Sleep-overs: late-night whispers, games of Truth-or-Dare, popcorn, pillow fights, pranks, girly movies. I have so many great memories of slumber parties with my girlfriends. There was nothing quite so great as asking your mom if so-and-so could sleep over and having her say, “Yes, as long as it’s OK with her parents.”
But now I’ve got a daughter who is nearing sleep-over age and I find myself seized with terror at the thought of all the creepy things she could be exposed to: dirty-mouthed older brothers crashing the party, cable TV and a remote gone wrong at 2 am that lands on some nasty porn, greasy uncles hanging out with the kids, girls ganging up on each other and bullying…I could go on.
I guess it’s just another level of release that I will have to come to, but I am wondering how you approach sleep-overs with your kids. Do you have a set age you make them wait until before they’re allowed to spend the night at someone else’s house? Have you been in a situation where your child was invited to sleep over at a child’s home whose parents you didn’t know very well? How do you handle situations like that?
My daughters’ first sleepover was at some very good family friends, with two daughters, like us. They got used to sleep in another house, do all the night and morning routine by themselves, etc. There’s a 6 yrs difference between my girls. Ususally only one of them has a sleepover at a time. With only one friend at a time. Unless it’s sleepover/birthday party.
Don’t believe all you see in the movies. If the kids are grade 1-4, why do they need tv late in the night? The best part is to wisper secrets, tell scarry stories and eat late. And sleep very late, sometimes after 2:00 am. I always call them around 10-11:00 to tell them goodnight, or I tell the kids staying here to do so. I know very well all the parents. Only once my young daughter went to someone we didn’t know very well, I mean we don’t visit each other like family friends.
With older kids is different. Think when they are older and they go on a school trip. It’s worse, sometimes they really don’t like or don’t know the room-mate. Older kids have to fend for themselves. My older daughter went on school trips since she was grade 2, in international school, so the trips were at least 4 nights long, and abroad. Now THAT was a challenge, not only one night.
My daughter is 7 and i’m not ready for sleepovers yet for the same reasons mentioned in your post. that being said, i don’t think she’s ready yet either. my kids seem happy to come home and sleep in their own beds. they go to their cousins’ house to sleep over but i haven’t ventured beyond that…
My older one started at 8 years old and we found that invites were always from families we already knew. But I also think our community is tight and everyone is somewhat like minded. Expect the kids to have fun but respect their guests homes. Like Christine said, maybe sleepovers for boys are different? They usually want to watch a have pizza, watch a movie and maybe play some video games on the Wii. They’ll stay up later than usual and just talk and laugh. No internet time has ever been requested (another good thing about XBOX or Wii..they don’t tend to want to go on the internet if they get other screen time but age appropriate games only). We’ve never had any issues with sleepovers at our house or at a friend’s. Oh..one more thing..anytime a new friend comes over we give them the house rules (playdate or sleepover whatever) 1)no jumping on furniture 2) no throwing things 3)I expect nice behaviour 4)no closed doors OR you won’t be invited back. Always works!
I wonder if it’s different with boys? My oldest (now in gr 5) started having regular sleepovers in grade 3. That seemed to be the year of the sleepover. It also helps that we live is a small-ish town and he’s been in school with all the same kids since jr kindy (and the school population is about 200). I wouldn’t have let him sleepover somewhere I didn’t know the parents.
Cuyler won’t sleep anywhere but home – not even Grandparents.
Eva sleeps over at Nana’s (my mum) Friday nights and at Gramma’s (in laws) house Sunday nights.
Many of my children have had sleepovers but when my oldest (now 14) started I was a nervous wreck! My children have been educated on what is appropriate behaviour (on their part) when sleeping over and as well on private parts, and the fact that they can call me ANYTIME night or day if they want to come home for any reason. If any of my children are invited over to a friends to sleepover I have to know the parents – if I don’t then I suggest a play date first and make it my business to know the parents by introducing myself at the school, inviting them over for a cup of coffee etc… If I don’t know the parents – no sleepover. I also encourage sleepovers with only one friend – once you start adding a 3rd, 4th, or 5th the door then opens for disagreements, fighting, someone being left out, hurt etc.. in my opinion it is always best to have just one friend. I have never had an issue yet with older siblings:) Good luck! Once you get past that first sleepover you will start to be able to allow yourself a little more breathing space:)
I have been deflecting Camille’s sleepover requests all year because the whole thing makes me nervous. I just don’t know the parents at school well enough to feel comfortable allowing her unsupervised (by me) in their homes. Also, her best school friends have teenage brothers and even though they’re probably nice boys, that bothers me a bit.
That being said, we would totally have Avelyn over sometime if you wanted to try it out with some non-weirdos. 🙂
I hate sleepovers. I always encourage Kaylie to have them over here, though, so I don’t have to worry about the things you mentioned. If I do let her go, though, I have to meet the parents and we tell her that she can call us ANY time, no matter the hour, and sometimes we even give her one of our phones, just in case. They gives me a lot of anxiety, sleepovers do. I’m just not a fan.
Oh man. Trav and I were just listening to a Christian evangelist speaking about internet pornography and things of the sort, and he was saying that the days of sleepovers are over. With curious little girls and camera phones, or older brothers exposed to internet pornography and things like that, he said its just too easy for kids to get into trouble these days. It sure scared me. But if I knew all the parents and kids all really well I would probably let my kids go for a sleepover.
Abby has just started having sleepovers this year. Initially I had some of the same concerns as you … honestly, even for playdates. Just letting your kid go into someone else’s home opens up the possibility for all sorts of things they’ve never seen. But I’ve learned to let go. A talk about what’s appropriate, what private parts are all about, about good behavior and crossed fingers is about all we can do. I wouldn’t let her go to a sleepover at someone’s house I didn’t know. I’m not that brave yet!