Change is such a positive force but also often hard to warm to. We hold on to the oddest habits and behaviors. I have been going to the same place in Florida off and on for 15 years. (the antithesis of adventure and change). In all that time the view of the pool below has had the same guy every day at the same time enter the pool area, drape his subtly striped towel over the back of the same chaise, clear his throat, dip in one toe to test, then perform a shallow dive entry from the deep end and make 45 brisk lengths of the pool. Never 46, never 44. Never a floral towel in hot colours. And never a speedo, thankfully.
What would happen to this fellow if his lengths were interrupted, the pool was closed due to a fouling (love the expression, hate the thought), what if he could no longer manage the front crawl and had to revert to the side stroke or breast? Would this free him or cripple him?
We crave both change and routine at varying degrees and the give and take of these polar forces at different times in each of our lives makes us very the same and very different. Routine gives comfort and form and can hold the fragile moments together. Change can be a shakedown, leaving us exposed and unsheltered. This can be exhilarating, frightening and even a catalyst for greatness.
Some crave change because they never have to look at their reality square in the face for what it is. Some demand strident routine because it holds them together like a tightly wound bandaid covering a deep cut. Something lies below but we are afraid to look and afraid to unravel.
Every morning my grandfather ate Shredded Wheat cereal with skim milk. On Sundays he washed his car and waxed it until he could see himself clearly in its reflection. When he entered the gate at their cottage he honked twice. When my grandmother died the heartbreak and the change almost killed him immediately. He held on but not for long.
Some change leaves the slate so blank it is debilitating. We may feel lost and alone. When you leave a marriage, even if you have wanted to for a long time, it can have an extremely disorientating effect. We don’t belong to anyone anymore and the most important relationship we have had in our adult life is over. Snapped in two.
Equally, with all the good that can be said of a long marriage, the inability to change habits, behaviors, impulses and actions can prevent the partnership from experiencing the exhilaration that oozes out of all sides of newness.
I love the story that illustrates this so well-the married couple falls into bed exhausted – no time or energy to talk or have sex. An hour later an old friend rings the doorbell and the couple get up, excitedly, pour drinks put out food and talk energetically until the wee hours of the morning.Where was this energy for each other ? A couple dating is not going to bed to go to sleep but also won’t even answer the door. If they do, they are distracted by the desire to get alone again. All of this seems a little backwards. Our most important relationship may be the last served.
Change the way you look at things and the the way you look at things change.
excellent use of examples – very well written bitsy