I have been battling more anxiety about this pregnancy than I did for my first two. In my heart I wonder if three healthy children are too many to ask for, and if the odds are stacked against us that we’ll suffer a loss, or find out our baby is sick at the upcoming ultrasound, or have something go wrong with the labour and delivery. I know there’s no use in dwelling on such thoughts, but they’re still there, lurking at the back of my mind.
I still haven’t felt this baby move (I’m 16 weeks along) and while I didn’t feel either of my girls move until the 18 week mark or so, I guess I was hoping for some earlier movement as a source of reassurance. And I’m scared about the ultrasound we’ll be having in a few weeks’ time. What if they find out the baby has Down Syndrome? Or a heart defect? Or? Or? Or?
I am just so reminded of the uncertainty and vulnerability that comes with pregnancy. Everything is so out of our hands and it’s both scary and peaceful to realize that. Even once our babies are born, they come with no guarantees. Parenthood leaves us so open to pain and loss, as well as joy and fulfillment, but all we can do is hold on tightly to the days we’ve been given with our children.
How do you deal with anxiety or worry in your pregnancies and child-raising experiences?
I had so much anxiety and worry when I was pregnant with Ty that I honestly don’t think I slept through the night more than five times during the whole pregnancy; it was awful. I had spotting 3x in my first trimester, which led to early ultrasounds, so that was somewhat reassuring when they were fine, but I also had no typical pregnancy symptoms, so that constantly made me worry that something was wrong and I had suffered a “silent miscarriage”. My 20-week ultrasound quashed a lot of the anxiety, and once he was born healthy, the anxiety disappeared, but I don’t know if I could go through that again. At my age, I think I’d have even more anxiety with another pregnancy (being in the 35+ age range) and I think I’d be tempting fate.
Hang tight until your ultrasound ~ I’m sure you’ll feel more reassured after you see your little one kicking on the blurry black and white screen!
Hey Amanda!
So easy to say ‘don’t worry’ isn’t it? I had a false positive test early on in my pregnancy and had an amnio and multiple, multiple ultrasounds when my son stopped getting bigger. (he’s just fine now!) I have two nephews – one with autism and one with epilepsy. I have a 2.5 year old niece who just finished chemo – and two close friends one who lost a child during labour and one just after. I had many many reasons to panic and worry. Then I thought of the multitudes of healthy children born all the time and the strength of all of my friends and family who have had issues and realized, you just roll with the punches good or bad. And that worrying wasn’t helping my case. Hang in there and enjoy…!!!
I know how you feel. Having been through two miscarriages, each pregnancy always came with worries. All I could do was think positively and know that if it was not meant to be, it was not my fault or because of something I did or didn’t do. The ultrasounds I had would help me feel a sense of relief with my successful pregnancies.
I also found talking to friends and family as well as blogging helped because I wasn’t alone. Other moms or moms-to-be shared the exact same worries I had, whether they had been through a miscarriage or not.
Just keep your chin up and think happy thoughts.
HUGS