Last year, Huffington Post blogger/TV writer, Tracy McMillan wrote a fairly controversial article, ‘Why You’re Not Married’. I loved it. I wrote about it and how it applied to me….except, I liked to think of it as ‘Why I’m Single’, since getting married is really not on my priority list but I’d love to have a solid relationship.
The gist?
1. You’re a bitch
2. You’re shallow
3. You’re a slut
4. You’re a liar
5. You’re selfish
6. You’re not good enough
I know. Your jaw is on the floor. But read my original article to understand why I think she’s right on the money.
Now, she’s expanded her list. So I figured, a year later, and I’m still single, so why not see if I’m still jiving with her additions.
7. You’re a mess – Essentially she’s saying you don’t have your crap together. You eat too much; you spend too much; and you under-earn. She goes on to say that there is ONE thing you that you won’t give up but that you HAVE to in order to move forward. Yup. I’m totally agreeing with her here. Even though I am someone’s mother, I don’t feel like I got my crap totally together until this Spring when I visited the naturopath and realized that I needed to get my health in order and give up my university diet. Oh and that thing I need to give up – I have that figured out. But I can’t tell you…..which is what Tracy says as well.
8. You’re crazy – She’s defines this as loving intensity. Always wanting to have the best stories. Having hot sex, fights and breakups all over text message (HILARIOUS). Now, I don’t think I’ve been cray cray for a few years but holy crap was I ever before. I remember one ex/friend saying ‘Lanthier, you looooove the drama.’ And he was so right. But I’ve moved on from that. As Will would say ‘check’.
9. You’re a Dude – She’s not talking about your looks. She’s talking about the way you persue a ‘relationship’. I love her line of –
“You have sex like it’s a temp job,
hoping that if you rock a guy’s world, you’ll get hired full-time.”
hoping that if you rock a guy’s world, you’ll get hired full-time.”
She’s suggesting that you let a guy come to you….because one thing a guy needs to have to be in a relationship with you is to WANT to be in a relationship with you. Guilty as charged. Buy me another copy of ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ please.
10. You’re Godless – She’s not going all Je-sus on our asses – she actually means this…
“I mean I want you to cultivate a sense of SPIRIT in your life,
a relationship with the intangible, the unseen —
the power behind the oceans, gravity, chocolate and the Beatles.
You know, the thing you experience in life where
the hair stands up on your arms?
The Big Something.
You could just call it Love.
Whatever you name it — it’s the game changer. “
a relationship with the intangible, the unseen —
the power behind the oceans, gravity, chocolate and the Beatles.
You know, the thing you experience in life where
the hair stands up on your arms?
The Big Something.
You could just call it Love.
Whatever you name it — it’s the game changer. “
I’ve reread her entire point on this over and over again. I think what she’s trying to get at is the point where I find myself now. Essentially, you’re just at peace with your life and you’re open to what is coming to you.
So Tracy McMillan. I want to thank you. Your entire list makes me reflect on my lack of love life and why I’m still single. I feel like I’m knocking these freaking points off one at a time. Maybe next year when she adds to her list, I’ll be emailing the list to my single friends while my man is massaging my feet and feeding me grapes…naked.
Thanks friends – I like to think I’m getting my act together…but who knows…:).
Tracey – we so need to Skype it out!!!
Sara- this is amazing and I love her points too. YOU are just an incredible girl with the way you are so honest and so able to self reflect and work on stuff. This is part of why we are here. I am so impressed with you. xxx
This sounds like really good stuff, lady… I’m glad you’re getting it all worked out!! We should still try to Skype out all our issues, you know. 😉
I’m dying to know what you can’t tell us. No fair dude!