First of all, a big thank you to everyone who commented, and shared their thoughts on my previous post. I decided it would be easier to write a post about what I actually did than to give a quick simple reply.
A bit of history first. My daughter’s learning disability is in reading, writing, and comprehending verbal instruction (so she will take what someone says and really only take in about 30% of the information). She also has what they call a math “difficulty”. What this really means she is a few numbers off from what the board of education considers to be a “disability” despite what the psychologist says. In my opinion there are many children in the system considered to have only a “difficulty” so they are not helped like they should be – but that is whole entire post in itself. Fortunately for my daughter because she has the other disabilities they will be forced to help her in the area of math as well. Bottom line – she is grade 3 but working more at a grade 1 level.
Do I blame her behaviour on the disability? No. However I think her frustration level since school has started has escalated as she is a hard worker who really tries hard and wants to fit in with the other students so she can be at the same level. As well, two of her brothers have disabilities and have their own behavioural issues that are part of their disability and they can’t exactly control what they are doing. Which leads us to the next point: is her behaviour learned? I believe partially. Her brothers however, are not as aggressive or as rude to me – however there are more allowances made for them and not as many consequences which she is well aware of.
So the big question everyone wants to know is what did I do? Well back in our day we would get a smack on the butt, or a clip on the back of the head, however as much as I may have felt like following that method, I really didn’t think it work and I didn’t want children’s aid knocking at my door – so I did what any other insane sane person did. IGNORED HER.
Yup as difficult as it was I just kept on talking to her sister and totally ignored her. Didn’t ask her to stop, didn’t push her away. The only thing I did say was that if she continued she would lose her sleepover – which she has.
For the past few days I have been attempting to not say a word when she cusses, screams or throws a fit. I am however, attempting to praise any little thing that is positive that she does. For example when she got home from school yesterday she put her backpack and shoes away – so I thanked her.
Is this easy to do? Hell no. Will this “only positive” reinforcement work? Don’t know but I assure you all you will be the first to know next week where we are at!
Until next time
Chantel, momofeightcrazymonkeys
Uch. Hang in there, mama… tough job, this one. You can do it!!
She wants your attention, to get a rise out of you so you can treat it one of two ways (both as calmly as possible…trust me, with an LD son myself, I understand)
1. Excuse yourself. Say, “I am losing patience and am going to leave now. When you calm down and want to talk to me, you can come find me.”
2. “Ok. So you’ve got my attention now;how can I help you? What do you need?” If she says, “I don’t know” then say you will be around and when she knows, you are happy to help.
One thing you need to understand is that she is confused, frustruated, and probably mad at the world, including herself and unfortunately (or fortunately) you are the safest person to take it out on.
The strength this requires must be huge! Good luck.
It is very difficult and I have had to catch myself a few times:)
Hang in there!! It’s tough to hold firm, but in the end I think it’s the best thing we can do.
Wow. Go, Chantel! I would not have been able to ignore that. You’re amazing!
Thank you…I think it’s time I try the same…as DIFFICULT as that may be!!! it’s so hard to remember to do nothing when my 1st instinct is to yell/threaten/yell/threaten – lol!