Tonight I have had enough. 8 years of broken sleep, musical beds, and soothing him to sleep. My sweet, sensitive, anxious young man and the battle of bedtime. My 5 year old goes to sleep on her own and sleeps soundly through most nights but not her big brother.
And not that I don’t appreciate your advice but I wouldn’t bother if I were you. I know some of you are reading this thinking that we aren’t tough enough or our parenting is lacking. Didn’t your child sleep through the night from the time they were 3 seconds old? Didn’t you deal with bad dreams by "Monster Proofing"? Didn’t Dr. Ferber solve it all when he/she was just 4 months old? Been there, done that, heard it all. We’ve tried everything. I really mean it. We’ve spent a small fortune on books, blankets, stuffed animals, charts and stickers, music, rewards…the list goes on and on. We’ve threatened, let him cry, made plans to meet up in our dreams, done yoga and relaxation exercises. Nothing works.
Most nights I am resigned and optimisitc realizing it can’t go on forever. I know that one day my teenager would be horrified at the thought of turning to us to snuggle him to sleep. His bad dreams will come in a different form and he’ll learn to cope on his own. My husband and I will have endless hours of evening chatter and we’ll secretly miss the midnight cuddles and small, warm body beside us.
But tonight I am fed up. I would like to have a conversation with my husband, one of my fave shows is on and I want to watch it (I know, I know, my PVR is set but it would be nice to at least watch it on the night it airs), I have a few phone calls to make and I’m sick of being kept prisoner upstairs.
So, I told him "enough". He has to be responsible to come up with a small step. Something to move this in the right direction. He’s old enough to know he’s old enough to do it. We talked (ok…I talked a little too loudly) and he said "I’m going to think about it. I promise I’ll try, mom. I’m going to try really hard not to be so scared so you won’t be so mad".
Yup. That’s me. The Wicked Witch. Nothing like a healthy dose of guilt to diffuse a situation. The crazy thing is I was exactly the same. I had trouble sleeping until I was in my twenties (I swear. Ask my sisters) and then I was married so always had my husband next to me. Normally, on most nights, I know that this is not something he chooses and not something he can control. Who would? But I’m tired and fed up. It’ll be better tomorrow.
My sympathies. Sheesh, now I feel rotten over the preaching and begging and eventually resorting to casting spells over our nightwalker.
I do think there is a genetic link there though.
It’s no co-incidence I used to drive my mother squirley until she played the “fear of God” card.
Then I didn’t really sleep but just learned to keep it to myself by staring at the chewing gum patterns on the bottom of my sister’s bunk bed as she snored away.
Awww, I’m sorry Jen. Our girl has been giving us trouble the past half year or so, but that’s nothing like 8 years!
I bet you are fed up. My son sleeps well during the night, however it takes forever to put him to bed. Her finds all these rituals, and it drives me insane. I start putting him to bed at 8:30, and at 10 he is still awake. And I feel for you, as I feel the need to have some quiet time with my husband, or just sit and watch TV or read, without interruption. And I yell too, so you are not the only one. As for being scared at night, I’m 29 and I’m still affraid of the dark. When my husband travels and I’m alone with the kids, I hardly close my eyes (I’m happy if I get 2-3 hrs of sleep). It is crazy, but I had this since I was a kid, I don’t know where it comes from, but matter how much my parents tried to cure this, it never worked.
Ahhh…I feel your pain. My 4.5 yo daughter is the same – she sleeps in a room with big sis, but says, “it’s not the same…she’s not a growmup!” Tonight she told me she comes in to my bed because she wakes up afraid that I’m gone. ‘Cause, you know, there’s a long history of me sneaking off while she’s asleep – NOT! Point being, this not a logical thing, nothing we can fix with plans and strategies. It’s fear. Visceral, instinctive and illogical. I oughta know; my little sis’ used to sneak into my bed sometimes even into our early 20s! 😉
oh jen, i feel for you. our nights are still filled with visits, and i know how much i sometimes long for uninterrupted time for myself and my husband. i hope things improve soon.
Wow – my 4 year old is the worst sleeper too…at night that is! He can nap for 3 hours in the day (which I don’t allow) but he wakes up 2+/night crying, usually half asleep. He has not slept through the night EVER!!! My 1.5 year old, also a boy, sleeps amazingly well. After reading your post I’m now afraid there is no light in my near future?! Luckily he doesn’t crawl into our bed – he just cries/screams until we go to him & I have tried it all too!
Glad you found a solution, LoriD. We tried this but my son says his 5 year old sister isn’t protection enough…from what? I’m not sure. After all she is a self-proclaimed superhero 😉
“Blissfully uneventful” nights sound just Blissful.
My 7-year-old is similar to your boy. Now, I just let her sleep with my 4-year-old (as long as there is no fighting or goofing around) and our nights have been blissfully uneventful (with her, anyway… the 2-year-old has her own agenda). That wasn’t advice, just an anecdote. 🙂