I am always deeply suspicious when I see a mass of mourners for a famous person.
When Princess Diana died in a car crash- I saw the tragedy of a woman who was in the middle of her life, a mother of two boys who needed her, a daughter , a friend, gone forever. But that was pretty much it.
Was it more tragic because she was a beautiful princess? Sorry Walt Disney, no.
Was it more sad because she did so much good? Perhaps.
Was it more sad because she had sadness herself? We all have sadness.
I did not feel more sadness than I would if a mother that I knew died young and tragically.
With Whiney Houston dying, I see the same thing. People flocking, sobbing, watching, mourning, naming their children Whitney. Dedicating hours to this. Some say “stupid woman”. Some say “fallen angel”. All are consumed by grief. I am sorry I don’t feel it. It hit me with sadness but it did not linger. I have people I know to worry about. Yes, She is a woman my age- so far too young, voice of an angel- yes, but so?
It may have killed her to have so much talent and not enough strength to handle that gift. But it is not for us to speculate.
It is not more sad to me than starving children, the oppressed, the mentally ill, the chronically sick. It is not like someone you love dying.
(don’t get me started on how sad the world was when Klum and Seal split up.)
This is where the obsession about people we don’t know freaks me out.
Sometimes it is true that we cry at something sad because we can’t cry for ourselves. Sometimes we cry for the loss that is represented.
But I get this sneaky feeling always that this crowd is crying harder for a stranger than they would for their close people. I feel they are confusing intimacy and what that person represented.
You did not know them. They were not family. How do they take up so much space in your heart? I have other uses for that very crowded square footage.
They were not ‘better than”, they are not more important than your neighbour, your friend, your family.
Bottom line – if it were you in that coffin- they would not be at your funeral. They would not cry. You were not close. They never spent 1/2 the night talking about you at a dinner party. They were not your family. This is not love.
I don’t know. I feel the famous are at a disadvantage becaus they have no idea who to trust- everyone wants a peice of them, they have no idea why people love them the way you and I are sure people love us for all the right reason. I think the wealth and fame come at an enormous cost after all.
I love that line and just love that you are quoting Rush!!!
You are right Celt- thank you for commenting and reading
I agree Erin.We take a moment with the brilliant or the gifted for what they have given the world but that is it.
Nicely written Nancy! Have to admit I felt a wee bit of anger towards her, I seem to have a lack of sympathy for those with addiction problems that are in the spotlight. A character flaw I know. For those battling addictions and don’t have access or money to be able to help themselves, those I have sympathy for. I do feel bad for feeling this way, as I imagine they don’t have a lot of positive helpful people in their lives or know who actually cares for them and doesn’t just want their fame or fortune. I feel even more when they have children and find it selfish and wrong to not try and get help for their addictions for the benefit of their children
I feel sadness for them but I don’t understand the obsessive grief for them
Always think of that line from Rush song
“I can’t pretend a stranger is a long awaited friend”
I totally agree with your viewpoint in the article Nancy. Some people seemed to get obsessed with stars and I certainly don’t understand that. We need to care for and be the best friends and family we can be to those we love not obsess over some people that didn’t even know us.
I don’t know about the whole “grieving” part either. I just feel a bit sad when someone passes, especially when it was too soon, whether one could probably see it coming, or not. Etta James died not too long ago, but she was in her seventies – not exactly a short life. When a celebrity dies, I ponder the life… and the passing. It is a bit weird to think of people actually being all broken up and wailing – that’s odd.
There’s so much sensation about celebrity news in general, it’s not a wonder that people feel like they “know” a person – like Aileen said. But, I don’t think a heart’s space can be measured. You feel something, or you don’t. The problem lies in not feeling for the other parts that matter, I guess.
Good post, Village!!
It was the same with Steve Jobs. Really? It is always sad when someone dies too young and leave young children behind. But honestly, it doesn’t affect me directly at all so I can feel compassion and empathy but I’m not grieving.
yes Aileen- should we not care about others in some kind of direct proportion to how they care about us? If we mean nothing to them does this not say something? If they don’t care about whether I floss or believe in God should I care whether they do?
Funny – I checked your blog to make sure you had not written about it Sara! I still think you should- so much to say on this topic.
yes- very good Toby. And all of that makes sense- however I think even though this is the age old Virgin Mary phenomena- the grief of our modern society is remote and unaccessible when it counts. We are numb and the horrible/bizarre is normalised in a way that is dramatic and alarming.
As Aileen says- the addiction to reality TV and other people’s problems is part of our desensitization.
Thank you for this great explanation
Very quickly: Marion Woodman explains that Diana was the target or screen for a mass projection of the unconscious feminine. Think Virgin Mary, but modern. The same would be true for any female star, or male star for the masculine. The entire star phenomenon is the result of people seeing aspects of themselves of which they are not conscious. They can _only_ see them when they project them. The death of such a figure brings feelings of loss which are not connected to the actual person, but to the psyche of the viewer.
You beat me to it Nanc. I was going to write the same today – I’m a bit enraged over the whole thing – especially the fact that they flew the flags at half mast. This makes me very very angry. Can you imagine if you were a mother of a fallen soldier and Whitney effing Houston got the same dedication as your child. UGH. Although I did cry wihen Lady Di died…but for me, as you said, it was a mother gone too soon and I have so many memories of my own mom wrapped up in her (and I did meet her!) that it hit close.
I agree with you both. In answer to your question though Jen, I think it’s because we have so much intimate information about these people. – where they shop, what they eat, their pets, their children – that we feel we know them personally. The line between “real” people (those you know personally and who have an influence on your life) and celebrities is very blurry and it confuses people into believing we are part of one big family or community. But again, I agree. Save your energy for people you do actually know and who reciprocate your feelings, or who need help, as Nancy mentions.
I totally agree, Nancy. I felt sad about Whitney and Diana was shocking but it is not even close to losing someone you love. And this false sense of friendship and closeness is alarming. I heard that there were suicides linked to Whitney’s death. Bizarre and tragic. I would rather spend my time and energy on real and mutual relationships.
Can anyone explain it?