All right folks, here we go, Part II of my three part series, Secrets from The Man-ual: Shawn Defies His Brethren.
If you missed the lead in, I asked for and received questions regarding all of the weird, quirky and annoying things the men in your life do that drive you nuts. Now, I’m answering.
The first round of answers can be found here.
Why do men wear pants with pleats, white socks with dress shoes, shirts that are way too big, cargo shorts, cell phone holders on belts and beige khakis in winter?
I don’t know where you find these people, but they are simply not men. So I am not in a position to comment. I say herd these folks into a pen and taser them all into proper style etiquette.
Except the cell phone holder — that’s like a socially acceptable tool-belt. Awesome.
Why do men think we appreciate when they act like bouncers? You know that bouncer attitude – look at me, I’m the man, I’m big and bad and tough and I’m always right.
Science has proven that when a man puffs up his chest, lifts up his chin, takes a wider stance and exudes general Bouncerness, he releases pheromones that lure unsuspecting women into having sex with him despite their own better judgment. Under the spell of a man’s “Bouncer scent,” women will by a man watches and clothes, wear more revealing clothes, and allow men to move in with them and play video games all day even though they only have a small bachelor apartment.
If you don’t believe that, and you shouldn’t because I made it up, then maybe you’ll buy this: the Neanderthal type man that acts like a bouncer all the time probably also wears white socks with dress shoes (if he owns dress shoes), oversized shirts, cargo pants and winter khakis. So he’s probably not worth it anyway.
Why don’t balding men just shave it off?
As a man, one of the few things I know about style is that it is cyclical. Stick with me on this one.
Right now, the 80’s are back in a big way, correct? Well, everything I’ve heard about the 80’s is that they were horrible, horrible years and everyone who went through them wishes they could forget them.
Despite this, the 80’s are back.
If this logic holds true, then there is hope for the combover. And this is why balding men don’t just shave it off.
How are men able to fall asleep so quickly?
Here, I shall assume you mean after sex. There are many reasons. For one, people usually have sex at night and, well, people sleep at night. Second, many men are so focused on avoiding ‘release’ that they fail to breathe properly during intercourse. Poor and inconsistent breathing can lead to oxygen deprivation, of which a side effect is sleepiness. Also, sexual activity releases tension, and when we are less tense, we tend to get sleepy.
Then there’s the chemistry that is ignited in a man’s body during an orgasm. Several hormones are released during orgasm that are linked to sleepiness and drowsiness. You can find a great and thorough explanation here.
So, men fall asleep so fast because of orgasms. A BBC study reveals that 75% of women don’t reach orgasm during sex, so one might assume that this is why they aren’t sleepy afterwards.
(For the record, my wife falls asleep before I do…I think… I don’t know… I’m usually asleep…)
What the heck is this “mansick” nonsense. Its a cold…it’s not the plague, you are still capable of completing basic tasks, yet the world comes to a complete stop so you can deal with the sniffles.
In Part I of this series, I commented on how men avoid the doctor at all costs. We’ll be on death’s door before we go to a walk-in clinic and even then, we’ll go reluctantly.
That said, we are still worried about the sicknesses we experience, however minor. We complain to you because you are our barometers… if we keep repeating our symptoms to you, at 2-5 minute intervals, we know that if things get too serious you will take necessary action and force us to get ourselves looked at.
When you force us to get looked at, our manliness is actually enhanced because we held our ground but are seeing a professional to make you happy.
My only pet peeve is that my husband can never seem to hear me when I am talking. He hears everything else well, it just seems that he is immune to the particular pitch and tone of my voice alone. Why is that??? I don’t nag him or really even talk that much!!
When you posed this question, I thought for sure that there was a scientific explanation. And there is! I took this from ABC News Online, and Australian news website. It was posted in August of 2005:
Men who are accused of never listening by women now have an excuse — women’s voices are more difficult for men to listen to than other men’s.
Reports say researchers at Sheffield University in northern England have discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds.
The research shows men decipher female voices using the auditory part of the brain that processes music, while male voices engage a simpler mechanism.
The Daily Mail quotes researcher Michael Hunter as saying, “the female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between men and women, and also due to women having greater natural ‘melody’ in their voices”.
“This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice,” Mr Hunter said.
The report says the findings may help explain why people suffering hallucinations usually hear male voices — the brain may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately than a false male voice.
The research is published in the specialist magazine NeuroImage.
So, it’s either the scientific explanation outlined above, or we just don’t want to do what you are asking us to do, so we ignore you. We’re simple creatures. The most obvious answer is usually the right one.
There you go, Part II. Part III to come in the near future.
I feel educated lol