This was said to me so many times when I was a kid an outsider may have thought it was my given name.
While sensitivity can be hard thing to accept in yourself, it can also be a gift. On one hand you share your tears with people who don’t deserve them, feel the world’s pain too much, and often take things way too seriously when they are not intended that way. But it also has a glorious side if you can tame it a little.
My sensitivity has opened up the whole world for me. I see things that others might not, I understand people differently, and I live a very creative and rich life, feeling things deeply. I have been known to cry when something is beautiful. It can be an anecdote about something that happened to someone I don’t even know-a hard thing for them or a lovely thing, it can be a view, a tender moment or someone’s pain.
When my daughters were little they used to run down the street every Tuesday to ballet class-sausage legs in pink tights, leading with tummies as chubby bottoms peeked from under tutus. One perfect Fall day -they ran laughing as the sun trickled through the canopy of trees and orange, yellow and red leaves did a slow dance to the ground. It is still one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life. Naturally, I cried.
One of my daughters is particularly sensitive and always has been. She has never liked loud noises, wants the world to be happy and has a loveliness almost too good for this world. Lately we are having many discussions about loving this and not apologizing for it. Great and beautiful things come from the sensitive. She sings like an angel, is affectionate and loving, writes beautifully and cares deeply. For a teenager though it can feel like a burden. Surrounded by cool and edgy, you wonder if your planet is elsewhere.
Two things help the sensitive- a sense of humour and creativity. Humour helps you laugh at difficulty and not take it all too seriously. Creativity gives you a place to put all that feeling. You can turn it into something.
I meet people all the time who have grown up and away from their sensitive side. They have squashed it, dismissed it and become hardened. Divorce is one of the most heartbreaking life experiences to have and yet I could not give over my sensitivity to that.
The other day a good friend said, and perhaps a little critically, “you are so sensitive.”
I thought- ” Yes. Aren’t I lucky?”
Nancy, that little perception tweek was needed. Filling under the “good to remember” category.
As an emotional person, I do forget how dimensional people are from very emotional to very not.
I get caught showering emotion on people who lack the emotional “apparatus” so to speak to be ok with that then I feel suprised or disappointed.
Now I realize, I must appear like those people on the corner of Yonge and Dundas. Makes sense that sometimes people (insert family member here) look rather horrified or squirmy at my displays.
My point was referring to people who defensively use the “sensitive” card to deny the opportunity to see how they themselves are partly responsible for enhancing drama.
I just figured out it would be more useful to work on not getting defensive when someone is getting defensive rather than seeking to force awareness on people who are not prepared for it.
Namaste
well we are all complicated, different and so the same. Sometimes ‘you are so sensitive’ comes from -I don’t want you to take all of this as seriously as you are – I am sensitive too and I don’t know how to talk around it and express it as well as you do. Don’t you think?
People’s littleness comes out exposing them, trying to “help you” so that they can conceal their egoic manipulations.
Telling someone “you are so sensitive”, it is like saying “oh look, your white shirt is white.” Yes, humans tend to feel their feelings.
It really prickles me when people make passive comments because they are not equipped to deal with a show of feelings. If they are bothered by it, they need to ask themselves why.
I loved your retort. It is very polite and direct and nicer than the things I have said in response to this before. Useful bit indeed.
So many times I wished I was the tough one. And you wish you were more sensitive. Isn’t life fascinating. I said at the end of this past weekend that I was sorry you were the only one I did not even speak with or get to know-next time for sure.
I wish I was more sensitive.
I wish I could cry.
Does not come easy for me.
Go figger.
Thank you Nancy! That is the exact reason it is named “How Does She Do It Mom” I have heard from many…”how do you stay in shape” “how do you manage to still look good” “how this, how that…how do you do it” That is the precise reason it is named that way!
PS: I was telling my fiancé today about your blog…how your family is “not broken but fixed”. Being a part of a fully functional and happy blended family he LOVED it…as do I!
looking forward to checking it out. I have heard ‘I don’t know how she does it” before -what a great name for your blog.
Hi Nancy…i checked out your other blog and loved it! Enjoyed reading from someone who has been down my road.
My site is http://www.howdoesshedoitmom.com/. I would love your feedback on it…from a woman who has been down the same road as me…I am sure that you can relate to the struggles of being a single mom and keeping with the “woman” you want to be at the same time.
Looking forward to your feedback. 🙂
Sara- after playing golf with you I can say- that you are not only hysterical but occasionally quite creative with that swing! It was AMAZING getting to know you-n
that you are lucky, jen!
send me your link carrie I would love to check it out- read Caricature of Divorce on my other blog http://myfamilyisnotbroken.wordpress.com/2010/02/10/caricatures-of-divorcef/ -I think you will read. Bravo for being strong and soft at the same time.
Ditto Jen. I have always been incredibly sensitive – prone to tears at the drop of a hat and I can say that becoming a mom has multiplied that ten fold. I like your points about a sense of humour and creativity being used to offset this. Never thought of it that way…I like it!
I just wept reading your post. What does that say about me?? 😉
Nancy…I am a divorced woman of two kids who is “remarrying” my fiancée moved in four months ago. I never felt myself to be a victim. Did not fall prey to that typical bitter divorced woman syndrome. I had faith that in time I would find love again…and did i EVER!!
I found my soul mate! I actually started blogging about my experiences as a mom/single mom/woman as well…its quite the story. I am going to check your other blog out right now!! 🙂
carrie- thank you for telling your part. It was exciting for me to see that you are also a divorced woman remarrying -perhaps it was your sensitive side that saved you and kept you open for love again. I hope you will stop in on my other blog – my family is not broken – just click under my picture above- I think you will relate. best-n
From one sensitive woman to another…this blog touched home for me!
I have always been sensitive. As long as I can remember I have heard people say, “Carrie don’t be so sensitive” “Carrie you are too sensitive”.
I didn’t understand as a young child why this sounded like I was “being bad”. As I got older I still could not grasp why people said things like this to me as if it was a bad quality. It didn’t feel bad. I was being kind and caring.
But I did learn, as you did, how to control it! Mostly 3 years ago when I decided to leave my husband. I was tired of crying, tired of always feeling like I was hurting him when he was really the one hurting me!
I have pretty much learned how to keep my sensitivity for special moments and loving my children and now fiancée instead of becoming wrapped up in everyone else.
Thank you for sharing this blog. 🙂