I am a slob. And kind of lazy. Those two pieces of me add up to a messy house. I am working on it and trying to keep a tighter rein on my slothful tendencies, but I am also starting to wonder how I can teach my children about being tidy and helpful with chores when I can’t seem to master it myself.
I want our kids to help out around the house but I don’t know when (or how) to implement the addition of chores. Should I have the completion of chores coincide with an earned allowance so they can learn the value of hard work and a dollar? Or should they just be expected to pitch in and help with cleaning since they’re part of this family?
How young is too young to start expecting them to help with little jobs around the house? As it stands, my four year-old has no regular chores but we do ask her to clean up after the messes she makes, to put her dirty clothes in the laundry room, and, well, that’s about it. Am I breeding three future slobs? (Don’t answer that.)
I need some guidance here on how to teach them. But I think, firstly, I need some help myself on how to run a household. It’s the blind leading the blind ’round here, I’m afraid. How am I supposed to teach them a strong work ethic when I seem to have misplaced my own?
How do you keep your home running and decently clean? Any tips for getting kids involved in the process? Anyone know a good housekeeper?!
We do the 5 minute pick up. We race the timer to see if we can get everything picked up before it goes off. I do it with them. My 6 and 4 year old run around the house picking everything that is theirs up. It really works for us. We have tried the chore chart and didn’t see much success. You will just have to try some things to find what works for you and your girls.
I finally decided this last couple of months to institute a chore chart and allowance. My girls are at the age where they are able to be big helpers and they are! Up until now the premise has been we are a family of 5 with 2 working parents and helping out was just family responsibility. Now with them older and wanting to buy “stuff” I felt it was important to give an allowance to teach the value of a $. We have a chore chart with extra stuff to do to get an allowance and things must be signed off when done. This way I can see who is doing what. We also have household obligations which are not paid, keeping room clean, putting their own laundry away, setting the table and helping clear it after. Brooklyn isn’t able to do a whole lot, but little things (are like pulling teeth)she is able to do. Your kids are young. Find little things for them to help with but don’t stress about allowance. Kids that age don’t have a clue about money. Brooklyn often offers $5.00 to Delaney to clean her room. She really doesn’t have a clue that that is a lot!
Amanda,
I’m in the same boat, I just posted about it too. It’s hard, it becomes last priority. You have a lot on the go right now so maybe start small with having the kids help with their toys and sing a clean-up song. I’ve tried to institute the rule that one set of toys has to be put away before another activity is started but it’s hard to be consistent. I’m reading the comments along with you looking for solutions.
I get a little crazy if my house isn’t clean. Clutter makes me itchy, which makes me irritable, and maybe a leeetle bit irrational, and, you know, somewhat difficult to live with. So, my kids don’t clean. My four year old is in charge of dressing and undressing herself, washing her own hands, brushing her own teeth, and putting her own toys away. My two year old is in charge of undressing himself at bath-time and putting his own toys away. But all the other stuff? Um, no. I have the patience to be calm and supportive while potty-training four two year olds, a three year old and a one year old all at the same time. But not to let any of them help sort the laundry…. I’m sure there’s a support group out there for people like me.
TTFT – take time for teaching- is a good idea but lets face it- who has the time? I am no natural either but getting better. I want to teach my kids to cook but they are even busier than I am ! Yikes ! This is hard.
I am a freak about beds being made. An unmade bed feels like depression to me. They were making their beds at a very young age. I can deal with a few dishes dirty but curtains must be drawn and jammies off at crack of dawn and bed- well I used to make it with my (former) husband still in it.
If it helps I get loads of kids through my art studio who are manic hand washers ( a gift from their moms) – I think yours/ mine will be extremely well adjusted!
i hate to clean. in fact, hate is not strong enough. the thought of having to spend a whole afternoon cleaning fills me with anxiety and loathing. so instead i try to do little things during commercials or for five minutes here and there. it’s more digestable when you know it’ll be over in 5 minutes. as a result, my house is never neat and clean. it’s a house with 3 small kids and a kinda messy mom, and that’s what it looks like.
in terms of chores, i try to increase their home responsibilities every year. my 7 and 6 yr olds clear the table, put leftovers in the garbage and dishes in the sink. they wipe down the kitchen table. and i have to be able to see their bedroom floor before they sleep. little by little i’m hoping to fully delegate housecleaning to them 🙂
When I was a young adult living by myself I was anal about cleaning. My house was spotless. Enter Husband who is a slob. Shoes and clothes are everywhere. Enter children… and suddenly the chores are beyond me. I now “clean” once a week, Son (6) is in charge of his room and vacuuming, daughter (4) is in charge of windows and other surfaces she can spray and wipe up. I use kid friendly products. For me, it gets them out of my way and keeps them busy while I actually clean up. The kids prefer the house clean (because they can’t have friends over if its messy) so they can see the value of their hard work. The only other chore they have is packing off their plates from each meal and making sure all of the condiments are put away after each meal. This works for me now. Plus, my daughter loves dishes…so I think that will be her next real chore.
I am not sure how this will work out in the long run but I was raised with no chores and a mother who kept our house clean herself. In fact, I never even had to clean my room. Every sibling I have is tidy and I’m not sure if that is a result of growing up in a tidy house or just our personalities. Do your best, that’s all we can do.
P.S. I had a friend get so sick of the house being messy that she would get $20 cash back at the market and save the cash to pay a house cleaner every other week.
