Will and I are heading out on vacation on Saturday. We’re going to Florida to make sandcastles, eat ice cream and search for manatees (his plans) – lie in the sun and drink watery beer (my plans).
I went to Chapters last night to pick up a couple of surprises for Will to keep him busy in the customs line up. Immediately I picked up a Princess storybook. Then I stopped. And I put it back and got a Winnie the Pooh one instead. (I headed to the teen section to get The Hunger Games for me…I’m intrigued).
After that I headed to my friends place for dinner with my girls. And I told them what I did and then said how horrible I felt. I knew that he would prefer the Princess book but, I’m ashamed to admit, I didn’t want people around us wondering why he was a little boy reading a Princess book. How lame! I was getting upset at myself because it’s so not like me. I’m totally liberal, completely open minded and I don’t give a s*&t that he is totally into princesses. So what was my problem??
My wise friend Tanya said it was more our natural inclination to protect our kids. We don’t want people to make fun of them. I immediately agreed. Before I went to the store, I had been filling out his kindergarten forms and they said ‘is there anything else we should know about your child.’? I said ‘Yes. You should know that his ‘father’ is a sperm donor so when he says he doesn’t have a dad, and the other kids question it, please back him up and explain about different kinds of families.’ I know kids aren’t at all trying to be mean to him when they say ‘everyone has a father’, but I want to protect him, and make sure he feels confident in his answer in ‘no. I don’t have one’.
So I guess it is innate in us to want to protect our kids. Have you ever done something out of character to protect yours?
I’m going to give myself a break on the Princess vs Pooh choice. Truth be told..I went back before I paid and got him a Princess colouring book….
Always a challenge… My oldest son was always a manly little guy. A sporty truck bashing kind of boy. My second son is the complete opposite. He was a Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty obsessed child. When I weaned him at age 2, he would ask for “mommy milkie”. I said no. So he asked for “Sleeping Beauty” and I always said yes. So Princess Aurora replaced my boobies I guess.
Anyway, it was years and years of wearing pink, looking longingly at the “girl” toys and wanting to keep the snaps open on his little onesie pajamas so they could more closely resemble a princess dress. My husband didn’t care either way although many friends wondered and my own siblings often questioned us. Now he is 10. Pink still rules for him. He is the most creative child I have ever met and builds Lego structures all day if I let him. He is very confident and so so loving. I believe that all happened because he was supported for his choices in life. And that is what we are supposed to do as parents. Support our kids and their choices. My oldest likes music I really hate, but I support his choices. We just have to be there, and sometimes it means buying a colouring book that society says we shouldn’t, but we really just need to be there to pass the crayons. Who cares what the pictures are!!
So true snikks! Man the double standards start early!
Ugh…I don’t go for My Little Pony only because it just seems WHACK….same goes wiht the Bubble Guppies…but I’ve caved on that one a bit…:)
Good to see other moms commenting on this. My boy has always liked “girl” things – pretends to be a girl during imaginary games, favourite Harry Potter character is Hermione, likes to make up dance routines… I try to protect him from ridicule outside the home too, though I noticed at a play date with a boy friend the friend played Harry and my son played Hermione, no questions asked. That made me happy.
totally get it. Both my boys spend all day with me, a girl, so it’s inevitable that they’ll be interested in some “girl” stuff (my makeup and *unplugged* curing iron are hot commodities) HOWEVER, when Z wanted to watch My Little Pony…I said no. I don’t even know why. Weird.
I totally get it – I caught Oliver stroking his sister’s fur purse the other day, saying how nice it was, and soft, could he try it on… I think I offered him a piece of candy as distraction.
And The Hunger Games has been sitting on my bookshelf for a few weeks… it’s my next read!!
Sara,
SO TRUE! How come it’s ok for girls (like mine) to watch Handy Manny & want “boy toys” but it’s not ok for the opposite. I KNOW my hubby would NEVER have been ok with it if we had a boy….I would have been, but like you say would have tried to protect him from the rest of the world.
My Missy is pretty rough & tumble sometimes (to the point I have to tell her ALOT to be more gentle) but it is looked at differently if a boy is interested in what society deems “girly things”.
Unfortunately, I don’t think those stereotypes will ever totally change.
GOOD for you though!!
I have to laugh, Sara, because no parent who is honest with themselves would say they have never done something out of character to protect their child. We all do it. Often. It is finding that right balance where you let them be themselves and face disappointment or embarrassment while protecting them when you can and should. My kids are 9 & 12 and although I am better at it sometimes Mama Bear gets the better of me!
You will LOVE The Hunger Games! I read it in less than 2 days.
Thanks so much for commenting in! And I want to say ‘wahoo’ about your hubby! That’s awesome that he was onboard for it because a ton of dads wouldn’t be. I know when I dressed Will all in pink for pink day at his school years ago, some of the mom’s were like ‘my husband would NEVER let me do that’.
I have so been there. My son loved all things princess for about 4 years. He has so many princess dolls, books, movies, and clothes. But he also has a little sister so we could kinda use that as an excuse. He is 10 now and has been over the princess stuff for a couple of years now. It was hard to say to people who would always give him “boy” stuff that he would really rather have the princess loot bag please. My husband and I are really ok with it in our home but out in public it is hard. When he was 5 he wanted to dress up like a princess in Disney just like all the little girls. My husband said let him, but I could not bear the thought of people making fun of him and laughing at him. Luckily we did not go that year and the next year it was not brought up. It is hard going against the “norm” but who is it hurting and it made him so happy. Good luck.