Ask Shelly

The urbanmoms.ca team is delighted to present "Ask Shelly", a bi-weekly advice column featured on ask urbanmoms.ca. Shelly is a working wife and mom of 3 grown boys. She’s a Registered Licensed Holistic Massage Therapist, Reflexology Practitioner, Reiki Master, and freelance writer. In the course of her near-20-year career, she has seen clients through pregnancies and motherhood, and has been both mentor and confidant to women managing families, careers and personal struggles.

OVERWHELMED
Q: I’m 9 weeks pregnant and have an 18-month old toddler. I’m exhausted all of the time, and severely nauseous! As a stay-at-home-mom, I’m having a really hard time getting my energy up to care for and entertain my little girl all day. Do you have some advice for me?
I’m feeling really overwhelmed! Thank you!

A: Dear "Overwhelmed":

You actually answered part of your own question! You’ve recognized you’re at the beginning of your pregnancy and experiencing all the things that go along with it. But, it sounds like you’re concerned you’re not giving your toddler the attention she needs?  At 18 mos.she is sill a baby too. In your "up" time, give your baby some extra TLC, and real one-on-one mom time. Read a book or get outside for a bit. Just the two of you.

Although this child is too young to understand that there’s going to be another baby in the house, she is at the right age to be encouraged to enjoy quiet time, and to learn that mom gets quiet time, too.

Now is the time for you to get this little one into the habit of having an afternoon rest or quiet time. Whether she actually sleeps or not doesn’t really matter — because, if she needs sleep, she’ll sleep! She will be used to having an afternoon "personal play time", and will not feel slighted when she has to go for this rest while the new baby gets to stay up with you.

In the meantime, if you take that time to rest and rejuvenate, you can face those overwhelming feelings with a new sense of balance and excitement. Good luck with it!

SNOWED IN
Q: My young teenage sons both have part-time after school jobs. They both know it is their job to shovel the snow when necessary, but are constantly battling over whose turn it is, and who has done it more times. This constant battle is not just about snow shoveling! You have any peacemaking solutions? signed, "Snowed In".

A: Dear Snowed-In:

If you have a calendar, I have a solution! If both boys have the same work schedule, the shoveling will have to be done in the morning. Whoever shovels puts their initials on that day of the calendar. It’s true, due to school, work, colds etc., one boy may have his initials on there 2 or 3 times in a row. But, it’s all there in black and white, and the other bro will have to make up his time, no matter what the chore.

Actually, you may even find them getting the jump on each other to have the opportunity to do the one they want! Bonus!

Shelly is a working mom to 3 grown-up boys.  If you would like to ask Shelly a question, please email her. She’ll be happy to answer!  Shelly also blogs at http://healingbyhand.blogspot.com.