This is tough, I find. I’ve been telling my near-seven year old from as far back as I can remember, that he needs to help put things away because we’re a FAMILY and we work together – I am not the maid. I get them to do whatever I can get them to do: I hung hooks low in the closet so they can hang up their own damned coats. They can reach the mitts/hat bin on their own too. The can put their own clothes in the hamper… and when I ask them to straighten up, I know it won’t be a perfect job, but as long as they’re working on it too, I don’t mind doing, say, half of it.
But truly, lady – you’re way, WAY busy, with your course-load, and a small baby + 2 other young kids, and it’s an orchard, right? That’s a TON of work already!! Give yourself a break!! I think you totally rock the hard jam… enjoy being “OCD-free”, unlike myself… grrrrrrr.
An Occupational Therapist/Developmental Specialist who consults in my daughter’s preschool, said that chores are important for self-esteem and being a good citizen (of your home and then the world).
She gave a guideline of 2-3 times the child’s age per week (my daughter is 4 so she should complete 8-12 “chores” per week). The chore may be putting her laundry in the hamper or “making her bed.” If she completes her weekly chores, she gets a little treat (like playing a game with mom or doing a craft – not necessarily a ‘thing’).
She mentioned that preschoolers can do things like sort clean laundry (by family member), match socks, help put away silverware, dust, pull up the blankets on their bed, etc. It may not be perfect but it’s a start.
I definitely needed guidance on this…it usually feels easier to do it myself, but I know that will haunt me eventually!
With a toddler, baby and being pregnant, a lot of housework goes out the window here. My solution a few months ago was to divide laundry and housework up over the course of the week, Monday-Friday. If I only have one chore per day and one or two loads of laundry per day (we have lots of laundry with cloth diapers!), then it’s much more doable. I can have laundry and one house chore done in the morning quite easily. Self-discipline has always been a major weak point for me, but this weekly schedule makes it way easier to accomplish things and it helps with the tired mama-brain… if it’s written down I am less likely to forget! If something doesn’t get done one week, no big deal, but I try hard to stick to it.
One thing you can do to make things easier is to clean as you go. It’s pretty easy to teach kids to do it too – have them put their toys back in their proper bins (and compliment them heartily everytime for a job well done).
Also, when you’re cooking for instance, clear up as you go (while waiting for the pot to boil, start putting stuff in the dishwasher, wipe any spills and messes, etc.). It will make the clean-up process a whole lot faster and easier, since there’s less mess to contend with.
Amanda,
I just ordered this on Amazon not 10 minutes ago. Melissa and Doug Chore Chart.
http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Deluxe-Magnetic-Responsibility/dp/B000NTZL7U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1295910677&sr=8-1
Now, I bought this for my 5 1/2 yr old who I hope to have his bed made, toys put away, teeth brushed (in the morning, I must do it at night!!) and dressed for the day. This is my “ideal” for him before he comes out of the room in the morning. Well, at least the dressing and bed made part.
So, I bought this chart to help out. Maybe a quarter for every job, 4 jobs a day, $1 day, only on weekdays, so $5 a week? $20 a month? Just thinking out loud here.
Either way, making a chart or a visual might start something with the oldest, then get the younger ones on board as time goes on…..I’ll let you know how it goes!
Okay. So I know this is REEEEEALy lame-o, but honestly, I, too, have slothful and untidy (downright messy, really) tendencies–and this website has ACTUALLY helped me. I like that you do one VERY MEASLY thing a day, and make it into a habit. So anyways, here it is.
http://flylady.net/pages/begin_babysteps.asp
it could help that I’m 5 months pregnant (with #2) and nesting like a bird.
I have a teacher friend who once told me that she had the hardest time getting her two year old daughter to keep her room clean. Her son had always kept his room tidy but her daughter liked to be messy. I was just shocked that she got a two year old to actually CLEAN UP. I am a tidy person but my son is not, partially because he is only 2 and because I don’t care if he gets his toys out. I usually ask him to help me clean up, but he’s not really good at it yet.
I think at four, you should be able to ask her to clean up her toys, put her dirty clothes away and attempt to make the bed, put her dishes on the counter or sink, and help put dishes away. But she’s still too little for cleaning and vacuuming!
Chores are good for teaching general responsibility and skills. But when it comes to housework, a lot of it comes down to personality. My oldest who is 8 (can you believe it!) loves to clean and cleans all the time without being asked. She’s a lot like me. My youngest, who is 6 is sometimes forced to clean her room and do other things around here, but it is like pulling teeth. It is clear to me already that if she has a clean house when she is an adult it will be because she hired a maid or married someone who likes to clean. And you know what? That’s just fine.
If you are going to have a career and a family I think you are fully justified in hiring a maid service. It’s not worth your time and energy to do it yourself if you hate it.
Dear Amanda- I think you need to give yourself more credit. Remember the three kids, real estate course and crazy life thing? I happen to know you clean your floors much more than bi-annually and you graciously host many people through your house every week. No ones house is perfect! And you’re doing real good. Hang in there.
No real advice here. It just seems that people tend to do the opposite of their parents. So your girls will prob. be neat freaks 😉
One thing I read and has helped me is that I set the timer (or watch the clock) and I try to do 30 minutes of cleaning at some point in the day. That 30 minutes is usually interrupted but making the attempt always lets me feel better. Also, I try to do something wherever the kids are. In the tub? I clean the toilet and wash the sink. In the toy room? I dust and maybe go through a bin of toys with them to organize. In their room? I go through clothes. Little bits at a time.
Good luck!
I’d always rather hoped that I could train them to do it FOR me. Hasn’t worked out .