” Chivalry is dead. And women killed it.”
-Dave Chapelle
Last week my book club read and discussed this book by the name of “The End of Men”
I seemed to be the most worked up over it and not just because “The End of Men” is an awful prospect. I fear for girls and I fear for boys.
I fear for the future of intimacy.
The first part of the book dealt with the “hook up culture” and while there are aspects post sexual revolution that I think are both amazing and critical to women’s rights and well being, there is so much that makes me uncomfortable.
I find it very hard to point to any one thing. I am a mom of daughters, a single woman and a runner in the race we call human- I find it distressing.
It is good women don’t sit and wait by the phone anymore, it is good women are able to focus on themselves, their goals, their carreers. It is critical that women have reproductive rights and sexual freedom. But I just can’t buy the notion that confidence and self esteem are cornerstones to random hook ups. I don’t believe women (or men for that matter) can hook up endlessly and randomly without a toll on their emotional selves.
And if they can I think it is a disaster.
Human connection is why we are here. If the ultimate human connection is sexual and spiritual and that is discounted to nothing more than the equivalence of a handshake- then what is left of us?
Who we are and who we become is a collage of who we interract with. People either add to who we are or take away from who we will become. If our highest form of interraction is made ridiculous and superfluous – what is left of us?
One of my daughters once said- “Where are the boys who are kind and good?” And a man close to our family in his 20’s said ” Waiting for the girls who are the same.”
I fear for the future of intimacy, too. And less so in sexual kinds of ways, because I think people can have physical interactions that are not always entwined with love… and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing – especially for all the modern ways in which we live and love now – and chivalry may in fact be dying, but like Julie said, I think manners never should.
I loathe the bad manners of others. I’m irritated when a cashier can’t even look me in the eye during our entire three-minute transaction or say good morning. I don’t believe people should be looking at their phones or texting/twittering/etc while we’re at dinner together. I don’t think children should be playing on game-consoles while in restaurants, either.
Human connection is SO important. I think the world is beginning to slide… I don’t like where it’s heading. 🙁
Oh Nanc – great one and now I want to read this book. The part of your post that struck me was – But I just can’t buy the notion that confidence and self esteem are cornerstones to random hook ups. I don’t believe women (or men for that matter) can hook up endlessly and randomly without a toll on their emotional selves.
I am a living breathing example of this. I was a hook up queen at university. It destroyed my already fragile self esteem and I’m still dealing with the fall out from it. I find it hard to equate love with physical love. They are still separate to me. It’s amazing how you can turn off your heart and just be physical and then your heart breaks when the emotional isn’t returned.
sigh….I like the response of ‘waiting for the same’ Wise kid.
i’ll agree with that statement. maybe the time for chivalry is over but manners never are. “people” should hold doors open for “people”…younger “people” should give up seats for older “people”…”people” should let other “people” go first sometimes..doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman.
i find that men are afraid to do nice things since on the other side they don’t know if they’re going to be yelled at as being chauvinistic when, in fact, they’re just being thoughtful.
i can’t see hookups being productive or meaningful…i would say they devalue the self. as a mom of two girls (nowhere near dating yet!) i hope i still have time to instill a great self worth into them.