One day several years ago, I walked by a woman I hardly knew in my neighbourhood and noticed once again that in the bright, spring sunshine at 3 pm on a regular Tuesday with spectacular tulips popping up at every corner, that she was fall down drunk. I had seen her like this from a distance over a few months, her desperation rearing its incongruous head amongst children playing hopscotch and the whistling postman delivering mail.
Sometimes when the lion escapes from the zoo- we are so shocked to see it in our neighbourhood we assume it must be there for a good reason. For a moment we don’t have time to make it our problem, we have our own and we are in such a hurry. I was tired of not doing more than saying “are you alright?” so after I walked by her commenting on the beautiful day, I backtracked. I said ” can I hug you ?” She fell into my arms and sobbed like a teenager drunk on Southern Comfort having seen her boyfriend leave with another. She left the makeup that was holding her together all over my jacket in a clown face imprint. I told her her children would be coming to my house and I would take her dog as well- and wrestled the leash from her. I flagged a car down that was passing- and winked and said -please take her home.
The children came with mine to my home. The air was thick with the obvious but soon they started to play and forgot their thoughts. They stayed for dinner. I gave them baths and pyjamas. Finally I spoke with the husband who I had never met- It was not important for him to like me and I did not care if I offended him- I said your wife is in serious trouble and you must help her. Take the cars keys from her permanently, check her into a program, intervene aggressively. Surely many in our tight community had reached out and told him this.
He said I was the first.
what a scare Idas. A moment to remember what we need to be thankful for and make the most of today. I am so glad to hear your friend is ok. thank you for your thoughtful response-nancy
I have been trying to get together with my first two work girlfriends ever, I met them when I was nearly 30. Layoffs separated us then a lottery winning and move out of the city, then kids. We planned for weeks to see each other tomorrow for dinner, our first in 4 years. Today I found out her car was hit by a 18 wheeler leaving her thankfully alive but with a concussion and whiplash.
Life has its ways of reminding us there is no time like the present to connect with people. Stepping into someone’s life sometimes requires drastic measures. “Can I hug you” is my personal favourite. I am going to ask for a “Free Hugs” t-shirt for my birthday.
xoxo
I see her from time to time and she looks better and she seems better. I can only hope so.
Thanks for reading and commenting-n
Nancy,
As this post indicates this occurred “years ago”. I wonder where that individual is now. Did the husband step up? did her ‘community’ of friends? Did she seek/receive help or did her disease end her marriage and remove her from the care and control of her children? I for one would love to hear more and that there was a positive ending.
a few important notes- she was not a friend but someone I hardly knew- that I was the first to reach out made me wonder where her friends were. Where was her closer community? Where were her people who saw her daily?
Also- as with any gift- it is not important how it is received but rather that it is given from the right place. I did not care if she pushed me back or acted indignant or hostile(both of these things later happened).
It is a very scary thing to see up close. We are all potentially a tragedy away from serious difficulty ourselves.
What you did was incredibly brave and honourable. However, sometimes this type of help is not always received with relief and open arms. I hope your friend gets the help she needs. She is also incredibly brave for accepting it.
thank you for saying so- I also don’t always but try to. We need to actively build the community we want to live in. Thanks for reading-n
Just want to say thank you for doing this. Many of us are guilty of just walking on by.