One of the people I follow on Twitter brought this blog from the NY Times to my attention. The author is asking where the line is between bragging about our kids and just being ‘amazed’ by them. I’ve reread it a few times trying to figure out where I see it from.
Before I had Will, I’ll admit, at times I avoided places where it was going to be all of my parental friends and their kids. Not only did I feel left behind, but I also couldn’t relate to all the discussion about who slept through the night when, who was no longer crapping in their pants and whose kid could play Beethoven on the electric harmonica. I’ll admit it – sometimes I was bored. (NEVER by the kids…just by the chatter).
When I got pregnant, I vowed to not talk about my kid all the time – especially around people who don’t have kids. I’m failing miserably at it. I think I’m a bragger too. I can’t help it. But I now understand why kids were always the topic around friends with kids. They fill your life up. They are the focal point of it. That’s not to say that I don’t have a life outside of Will – but it just, at this point, doesn’t seem as interesting to me.
Would you rather hear about the last book that I read OR about how Will asked my lovely, and bald, friend Daren what happened to his hair? (don’t answer that…you’ll ruin me).
In my defense on the bragging – I don’t take credit for his successes. On the contrary, I sort of feel like I was handed this amazing kid with a ‘he’s awesome so don’t eff it up’ badge attached to him. He doesn’t look like me AND He’s WAY smarter than me. He does share my need to check out every public washroom known to man…so maybe he does have some of me in there.
Are you a bragger? Do you think it’s natural or just totally annoying?
Holy CRAP my kid is adorable! (Example of bragging…okay but still…)
It’s true, Sara. They fill your life up. That’s why we talk about them so much. And the way you talk about Will? You’ve got nothing to worry about…you’re doing just great. Certainly not effing him up, LOL 😉
My friends and I sometimes end up competing in a totally different way: i.e. “My kid just asked the rotund woman if she was pregnant!” “That’s nothing! My kid asked the cashier if he was her daddy!” 😀
i think we as moms perhaps say it in amazement…i mean, who woulda thunk a kid who sprung from my loins would do something like XYZ? it’s a miracle!
TOTALLY agree with you, Desi. There IS a big difference between “my kid is awesome” and “my kid is better than yours” and you can tell immediately in the way it makes you feel. I think my kids are two of the most amazing and interesting people on earth and I expect other parents to feel that way about their children too.
Plus, I think if we focus on who they are instead of what they can do we are OK. And pay attention to why you are saying it. Usually motive is key.
I don’t think I’ve met many people who brag “my kid is better than yours” thank goodness… I mean, really. Who does that?
I get it when people talk proudly about their kids – lord knows I’m proud of mine, as everyone is – I only resent it when it’s the ONLY discussions we ever have… but that’s just me. I find I just spend less and less time with those types of people.
I think you’ve got it ALL right, lady. And you SHOULD be proud as hell about that smart and ridiculously handsome little dude. He rocks. And so do you, friend. xox
thanks!! and you SO hit the nail on the head with the ‘you won’t like yourself inside’. I have completely been like that before after I’ve said something….(It generally has to do with what a good eater he is…I think I brag about that because I”m making up for all the he’s such a crappy sleeper convos of his infancy).
If you’re talking to a competitive person, they’ll think you’re trying to compete and try to one up you every time.
If you’re truly bragging, you’ll know because you won’t like yourself inside!
If you’re talking to a mature individual with self awareness, and you are truly excited for your child, they’ll understand you’re just in love with your child and they’ll listen, and be positive!!
For you Sara, it’s the third one, and Will is amazing and cute and we love him!!
I think there’s a big difference between “my kid is awesome” and “my kid is better than yours”. I love telling most of my friends about what hilarious thing my kids just did, or what surprising, amazing, wonderful thing they just figured out how to to on their own. I love hearing about all of their kids’ awesomeness, too! But some of my friends are uncomfortable with it, or get competitive about it, so we have better conversations about books and politics, or whatever. Like most things, whether or not it’s okay to gush or brag depends on the circumstances.
Sara,
I usually respond with where my boys fit into someone else’s brag. If they tell me how great their child is swimming, drawing, playing the oboe.. I respond to where my child is at similarly, whether behind or ahead.
I am in awe of my nine and five year old boys everyday and almost burst with pride for their accomplishments. Almost burst. Mostly I keep it internal, or Steph and I high five each other and feel so grateful they are not robbing liquor stores or scoring meth.
I don’t judge the gushers, just choose not to be one.
J.