I heard some of the most honest radio last week on my way to work.
JJ, of FLOW 93.5’s “JJ and Melanie” fame, was complaining that his 6-months pregnant wife had a bit of a hormonal meltdown the previous evening. Something small had set off a wave of emotion inside her, and she spent the next 3 hours crying her eyes out.
He, in turn, spent the next 3 hours trying to comfort her. Emphasis on the “trying.”
At first, I was shocked he would complain, so adamantly, while on air. This is the mother of your child man! It’s a pretty small price to pay to have to comfort the woman you love because her body is changing and making her a little, um, emotional.
Then, while I was still in shock that he would say such a thing, I marveled at how honest he was being. I figured it took a lot of guts to step up and admit your annoyance. Especially when Melanie is the one you’re talking to.
Then, I considered how long 3 hours is – that’s 3 episodes of Lost. Or the opening sequence of a James Cameron film.
I remember the very few emotional collapses my wife had when she was pregnant with Pea. And I remembered, specifically, wanting her to knock it off because I felt annoyed… at how helpless I was.
I found myself agreeing with a man who was publicly decrying his wife for a prolonged bout of emotionality.
I’m such an ass. Well, at least I’m not stupid enough to say it in a public forum.
Oh. Oh no, wait…
I’ve said it before, but it bares repeating. Generally speaking, men like to fix things. And, when we can’t fix something, we get frustrated and annoyed. Why should those emotions change because the object of our annoyance happens to be pregnant?
This doesn’t mean we don’t or won’t stand by our pregnant wives and partners. We will spend 3, 4, 10 hours by their sides, wiping away the tears. Quietly.
And sure, there will be a part of us that is annoyed. Especially as the minutes turn to hours, in JJ’s case.
But ladies, be honest, isn’t there a small part of you that’s annoyed too? I mean, it can’t be fun to be stuck on an emotional roller-coaster for 9 months, can it?
JJ and Melanie did in fact talk about this post on the radio the morning after I wrote it. I was in the car when I heard it, and I yelled SHUT UP and nearly drove off the road. It’s weird to hear people talking about you on the radio. I felt like rolling down my window and telling other drivers to tune in to hear them talk about me.
And sorry Sara, but having to talk about your partner on air, and doing so in a realistic and sincere way, are two different things. As Christine points out, hearing a man refer to his wife as his roomate doesn’t strike me as honest…
And I say we start a movement to ban onions from all sandwiches. Onions ruin lives.
Awesome, Shawn! I can see both sides of this but really, having the meltdown and emotional craziness is WAY worse than witnessing it.
They talked about your blog this morning, Shawn!
I’m a regular Flow 93.5 listener, and remember this discussion! That morning, I was really surprised by JJ’s comments, because based on what I hear on the show, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Sorry Melanie, but I usually agree with him. That’s why, I never would’ve expected him to say something like this. All I kept thinking (as a woman who’s been in the same situation) was how insensitive he was being! It really does suck to be unable to control your emotions during pregnancy, and all you want is to be supported by your partner!
Upon greater reflection after reading your post, I totally get where JJ is coming from. As women, we tell men that we want them to share what they’re thinking, but when they do, we often condemn them if it’s not in line with our own feelings. If I’m being honest, I do this all the time without even realizing it.
The point is that JJ was there for his wife during the whole (3 hour!) episode, and was only commenting after-the-fact as to how he felt. To his credit, he didn’t reveal what she was crying about, which would’ve probably painted him in a better light, because I’m sure it was something insignificant. He obviously knows what a big deal it is for her to be carrying his child, he said so much on air.
For this reason, I think it’s cool that he could share this experience with the listeners. I’m sure that there are many men out there who could identify. His pregnant wife on the other hand, may not have been so understanding…she’ll come around, eventually 🙂
And I work for the Edge (and others) – Sean, one point, the people on the radio HAVE to talk about their significant others on air and be honest, that’s why we listen – and trust me, having many friends on air (with spouses and kids) the families all get it so she wouldn’t have cared.
I think the hormones do get frustrating…as a single pregnant person, talk to the guy at the Home Depot who dealt very well with my single hugest meltdown. But isn’t it part of the package? i.e. it’s nine months + and you get a kid out of it, so both sides can likely just suck it up??
Christine – that onion breath pushing comment was hilarious!
I listen to 102.1 The Edge, where Dean Blundell refers to his wife as his roommate…
When I was pregnant with #1 we really took care of each other – he comforted me when I got crazy. Then I got all sorry that I was nutty…
With #2 we had a baby already so we were tired and annoyed with each other regularly.
With #3 he could do nothing right and capped the pregnancy off by eating MY sub while I was in labour and then proceeded to encourage me to “Push Baby! Push!” with his onion breath. Ass.
He got me a fresh sub and then it was all good. I think because he got a little girl. That changed him.