I had book club last Friday. It’s a sweet group of women who I never knew existed until I had Will. All are new friends who I met either while knocked up or at Baby Club (yes…). I love them. We get together once a month to talk about the book (20 mins); men and sex (1 hour); kids (30 mins) and our families (20 mins…after holidays..1.5 hours). We drink bourbon sours and eat chips and dip. Will manages to sleep through the screaming laughter upstairs. Perfect.
This week we upped the quota on book talk to over an hour. The book was Infidel. The book was incredibly interesting and it inspired a great religious discussion. It brought me back to the whole ‘do you take your kid to church’ discussion in my head. (I’m quite sure I’ve written of this internal debate before but I can’t find it!)
We went to church every Sunday when I was Will’s age. I loved it. We walked there as a family. And all the other families in the hood were there too. I won second prize in a singing contest (yup – two competing) and still have the certificate. We had fun Christmas parties. But besides the ark and the ‘no room at the Inn’ story – I truly don’t remember any of the religious teachings. But I only remember church from those days in a positive light.
So. Why do I spend every Sunday morning lying on the couch watching iCarly re-runs with the kid or walking to our coffee shop to eat apple fritters? Shouldn’t I be exposing him to the same. Shouldn’t we be joining a church to become part of the community?
My friend Kimberly said, ‘but aren’t we a community and aren’t you a part of it?’ It’s stuck with me the last few days as I think about what we talked about. What I loved and took from church was family and community and not religion. I’m giving Will community already without having the 10am Sunday morning commitment or feeling hypocritical for taking him to church when I’m fairly sure I don’t believe in God.
I think after four years of wondering if I should take him to church or not, my decision is made. (sorry moo moo) But, I will spend a bit less time with iCarly and a bit more time with our community.
*like with Steve, our favourite coffee guy!!
What about you guys? Do you church it or not?
thanks for commenting Jennifer. It’s great to get feedback from others. I agree with you totally on church being a place of peace. We aren’t a religious family but when my mom was dying she took an incredible amount of peace and comfort from praying – it was actually quite amazing to watch. I had to smile at the 6-7 Disney miss…that would have been hard!!!
Thank you for this discussion. I really appreciate that this is on the blog as church is a very important part of life for myself and my children.
I grew up going to church, not kicking and screaming (although church on a Sunday night during the Disney evening from 6-7 pm was painful to miss). I really enjoyed church and felt the community of those who also believed as we did.
In my mid-thirties, I truly relied on my church as life became surreal. I lost my Mom to a massive heart attack, but never did I blame God. I understood that life comes to an end and it was my Dear Mom’s time to leave this earth. My church community was amazing and still is, even though I am no longer part of that community in physicality, but on facebook, e-mail, etc. as I moved further into Toronto.
Now church to me is extremely important. It is a basis for my children growing up, the foundation that they can build on, knowing God and all that we believe in. It isn’t perfect, nor is it everything that I need at every given moment. It is filled with other human beings, going through life and its difficulties, just as I am. We all need to be patient with each other, just as we need the patience from others.
But what church gives to me is a place to come home to, even when I feel there is no home or feeling of home. There is a security, a belonging that you don’t always feel. Even if its one or two people reaching out…they are there…reaching out…and I am grateful.
I know that’s not always the experience and there can be loneliness and difficulties with church, but don’t forget…you also have to do the reaching out too.
Would love further comments.
I was brought up going to church & have fond memories as well, the reason I don’t take my kids is pure laziness. I keep saying I’m going to start but after working full time & taking them to various other classes/sports during the week & on Saturdays I just want to relax & do nothing on Sunday mornings. I miss going though…hopefully my faith is enough.
not at all a believer and yet, we’re going to my f.i.l.’s ordination at the end of the month. oh yah, full on RC priest. i’m happy for him but if i have to hear about he’s worried about the girls b/c they aren’t christened one more time i’m gonna lose it….but in a polite way. it is a great sense of community, though. in many rural areas (especially the east) it’s part of the social structure and not necessarily part of the religious structure. it has its place, just not in my life.
The church I attend is way more laid back than the one I went to as a kid. No dress code, everyone welcome and people attend who are spiritually seeking or devout followers. It is a fantastic community. My kids are older now and active in the Youth Group. Kids are encouraged to be themselves and real world issues such as bullying are also addressed.
I think about it a lot as well – for all the same reasons. I was brought up being dragged to church (until my Sunday morning hangovers started to embarrass my mother) and also have good memories of nerdy choir rehearsals and tormenting the creche kids with the minister’s daughter (actually, she did that; not me. She was very odd but I knew I could get away with anything because if SHE was with me, we couldn’t possibly get in trouble). Anyway, I got both my kids Christened while telling the minister straight out that my motivation was mostly that idea of community and re-enforcing a strong moral code (e.g. not so much the God & Jesus bit). There’s also a part of me that thinks kids don’t get asked to be good and quiet and not fidget enough anymore (without the aid of TV/iPads). When are they going to learn how to manage extreme, ultra boredom? They’re definitely going to have to endure it in meeting rooms so better to start early, right? Anyway, the long and the short of it is – my husband never went and has no interest in going now so I have an even harder time taking myself and my kids out of that comfy Sunday morning laziness. But I still wish I did it a little more. Come to think of it, I might try to haul us out this Sunday! I’ll let you know. Billi.
I grew up going to Sunday school with my sister, but I think our parents sent us a) to get a bit of basic religious information, and b) to have Sunday mornings to themselves. Neither of these are bad things.
We don’t chose church now because we’re just not religious at all (and I’m not a believer) so I’d feel like a hypocrite to do otherwise. But, I love the idea of community… that’s really what it comes down to for me. Being together and doing things as a collective is such a wonderful idea… knowing my kids have good, smart, like-minded others (besides their immediate family) to turn to, and to ask questions of – that’s what I want for them.
Sounds like you’ve got things lined up… that rocks, Sara!!