I don’t feel as awful as I thought I would!
I am the first to admit that this whole stay-at-home-mom gig isn’t necessarily my strong suit. I love my kids with all that I am, but I can’t say I wake up excited about the lovely craft projects I have planned for them, and all the thrilling things I will teach them about the solar system, and how fun it will be to vacuum the floor while the baby naps. Truth be told, the crafts are few and far between (mainly plunking the eldest down with a colouring book and letting her creativity flow by its lonesome while I check Facebook) and the vacuuming rarely gets done. I know I am a good mom, and I work hard to raise our girls to be decent human beings but I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t exactly thrive in this domestic realm.
Many people warned me that they found the jump from two kids to three kids to be extremely challenging, so I assumed that I would feel the same way, since I didn’t even have my act together with the first couple of rugrats. But I haven’t had as tough a time as I anticipated. Perhaps my expectations were so low that I couldn’t help but be pleasantly surprised when things actually felt quasi-manageable. The hours are crazy and busy and it feels like I’m bouncing from task to task while never really accomplishing much to show for at the end of the day, but really, it ain’t so bad.
I think a big part of it lies in knowing that Brinley is our last baby, so instead of wishing away the tiring newborn haze, I am drinking it in with slow, exhausted gulps, and my heart aches with a new wistfulness as I see her grow and change so quickly.
I also think I have grown more confident in my parenting skills (not to suggest I have in any way mastered the art of child rearing…but I have found techniques that work for our kids and I’m not floundering in indecision about philosophies like I was a couple years ago) as well as my own personal identity as a mother.
This getting older/wiser thing comes with its perks, despite the crows’ feet.
After the birth of which child did you experience the toughest transition? Were you surprised?
You’re an old pro! I mean a young, old pro. Very young. I can’t see any crows feet! I’m so proud of you for recognizing that you’re a great parent, even if you don’t fit the antiquated fairytale of domesticity. (Or the current one either). You’re a fabulous mother.
My Mum always said the jump from 1-2 kids was harder than 2-3 (but her second/my middle brother was an energetic/adventurous/challenging child and her third.my youngest brother was an easy baby) it seems like a few comments are saying 3 is easier than 2 so maybe the jump from 1-3 won’t be so hard either….I’m hopeful!
I am on baby #1 (she’s nearly 11 months old) and while hubby and I know we want another, we are in no rush. Of course, we are still adjusting to this addition in our lives. My mat leave payments have expired so I am officially a SAHM with no pay cheque. Just today, I said to my husband that I miss being a DINK ( Double Income, No Kids) couple. What? I was shopping and wanted an outrageously expensive pair of boots that are no longer justifiable to my job description.
Money is just my hurdle of the week in this lifestyle transition.
I still strive to achieve balance in house work and mummyhood. And being a mum absolutely wins out. My motto? ‘I’m a great mum, and a shitty housewife’. So the furniture looks like it has grown moss some weeks… I’m learning to deal.
I loved this post! I don’t usually respond to blog’s but this one was perfect! I have two girls ages 3 and 1 and hope to have at least one more…But I’m not a stay-at-home type of person either! I couldn’t wait to get back to work!
From 2 to 3 was the hardest for me. Before him I never realized how noisy my other two were, and before him the others weren’t quite old enough to have battles like they can do so well now. Baby boy #3 (and LAST) is almost 2 and I feel like I’m just coming up for air. I totally loved your house tour the other day, because it was so much like my house. I loved your attitude on “this is how we live”. That’s so our house. And I’m much the same as you in the SAHM thing. My Grade 1er has been home sick for the week and I can’t wait for him to be healthy already so he can go back to school!
I have 2 and the first was SO HARD. I was completely blindsided by his need for ME. ALL. THE. TIME. I never knew I was selfish until I had him. Now? I would not change a single, solitary moment. Glad you are loving it and have been taking the time to stop and appreciate all you have.
I found the transition from 1 to 2 way harder than from 2 to 3 or 3 to 4! I think because when I had my second baby, the first (who was so used to being my one and only) was SO jealous, and she was kind of a strong willed, energetic handful to begin with. She pushed my buttons and did naughty things like crazy when I’d try to nurse or do anything with the baby. When I had my 3rd, my first two had each other to play with and they kept themselves so very occupied. It was lovely!
I only have one kid and I found the transition to stay at home mom trying at times. My mom stayed at home until I was in high school and I tell her every week how much more I appreciate that now! It’s much harder than it looks, juggling housework and a grouchy teething baby. Or having the house clean for only 5 minutes until the kitchen cupboards are emptied and there are Rubbermaid containers EVERYWHERE! Or worse when you are talking to someone and they “oh, so you dont’ work?” in a negative tone. Blah! But I am getting the hang of it and I love being a stay at home mom, I wouldn’t change it for anything!!
Going from one to two was a major shock for me. I naively figured that hey, I already kinda knew what I was doing so a second baby should just slip in. Hah! Where was my mind? Two kids was/is waaaayyyy more than twice the work of one. My second baby is a great baby – happy and laid back so I can’t imagine if he was cranky or extremely needy. My 3 yr old daughter is very busy and rather demanding – we nn her “The Small Boss” ages ago! But this is likely our last so I try super hard to cherish every moment.
I just have the one right now but, Amanda, this post gives me hope. I’ve been following your blog since before you had Karenna. And the silence after her birth scared me! You also had some very honest posts that made me think about our own child spacing plans.
This post is good news. Happy that you are doing well with three. Maybe two is the hard transition? That is what my mom said and she had six.
I’m so glad it’s better than you expected!!!
I didn’t find the transition from one to two all that bad, since they’re 6 years apart and Kaylie was in Kindergarten during the day. I’m curious how two to three is going to go with two at home and one at school.
WEll…I only have one – so that was my toughest transition…but my god giving up the days of sleeping in or lying on the couch or not caring what was in the fridge…oh showering…essentially of putting myself first…what a crazy transition to knowing you are sooooo second….