So they brought E! back to Canada. I’m now Keeping Up With the Kardashians (because my brain cells weren’t dwindling enough already) and I checked out the Hank and Kendra show. Know them?? She used to be one of Hef’s girls and Hank Bassett is a sports celeb in the states. They have a kid so the show is focussed on that. I really knew nothing about her except in the last month or so she’s been all over the tabloids talking about her life as a single mom now that she and Hank live in different states. And many single mom bloggers have been freaking out about the whole thing.
I’ve spent some time thinking about it this weekend. My conclusion – I just don’t share the outrage. Maybe because I chose to be a single mom I’m a little more relaxed about the whole thing. When people I know say ‘I’m a single mom this weekend’, I just smile knowingly.
Are there aspects of being a single parent that are really difficult? Absolutely! I could use the second income, the extra pair of hands and an understanding hug after a long day….and lets be honest, I’d like to have some action to make me feel like I’m more than just a mom.
But there are women out there who are ABSOLUTELY parenting alone sometimes – either physically or emotionally…and they’re married. I think of military wives and I bow to them. They do it all alone and when they put the kids to bed, they have to worry about their spouses not coming home. Sorry but the second income doesn’t offset that agony. My good friend Beth has a husband who is a firefighter. There are nights when she is totally single parenting (and days when he is) and I bow to them too.
I think it’s another label. I’m sorry but I do. I think of the single mom, struggling with four kids, who works at a Tim Hortons…and yes, we’re both single moms but do we share the same issues and concerns? Not really. I know of a choice mom who is a successful lawyer and has a nanny. Do we have the same issues? Nadda. (Well okay maybe all of us need some action).
At the core of all of this? We’re all MOTHERS. We all want the best for our children. We want them to be healthy, succeed in whatever they choose to do and be happy! So if Kendra Wilkinson wants to call herself a single mother because she chose to go live in a city where her husband doesn’t live…let her. Don’t judge her.
Me? I’m a choice mom. I’m a single mom. Big deal. When I introduce myself, I’m a mother. Will’s mom. End of story.
**oh and if anyone can tell me how the EFF to get temporary tattoos off….I’d love to know…the kid still has remnants of Ramone..two weeks later**
Thanks SO much for this – I appreciate it!
I’m not a follower, but I will be now. I totally subscribe to the sentiment…great to see it articulated so precisely…thx for that!
Great post Sara! Yes, we’re all mothers – that’s all, really. 🙂
Love this Sara
I really think that the world is divided into whiners and shiners. We all have issues and difficulties- because the whiners whine about theirs does not mean their issues are more important or difficult, don’t you agree?
I often think of myself doing everything as empowering but sometimes I am scary overwhelmed. I also think of the single mom at Tim’s who also is finishing a high school degree at night and maybe her kids are in trouble. there are a million of those stories.
I have it ridiculously good. I am glad you see your good life too!
xxoo n
Oh and I found out by accident that sunscreen also takes temporary tattoos off.
This is such a familiar topic to me in the special needs world. There’s rarely if ever any judgement passed or placed on fellow moms/parents of special needs kids. It’s never “my kids issues are worse than yours…” We’re all walking a path we never thought we’d be in. All on a journey we may not have wanted to take.
We’re all moms. We all worry. We all love with a primal force. We all fight for the very best for our kids. Just any other mom – special needs or not. Single or not.
LOVE this post.
My daughter and I watched Horton Hears a Who this weekend and the commenter above’s line about “a mom is a mom is a mom is a mom” made me think of the great lessons in that Dr.Seuss video/book.
This is a great reality check, Sara. We are all moms and could all do with a lot less judging!
A mom is a mom is a mom is a mom…They worry about the same things married
or single…A dad never worries about whether the kid has winter boots, or mitts etc…
Men are the technicians in the whole thing, but they seldom have the worries
in their heads like moms do…so I think in many ways, married moms and single
moms have more in common…in the end, the worry of the care is up to them…
I’ve often wondered if it would have been better had my husband not been
working in another city when my son was a teen…I guess technically I was
a single parent…in the end, the stuff I went
through I probably would have gone through anyway given the flexibility of
my life versus his…when I called him in crises in the other city he was often at
work, and would have been at work if he were at home in our city too…so,
I’m not sure it would have made that much difference…I just think moms bear
the mental load, single or married for the most part…
I love this post, Sara. Strip all the judgment away and, frankly, who really cares?! I have issues with labels and defining people based on some criteria someone else decided fit. This leaves no room for shades of grey and causes too many problems.
We’re moms. Let’s celebrate our similarities and differences!
apparently I need to try olive oil…thanks dudes. And Erin thank you SO much – not sure you know how much that means to me…but it really does!
I think a little oil of some sort works for temp tats doesn’t it?
Try some olive oil and wipe with a face cloth!! But if they are real “cheapies” than they may stay on forever!!
Sara, I have been reading your blog for a few years now since back in the WTF days… always just lurking around, and just wanted to say that I love your blog. A little baby oil will take the Tattoo off in 2 seconds. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Brandi!
I love this post! I guess you could call me a choice mom, also, because I chose to have my little girl knowing that her father wouldn’t be participating in her life. There are definite challenges to parenting by myself, but at the same time, I am fortunate to have a host of family and friends who support and love my little one as if they are her own!