Older Woman (OW): Whoops.
Yours Truly (YT): Oh, sorry about that.
OW: That’s the second time today a child runs away from her parents.
YT: (confused, as Pea wasn’t ‘running away’; trying to be polite) Really?
OW: Yeah, you should be more careful.
YT: (biting tongue) Yeah.
OW: Maybe you should get one of those leash things.
YT: (fighting offensive tone) Oh no, that would never work for her, she’d wail if we tried to restrain her like that.
OW: Well, you should teach her not to cry.
YT: (stunned) Ok, thanks. (To Pea) Ok sweetie, let’s find mommy.
Older Woman (OW): Whoops.
Yours Truly (YT): Oh, sorry about that.
OW: That’s the second time today a child runs away from her parents.
TY: Oh, she wasn’t really running away, I was only a few feet away. She’s almost two, so, you know, she’s curious. Not to worry, I was watching her the whole time.
OW: Yeah, you should be more careful.
YT: I’m sorry, perhaps you didn’t hear me. I was being careful; carefully letting her explore her environment with the independence that comes with her Dad being just a few feet away.
OW: Your kid almost ran into me.
YT: She was stationary when you roared around the corner. Just because you weren’t paying attention to where you were going doesn’t mean she almost ran into you.
OW: Maybe you should get one of those leash things.
YT: (indignant) For you?
OW: HEY!
YT: Really lady? A leash. For my child. Perhaps you’ve confused her for a dog, which nowadays, aren’t even kept on leashes when they’re brought into stores.
OW: Well, just like a dog, she appears to be running away from you.
YT: (getting belligerent) She has as much of a right to walk around this store as you do! How do you know she isn’t independently wealthy and is on the market for a new BBQ? Huh?
OW: Just keep an eye on your kid.
YT: I’m more worried about the other kids of the world, whom might get bowled over by your careless corner maneuvering or embarrassingly restrained by your desire to limit freedom of movement for the younger class!
OW: (pointing to aisle 17) I believe the leashes are in that aisle.
YT: (pointing to the door) Within the next 3 minutes, I am going to teach my daughter to tackle you to the ground. So you may want to leave.
OW: Good day.
YT: Yeah, good day to you too.
I was at the mall with one of my (childless) friends when my first was around a year old. We had gone into Sephora to check out the latest and greatest, and were just heading out. A woman passed by, and in horror, stopped dead and told me that my daughter had a q-tip in her hand (she had grabbed it off one of the sample stations). I shrugged. She was happy and quiet.
She said “She’s shoving it up her NOSE!!!” I said, “So??”
The woman just stared at me in horror. I asked her if she thought it was possible to cause brain damage by inserting a q-tip up a tiny little nose that is smaller in diameter than the q-tip. Really, that is what I said. She walked off in a huff, but my friend was quite embarrassed.
You see, I have a smart mouth. And as I spend 23 hours a day in the seclusion of my own home, only getting an hour yard time a day for good behavior, my filter no longer works. My inside conversation is quite often the outside one as well. What’s going to happen? Might as well speak my mind!
Awesome Shawn! You’re bang on with it…I think I’ll try to dramatic role-play next time, but I’m sure it won’t be nearly as entertaining as yours! 😉
Ooooh. These are gooood. Mine was when my first was about 6 weeks old. I was exhausted because he never slept, cried all the time unless, of course, he was attached to me nursing. I got up this one day and decided “today is the day!” Enough sitting around overwhelmed by this little creature. I was going to take the bull by the horns and GO OUTSIDE. I had a shower (wow!), got dressed, packed the diaper bag and stroller into the car and went to the mall.
The little bugger cried all the way there but I was determined not to let him ru(i)n my life so I loaded him in the stroller and joined all of the other mommies walking the halls of the mall. However, none of their babies were screaming at the top of their lungs. So, in the midst of my anxiety sweats I stopped at a seat in the mall, a bit off to the side, and started nursing him. It was open but not hugely high traffic and there was no boob exposure. However, this curmudgeonly old bat comes right over to me and says, “This is a public place! You should be ashamed exposing yourself in public!” I looked at her, tired and shame faced, and burst into tears. I took my crying self and my crying baby and loaded us back in the car. It was months before I ventured back out to the mall.
I hated that old lady and what she did to me that day. That is why I try never to judge another mom. This shit is hard.
My first pregnancy was high risk and I was restricted to mostly home and not a lot of exercise…major weight gain! On the rare occasion I was out on my own I was almost due and on my way via TTC to a Drs appt. My hands and feet were very swollen and as a result I couldn’t wear my wedding rings.
While standing and grasping a pole, because no one offered me a seat, an older woman piped up just loud enough for everyone to hear…”and how many husbands do you have?”
I was so shocked I had nothing to offer other than, “just the one”. Since then I have written a novella in my head on how the conversation should have gone, all of course ending with me sitting on her and crushing her into oblivion.
My son turned 28 on Monday…this incident still pisses me off.
I’m in a store in New York City last week with my very hip New Yorker brother and sister-in-law, who is carring her 2 month old son in a Baby Bjorn. An older woman comes up to us, points at the baby and says “14 babies died in those things, you know! You should know better!” and before I could defend the Baby Bjorn my brother calmly replies “It’s alright, we don’t really like him much anyways.”
I posted about mine here:
http://www.urbanmoms.ca/sometimes_holland_feels_like_hell/2010/03/message-from-a-mom.html
I tried to take the high road but did up name-calling.
I’m afraid any role-playing-reenactment would not be appropriate fare for our urbanmoms.
Not sure how many use as many F’s as I do and I would, no doubt, offend more than a few!
Well done for keeping your calm and being the bigger person!
i think that’s the difference between moms and dads….there is a definite hormonal shift in the moms. my conversation (out loud) would have been your inside one.
i have wanted to seriously injure, maim or disembowel people (both big and small) who “dis” my kids. i have never thought about that before kids. i guess that’s why i need a husband to even me out.
this won’t be the last time that happens and i congratulate you for taking the high road!