappointment or celebrated my victories. Even more difficult for someone who needs human contact was the fact that I had no one popping by my office to chat or asking me to go out for lunch. I was alone and for a long while, I was lonely.
Then, the business started to see some success. I would have thought this would help my stress level but things just got crazier. At what point can I afford to hire someone to help? What are my priorities for the business because I can’t possibly do it all? Where do I invest in the business to ensure its continued success? How do I balance all of this and meet my initial objective of spending more time with my family?
So, five years later and many of these questions have been answered but many new ones have been added. Now I have lots of support. I have some awesome writers and some great staff but, the truth is, the weight of it is still on my shoulders. I am the one up until 1am writing a pitch or fixing a problem and then up the rest of the night worrying about it. If we have an unexpected issue I have to deal with it. If we have unexpected costs I have to figure out how to cover these costs and still pay my staff. Sometimes that means I can’t pay myself because the money is best spent on the business.
Recently I hired a new staff member. She is a friend I have known for 10 years. We have spent tons of time together and she has been a good friend throughout the growth of my business. However, upon coming on board, she was absolutely floored during her first few weeks to see that behind the scenes things are a lot different than how they appear from the outside. We have major processes in place, we use tons of different technologies to support our business, everything has multiple steps and stages, there are different facets to the business and tons of people involved, there are endless emails and phone calls and inquiries and issues. Life behind the scenes at UrbanMoms is beyond busy and it is beyond busy all of the time. My friend was amazed at how much went on and, in her words, how crazy my schedule is. Despite the fact that we had been friends for all of these years she had no idea.
That brings me back to why I wrote this post in the first place. I can see why so many businesses fail. It is not because the idea was bad or the person was bad at it but it is because being an entrepreneur (and a mom) is really freakin’ hard work. Every business has tons of Crap to deal with and when you are working for someone else you can hand the Crap over to someone else in the Crap Department and you can go home at night knowing that your Crap is being dealt with so you just need to focus on doing your job. But when it is your own business every piece of Crap is yours and I can see how it can be overwhelming and for some it may not be worth it. Plus, balance is a joke. Ask any mom period but especially a mom who runs her own business. I work way more hours than I ever worked for someone else. I have to because there is no one else to do it but me. So, if I want my business to succeed, which I obviously do, I have to get it done whenever and however I can.
Now, that is the dark side and, believe me, sometimes it can be very dark but, strangely, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The crazy hours, the Crap, the irregular pay cheque, the stress. You know why? Because I did it. I earned it. And although it isn’t perfect, it is mine.
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This post makes me teary for the business i had to fold after the birth of my second child. I felt (feel?) like a failure about it, but it really is a tough course, working for oneself, wearing ALL the hats necessary AND trying to raise a family and tend to your home. Le sigh. I feel you. And I’m so insanely PROUD of you! What an amazing thing you’ve created here, woman! Wow. WOW!!
Honestly, I receive more web traffic and search engine love from articles than everything else combined. I find it funny that good old article marketing is still effective in spite of all the great internet marketing gadgets that have come out.
I love that you wrote this. Because, it’s true…to people around you they are probably all, Wow! Jen’s got it MADE…but they don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. How ridiculously hard you are working 24 hours a day…and when you aren’t working, you are problem solving, thinking towards the future, and worrying about the present.
I love your honesty here…but JEN…at the end of the day…look at what you’ve CREATED. YOU.
Remember when kids actually went outside to play…now everything is done in front of a computer. I miss the good old days!
As I sit here at 12:04 a.m. reading your article…while working of course…this brings great comfort. I know that I am not alone but it feels good to be reassured from time to time. I left my “real job” about 4 months ago and I have literally worked about 80 hours a week or more to get a business off the ground. I do get burnt out and let myself recharge for a night sometimes, of course this always comes with guilt the next day. Even as exhausted as I am, something inside me keeps pushing me every day, letting me know that I am doing the right thing.
Finally at the almost 5 month mark working more than 80 hours a week at times, I am finally starting to see some success. It has been a long road! I do hate that I missed the spring and summer is half-way gone but happy to be at home and not working for someone that doesn’t appreciate what I have to offer.
Best of luck to you!
Tammy
Personal Budget Software We used to say that there was never enough money at the end of each month. now it seems like there is never enough money by the middle of the week. I am embarassed to tell you how much my wife and I paid last year in bank fees. So like I am making ….
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What a great story Jen. I can totally relate to it. I am in awe of all the successful moms out there that manage to make it work. I hope you manage to have some R&R on your trip to Flordia even though it is work!
