Did you ever use to watch the Brady Bunch and think it was awesome? Or did the idea of having five other siblings scare the crap out of you? I have three siblings (and two step-brothers)…wow so I guess I am living the Brady life, without Alice and Tiger.
Step-bros aside for now (although I do actually call them my brothers…they’re awesome), I am the youngest of four. I have two sisters and a brother. I always liked coming from a big family even though as the youngest (the best mistake my parents ever had) – I will say that I was picked on.
I had a speech impediment where I said my ‘r’ as a ‘w’. Night after night, there was a contest among my siblings to see who could get me to cry first…
‘Sawa, can you pass the hambuwgew? Don’t cwy Sawa. Why awe you cwying??’ You get the picture. It would enivatably end with me on the stairs in tears as my dad would yell, “Jesus Ch-rist, can’t we have one dinner without the tears.’ Ah memories…
As adults, we’ve all had our ups and downs. We aren’t all tight – like, let’s say the Gyllenhals or Shiloh and Zahara – but if push came to shove, and one of us was in trouble, the others would rally. And THAT, in my mind, is what matters.
I think about Will being an only child a lot. And while I joke about having the itch to have another a baby. It is just that…a joke. When it happens, I pour myself a drink and reread my posts on postpartum and realize that even if I won a kabillion dollars, my age and anxiety level will stop me from reproducing again.
But I often wonder if I’m ripping him off. This weekend he spent Saturday with Christine‘s kids. And he had a BALL being the youngest. On Sunday, he played with his friend Cole. Will is only 6 months older but you could see him relish the ‘older’ buddy role.
On the flipside, with it just being Will and me, we can take off a moments notice. We answer to no one but ourselves and our one-to-one ratio makes it pretty manageable.
I was playing platform tennis with my sister yesterday. We’ve decided to try and be partners again – I’ll let you know in a month or so if this was wise or not… Regardless, last night I was thinking about how we are with each other. There are times when we could murder each other but for the most part we’re thick as thieves. We can communicate in partial sentences and could really, if need be, tell each other all we needed to with a look. Will won’t have that – and that is a choice I’m making for him, much like the one I made for him that he wouldn’t have a father.
And it’s one that I’m going to have to come to terms with because something tells me this kid will be asking about it in a few years.
What do you think? Siblings or only child. Is one better??
**I’m using this picture because it makes me laugh AND because in the 94 albums I currently have on Facebook…I don’t have ONE picture with any of my siblings…(well one with my step-bro but we both look like ass and he’d kick mine if I used it!!!)
Nothing beats having closeness. If you have siblings, there is a bond that can’t be broken (except in the extremest situations). I have 2 sisters, and always wanted a bigger family when I was growing up.
So when I started my own, we were looking at four kids. After 2 tho, life starts banging away. We finally decided on another. I wish I could have 6 kids, to reap so many of the benefits later in life. But having gone thru 2, and then a third, there is no way, for me, the benefits later outweigh the load (overload?) now
So I see why people choose to have fewer and fewer kids. I can’t imagine having only 1, but I’m sure those with 1 can’t imagine 3!! Be happy with what you have, or make the best of it. Or change it. Life is too short to worry too much about regret.
This is SO well said Angele. Thanks for commenting….and good luck with your own decision. You’re right, I do love that people are actually considering all of their options now and not just following the masses…
It’s the job of every parent to do what is right for the people already living and part of the family. If you can only handle “1” and you know it… then your child will be happier as an only then with a sibling and a half dead, overtired, at the end of the rope parent. You have to do what is best for you and the family that already exists. In the end… a parent that is present and healthy is worth more than anything else. I think it’s great that today, more people are really looking into themselves to decide whether to have children at all, have one or more. Not having children for the sake of having them because it’s what you do. I’m struggling on whether to have a second child… I’m really looking closely at my motives for having a second and what impact it will have on my happiness, my marriage, my son’s happiness and my husband’s happiness. I really want a second… but I’m not sure if that’s the best choice for my family. Other considerations are my career… another maternity leave and I could be out of work for a long time in this job climate. I don’t want to jeopadize our future for a child that does not exist yet. So… for me the question is not about the importance of siblings to a child, but importance of happiness of all those in the family unit.
I think you and I both know that a family has many connotations and it sounds like he has a huge and loving one. The point is the connection not the collection and you have it.
You know very well that life isn’t full of guarantees. I am the youngest of three sisters and I am pretty close with my older sisters (although there are definitely times I also don’t want to talk to them either).
On the other hand, my husband has a brother that he just doesn’t connect with at all. They live in different provinces and I think are quite happy with that distance.
So, even if you gave Will a sibling, there are no guarantees they would be tight anyway. Your family unit is great as it is. Will is turning out to be a well adjusted, happy kid. That’s all that matters!
