Becoming Self-Aware

I’ve learned a lot since becoming a Dad.  

I’ve learned how to change diapers, and how to swaddle a child, and how to hide peas and carrots in pasta by mashing them up so they are imperceptible. 

At the very least, I’ve learned what any parent will learn when they have their first child. 

But there’s so much more.  I’ve learned more about myself, as a person, in the two+ years since Pea was born than I ever did in the 30 that preceded.

I hear you, out there in cyberspace, pleading for examples.  “How, oh how Shawn, have you changed?”  Let me (re)count some of the ways…

• I am not as patient as I once thought I was.  I used to see myself as a calm, even-keeled and fair man, willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and a little time to explain themselves.  Now, I recognize that having a child is the ultimate test in patience, and there are many times, every day, in which I fail said test.  The good news is that I am beginning to recognize the factors that lead to my impatience, which is the first step to recovery, right?

• I didn’t think I could love anyone as much as I love my wife.  Wrong.

• I am not an island.  Nor am I an ostrich.  I can’t do everything myself and I can’t continue to bury my head in the sand instead of asking for the support I need… especially when it comes to raising my child.  After all, it’s one thing to deny myself things because I am too scared to ask for help, but it’s another thing to keep things from Pea for the same reason.  I’ve man’ed up a lot.

• I love to write… something I have only truly realized since becoming Pea’s Dad.

• I don’t need as much sleep as I once thought I did to get through my day. 

• I need at least 8 hours sleep to get through my day and function properly.  Not to be confused with the previous bullet, I can get through a day with little sleep, but being effective is a different story.

• I didn’t think I could find my wife any more attractive.  Boy, was that short-sighted. Notwithstanding my adventures at the front of the bus, since my wife became the mother of my child, her beauty, grace and sexiness has grown infinitely.

• Maybe it’s true… maybe I would rather nap than have sex… nah, I’ve always known myself pretty well on this one. 

• I have to work harder to hold on to the things that are important to me. Recently, I picked Pea up from my in-laws after a long day at work and all I could think of was what to make for dinner.  Pea shouted “Daddy, moon,” and as I looked at it, I felt a fair degree of shame.  On clear evenings, I used to make a point of looking for the moon, which reminds me of my paternal grandparents.  Looks like I’ve been too caught up in life to realize it is passing me by.

There’s more, I’m sure.  I’m learning more about myself every day, and the good news is that I managed to spare the expense of taking a trip to Europe to do it (although, a trip to Europe would have been the cheaper route…).

So how about it?  What have you learned about yourself since becoming a parent?  Soon-to-be parents, you can chime in too… let me know what you think will change about your personality once the wee one arrives.