Hi Amy. Let us know when your book is out. Sounds like a MUST read for me!
I know, Sarah. It’s really hard to believe that other people are as crazy as I am! Here’s to the sisterhood of Crazy Mom Entrepreneurs.
I know, Sarah. It’s really hard to believe that other people are as crazy as I am! Here’s to the sisterhood of Crazy Mom Entrepreneurs.
Hi Jen –
I’ve been on your site before, but found this post through Twitter. (Gotta love the social media!) My biz partner and I have a book coming out next year about mom entrepreneurs. Our motivations for writing were similar to yours: We wanted to de-bunk the myths about mom entrepreneurship – like how much money you’ll make while spending quality time with your kids! But, like you, we wouldn’t trade it for anything. Hope our paths cross down the road.
We will never be the same exactly but we can be successful as well on the same level of contentment.
Somehow I feel better knowing that the Urbanmom journey is very similar to the Savvymom journey! Great message – I try to tell people the same often!
It was just a dreamed few years ago – working at home…but it’s a constant challenge because you will be working around with your kids and hubby at home even if you have your own office.
Thanks Jen for sharing your story. I’m always fascinated about how people started working for themselves and if what I feel now (I have run my own business for a little over a year now) is normal.
You’re absolutely right. It is alot of work. More than any other job I’ve had (probably because most of the work that goes into running my business is a done by me). I’m the web developer, IT person, the marketing department and for a long while I was the shipping department going to the post office daily. Most days the only people I talk to are the UPS guy, my daughter or my dog. I get so excited to see my husband after he’s done work that I talk his ear off and he tells me that I need to get out more. HA.
I just wanted to say your hard work has already paid off. I remember stumbling upon this site shortly after the birth of my daughter in 2008 and wow…. how different it looks just in 2 years. You have done an amazing job, your writers are hilarious and easy to identify with (even though the title of this site is urbanmoms, I’m a suburban mom LOL and everything you guys write, I can resonate with)
Keep up the great work Jen and team!
just standing up and giving you an ovation! not much else to say really 🙂
i find getting to the library a chore sometimes and i can’t even imagine running a business. i’m glad that it seems like you’ve turned a corner. hopefully it’ll be a lot easier for you and your family from here on out.
Jen, you said it all. I would say the #1 determining factor in small business success is persistence. When it all seems so bleak and there is no one to talk with to help move you forward, its left to how much you believe.
Today, more than ever before, individuals need to secure and protect their futures with a “controllable” income. What I mean by that is an income from some business of your own. Companies lay people off with the same concern as they cancel an office supply order.
The good news is that the internet, which has enabled you to succeed and to reach so many people so quickly, offers the best way to start with little or no resources.
One can get online and build a website for very little money. One great website builder is WordPress and is available free as an open source software product. Plus lots of free add on features are available too. So now we can all build security for our futures.
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We definitely hear you Jen! My husband started his business over 14 years ago and we are just finally being able to breathe and enjoy it a little more but you always worry that if you relax too much everything will got to pot. We joke that if he had not brought aboard other people we would not have had any time to have children. It is hard starting up a business and I know that it is even hard continuing to have it be a success. I am glad you did though as we really enjoy the site and hope you have ongoing success with it.
And I am so glad you did this! You have a terrific site and I have enjoyed reading and learning from it over the past couple of years. Thank you for working so hard– so many moms (and dads) benefit from your efforts. 🙂
What a great post. It’s true of anything in life; things always seem greener… Yet, when one takes a good, hard look, it’s often nothing like what we thought.
I decided to start freelance writing a few years ago after staying home following my second child. I did it because I wanted to keep my fingers in something outside the home, but also because I still wanted to bring in a little money and have something that was my own. I am lucky – I don’t *need* to do it (although it does help a little with our beyond tight budget) so I’ve never worked very hard at marketing and business development. I just keep in touch with a few colleagues and hope for the best.
But I know that if I actually had to ensure that there was money coming in, I would be working my butt off. As it is, with the few contracts I work here and there, I do all of my writing at midnight and beyond, when the house is quiet and I can focus. Makes it difficult to be a good mom when you’ve only had 4 hours of sleep each night. But that’s just the way it is since I’ve chosen to do this.
So, I understand how you feel, although not nearly to the same extent. I also know what you mean when you say that it’s yours. You did it. And look how great it is, Jen! You’ve created something really fantastic! You’ve definitely got two big thumbs up from this quasi-mompreneur.