If That Were My Kid…

My family and I just got back from Christmas on the beach. We spent a week along with another family in the Dominican Republic. Christmas was definitely different and in some ways it feels like it didn’t happen at all but this year, with my mom being gone, it was the right thing to do. And sometimes vacationing with another family can be disastrous but not for us. Everyone got along really well which made it a lot more fun for the whole group.

I will write more about the trip another time (including a travel review) but this post is about something else. It is about a parenting theory I put to the test on our trip. Mind you, I did it unintentionally because this is one piece of advice I would never have taken, but I did see it in action.

I have been getting this particular piece of advice for ages. Pretty much since my daughter refused to eat solid food until the age of 18 months and revealed herself to be a picky eater I have heard it. It goes like this, “if your child is hungry enough, they will eat it”. In other words, put what you want them to eat on their plate and don’t offer them anything else. Tough if they don’t like broccoli or roast beef or squash. That’s what you’re serving and that’s what they get. If they don’t eat it, they don’t eat. Period.

A little background information here, my daughter is very particular when it comes to food. She doesn’t like certain textures, things with black or green in it, red is often gross, no chunks, no flecks, it can’t smell “weird”, and the texture has to be just right. She has a keen sense of smell and can often tell just by looking at something that it is not going to suit. She prefers her vegetables and fruits pureed (yes, she is 6) but will eat sweet potato, carrots, and most fruits this way. She will eat fresh corn on the cob and oranges (clementines too) and has been known recently to sample apples. And no, she does not eat a lot of junk because she is pretty picky about that too often preferring yoghurt and baguette with cheese to french fries or candy.

I have accepted this and we don’t push it. We have had the power struggles and they don’t work. She is not being stubborn as many people think. I have seen her try things in order to please us but she gets so anxious that she gags before the food is even near her mouth so we praise her for trying. I recognize a lot of this because my younger sister was exactly the same way. And, guess what? She is a grown woman who, although a vegetarian eats every fruit and veg and flavour you can imagine. This after a childhood of bread, butter, “orange cheese”, and iceberg lettuce. So, I know my girl is going to be fine and that she is getting enough variety to meet her needs. She is active and healthy and I don’t want to give her a complex about food that can lead to anxiety or worse, an eating disorder.

However, others have trouble accepting this so I have heard many, many times over the years where I am going wrong as a parent and what I need to be doing. I have heard many, many times (whether said out loud or with a look), “if that were my kid…”. And that takes me back to the parenting theory above and our recent trip to an all inclusive resort. My daughter spent eight days away from home. Away from the foods she is comfortable with in a place where food is prepared differently, smells different, and definitely tastes different. There were tons of choices but none of them were the same as at home. In other words, she had no choice. If she was hungry she had to eat it. I am sure that in eight days a child is going to get hungry at some point so, according to the theory, eventually she would cave and eat what was offered.

This was a real-life test of the parenting theory that picky eaters are simply being stubborn and that it is about control. Eventually, they will get hungry enough and they will eat what you put in front of them. Well folks, I am here to tell you that this theory may be true for some but definitely not for all. My gut tells me that kids have issues with food for a huge number of varying reasons and maybe this advice works for the kids who want McDonald’s for every meal or refuse to eat something because they know that they will eventually get what they want but it is not true for everyone.

You know how I know? Because my 6-year-old daughter had no choice, for eight whole days, but to eat what was available and you know what she did? She ate nothing. OK, not absolutely nothing but pretty much. She tried the pancakes but they tasted wrong, she tried the burger but it was gross (and it really was), she tried a few other things but in the end the only thing she could stomach was bread. So, my little girl ate bread for EIGHT days. She never complained that she was hungry but she never once got hungry enough to eat what she didn’t like. She was willing and more than able to be hungry for more than a week instead of eating food she finds unappealing. This little person lost 4lbs in 8 days rather than eat foods she isn’t comfortable with.

So, next time you judge and you think you know what another parent should do let me tell you that most of the time, you don’t. Don’t look at them with that look or tell them your “secret” or say “if that were my kid…” because it is not your kid and you don’t know. And now, eight days later, my little girl woke up to a meal of her scrambled eggs, apple sauce, and bacon with fresh squeezed orange juice. She at it all. Every last bite.