According to this recent Globe and Mail article it’s a completely dire situation. Even the “personal accounts” section has only a few entries and does not portray very many happily ever afters.
You can read the whole article if you like but I will recap some of the points that struck a chord with me as well as some of the hot topics brought up in the almost 300 comments from readers. Of course it will be totally biased by my experiences and not very academic in nature but I hope that it will spark a discussion and/or have you ponder something you may not have pondered before.
So let’s start with the title of the article…
The painful new realities of international adoption according to whom? Isn’t becoming a mother regardless of the method always involve some pain? Is pain not universal to the experience, whether it’s the “paper cuts” involved in adoption or the contractions of childbirth, it hurts. Does the writer think that once upon a time adoption was pain-free? How could an experience that by it’s nature involves deep emotion and loss ever be without pain?
I also do not wish to dismiss the heart wrenching pain that can be part of the international adoption experience. I know several people that have had horrible experiences and I would never want to dishonour the pain they have endured. I also know several people that have gone through hell going the biological route to parenthood. Woman and couples that have equally painful experiences with infertitity, miscarriages, and death of an infant. My point is that neither route to parenthood trumps for potential pain.
What the title excludes is the joy that is just as inevitable. When a new being is brought into the world and he/she finds loving arms that pledge unconditional, forever love then joy must be present. For many of us, the moment we become parents in the most joy we have ever experienced. Just like how some moms seem to forget the pain of childbirth, some adoptive mama’s also dismiss the pain of the process in favour of the joy that came at the end of the journey. I am one of those mama’s.
So Globe and Mail, where’s that part of the story?
Salam Tun, Kita jangan jadi seperti negara China dan India yang pada suatu ketika dijajah dalam jangka masa yang lama oleh bangsa lain, kerana mereka suka bergaduh sesama sendiri. Cina dijajah oleh Mongol lebih seratus tahun kemudian dijajah lagi oleh Manchu 1641 hingga abad ke 20 (1911). Diperkotak katikkan oleh negara barat sejak perang candu oleh British. China juga di tipu oleh Russia sehingga kehilangan wliyah sebesar wilayah Tanah Besar Asia Tenggara iaitu wilayah di utara sungai Amur. Itu belum lagi diperkotak katekkan oleh negara lain seprti Jerman dan British. Kemudian di jajah sebahagian negaranya oleh Jepun pula. Begitu juga dengan negara India yang dijajah dengan waktu yang sangat lama oleh bangsa Hun Turki dan akhir sekali bangsa Monggol. Ini kena pemerintah dan rakyatnya yang suka bergaduh dan mempunyai sifat buruk yang suka jatuh menjatuhkan bangsanya sendiri. Akhirnya kedua bangsa tersebut terpaksa merantau ke seluruh dunia. Namun akibat kesilapan lampau kedua bangsa tersebut ramai yang lebih berjaya berbanding bangsanya yang ada di nagara asal mereka.
We have adopted three times, all three times from Russia. We went through a very awful experience during the first adoption process that might have discouraged us from ever adopting again. But it did not, b/c we 100% agree with the author that the experience of becoming parents can be very joyful or it can be very painful…but either way, it is your own journey to parenthood. I would without a doubt adopt again if we could financially afford it.
You are so right. This piece is clear and concise and heartfelt. As someone who watched your process, and as someone who as also watched the process of becoming a parent biologically and seen the loss of a child, or heard of the ridiculous childbirth complications, I appreciate both sides. The Globe and Mail would obviously take the negative slant b/c that’s what sells more papers. We positive peeps are growing in number, but we have to stay strong and keep telling the positive news worthy stories to keep bringing news back into balance!
Sing your song, Sister!
Love you!
Well said dude…well said!