Laura – get married? and leave me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..ugh – the next 25 years just passed in front of my face…
(but you’re right….:))
sniffff…..thanks dude…
Sara, thing is: there IS no right or wrong answer. My sisters and I are closer than pretty much ANY family I know, and I’m also closer with many of my cousins than most people are with their own siblings. But then again, I’m lucky I was born into a family of such super-incredible people ;P
But with families, you just never know. Some people come from large families and barely ever talk to their siblings, and some people have an aunt/uncle/cousin who is their best-best friend.
I am the oldest of 3 girls, and I have 2 daughters myself. I don’t wish for another child, but having a whopping 24 cousins (both my parents come from large-ish families), I sorta wish my kids had dozens of cousins, too. But…that’s not to be, and there again, the quality of their cousins is so amazing that it makes up for the quantity.
You give Will so much…I wouldn’t burden yourself with the sibling question, too! He is absolutely surrounded by people who love and adore him and will support him throughout all of life’s challenges. That’s the best of what siblings give us.
I agree with everyone who has already commented – it’s all about what works for you. I’m a married mother of two, and that’s enough for us. My husband and I had planned to have four, maybe five, kids, but after two difficult pregnancies, and 9 months of colic, we’re done. My kids have a good group of friends that have been with them since birth, so as far as they’re concerned they have eight brothers and sisters and a few extra aunties and uncles. Your kids friends really do become family, in time.
As you well know I am one of 7 kids and we all get on exceptionally well as adults. But I can tell you there were many, many times as a child that I wished I was the only one. I had a chance to briefly experience what it would be like to be an only child when my parents went on a trip together, their one and only sans children when we were growing up. Us kids were farmed out to various Aunts and Uncles. My Mum’s much younger brother and gorgeous wife took me in for the weekend. I had hit the jackpot! They were newly weds who didn’t yet have children of their own so for them it was a novelty having a child in the house (I was about 8 or 9 at the time). For me it was simply HEAVEN! I had my own room for the first time, I had my choice of name brand cereal for breakfast and I didn’t have to wrestle anyone to the floor for seconds of anything. I got to choose what I wanted to watch on TV and didn’t have to yell at someone to shut up because I couldn’t hear. I was taken to see a moive followed by lunch and I got to pick the movie and where we ate! I felt like a princess. Now of course they spoiled me because I was only visiting for the weekend, it was a novelty for them and they got to give me back after two days. But I lapped up every last drop of all that attention. I guess my point is that the grass is always greener on the other side and no one situation is ever ideal or perfect. I have no doubt in my mind that Will be the type of kid that makes many friends and will have meaningful, loyal relationships with them. THEY will be his brothers (think Phil and the HPs or the Watsons). It will only be natural for him to long for what he doesn’t have – as I said, the grass is always greener.
It’s so tough…because each family is so different. I feel like I always wanted a big family…at least 4 or 5 kids…because I have very few cousins and my siblings aren’t close in age to me AT ALL. but then we had three, relatively close together. and because of money and other factors…we have chosen to only have three. which, honestly, makes me feel like it’s SMALL…even though to some people they are always all “HOLY COW! THREE KIDS ZOMG HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?!?”
I think, again, there’s never a RIGHT answer for everyone…there’s just a right answer for you…and even if Will is an only child, he seems like he is just loved by so many…and then your friends’ kids become family etc.
Generally I am anti-only child, because it can be lonely when they are older. Ask my friend who is an only how terrible it was to clean out the house after her mother passed – no one to help or share memories with.
In your case, I understand why it will just be Will. So you have to make up for the lack of siblings by ensuring he’s really close to his cousins and to your brothers and sisters.
You could always encourage him to marry a girl from a big family…that will work too.
I think it’s all relative.
I’m the youngest of 3 girls. I always wished for baby sister and had always wanted a big brother.
My sister was/is in a similar dilemma to yours. She has an only and several factors played into their decision to have my niece stay an only.
My sister said she’ll always have a part of her wishes that Marley had siblings but when she looks at the big picture – they have a great life. It’s easy.
Like I said to you on the weekend “You do one way better than I do 3”
I say it to my sister. I feel like I’m stretched pretty thin most days.
I gotta say – there are days where I envy her ability to just get up and go with just 1. I feel like EVERYTHING in my life has to be planned around my kids and their schedules…
But then there are days where I find my kids all on the couch together laughing at a silly youtube video or I see Eva and Cuyler reading together or I see Cam trying to teach Cuyler a new game…then I just feel blessed that I have these 3 great kids. And that they have each other.
I look at you and Will and I just see this amazing team of two. And it seems really really “right”!
I grew up with 4 siblings and we are all pretty close but my first cousin and I are two years apart and were looked after together by my grandmother – he’s like my little brother. We have close friends that we see more than our family at times and our kids hang out and play. Either way a brother or sister doesn’t really have to be “related” I have three kids and only hope they grow up to be close to eachother BUT you never know what can happen… I think who you surround your kids with is what counts…they don’t to have siblings to be happy!! A couple of my close friends are “only children” but they had us group of friends and we were all like sisters…
Nathan introduced Andrew to people when he was born as “This is Andrew OUR LAST BABY!” – LOL
THAT is hilarious….
We actually got bonus points if we could make you cry before dinner ever started!!!!