Kids can say some pretty hurtful things sometimes. It is usually in a moment of anger or tired or hungry or crashing from the thirteen orange pops they snuck, but no matter what excuse you afford them, the root of the comment still makes you take pause.
Couple of weeks ago, my eldest said in a moment of anger “Dad, you never follow through on anything.”
Zing. I looked at him and asked for some specific examples and he couldn’t immediately provide one, mostly because he was flustered. But I started thinking about the zip line I promised last summer and reconsidered due to safety and the collection of pennies we were supposed to give to charity last month that admittedly I forgot about. So I took my son’s perception of me to heart even with the knowledge that the emotion behind the comment may have been misguided. I started to question any other promises and mostly came up on the right side of the following through argument, but it still made me think and increase my ardor about ensuring I do what I say I am going to do.
Last week, during a homework argument, my eldest again made a bold statement to my wife this time instead of me.
He said “You’re just making me do this so you can try to be as good a parent as Dad.”
How can these boys say or do anything wrong?
Ouch. Steph would have none of it. She stood up, grabbed her magazine and walked upstairs, wishing Hudson luck with the speech she was trying to help him with. I did not step in and reprimand him, he realized the weight of what he said and I wanted to let it resonate. Sensitive kids know how to inflict emotional barbs because of the familiar sting when directed at them Eventually he made his way upstairs to apologize, tail appropriately between his legs.
We have found some quiet moments to discuss these kind of remarks and as tweenage hormones begin sluicing through his body, I am sure it will get worse before it gets better. There is sweet underneath the swagger so my faith in him is pretty true.
Any stinging comments from your kids lately?
Oh yeah, I hear you Jason. I get told I don’t love her, I’m the worst mom ever, I’m mean and – get this – “when will you learn to put on makeup properly, MOM!?!?!??!”
I just try to let it roll off my back. Secretly, it does sting, though.
I got HELLOOO’ed by my 4 year old and then….last week, he asked me a name of something and I answered – he said ‘how coudl it POSSIBLY be that mom’…argh.
I get it all the time! Lately it has been from my almost 11 year old boy who just recently lashed out that I only care about the oldest child Marie because she is good at gymnastics! It is hard to hear such comments such as I hate you, you are not as fun as so and so’s mom but I realize they don’t really mean it and they do end up apologizing yet it does sting in the moment of it all.