I think I’ve told you before how I refused to read any baby books or parenting books when I was pregnant. I told my doctor that I wasn’t and he said if I refused to listen to my friends as well that I’d be his favorite patient of all time. I really think a better strategy is going on your gut….people have been having babies for years without books. Do you think my grandmother lay in bed at night reading What To Expect….as if?!
I think a better strategy is gut – followed closely by asking friends of yours whose parenting you admire.
Or hey how about soliciting advice from the peeps who read your blog? So I have a couple here for you – please help.
FAQ #1 – The TV Debate
Desperate mother asks…
“I always vowed my kid wouldn’t be a tv watcher. Until recently, he had not interest and now that he has discovered a delightful quartet from down under, the Wiggles, it’s something he begs for every night. Is it so bad for him to watch a 40 minute video to wind down after daycare before dinner?’
Sara asks…(and yes, they could very well be the same person..)
“I’m addicted to tv and now my kid is addicted to that freaking crack – the Wiggles. Aside from it cutting into my Y&R schedule, Is it so bad to put the godforsaken dvd on while I try and cook dinner without him bugging the crap out of me or enjoy a glass of wine without having to wrestle for 20 minutes when we get home??”
FAQ #2 – The Tantrum Debate
Desperate Mother asks…
“Recently, my son turned two and has started tantruming. While I’m learning some coping skills, I’m wondering if it’s ineffective to not be very sympathetic.”
Sara asks…
“My kid is tantruming a lot these days – over everything. Last night, he swatted at my face and yelled ‘NO’ when I asked him to do something, so I marched him inside where he proceeded to lose his s&^t for 10 minutes. I kept walking around the kitchen, dodging him, and admittedly I was laughing my head off because it was SO ridiculous. Was this a bad move?”
Before you judge…..lets look at the young Jeckyll and Hyde here in action….(I may have shared these before..)
Well good morning sweet thing
Away with you evil toddler!
I am serious though – what about the TV watching? And the tantrums? What are your go-to’s for not losing it because I swear, at the beginning of one I say, just breathe and he’ll get out of it but inevitably I get angry…and it’s so not effective.
My kids are 6.5 and 2.5. Though I should insert here that I’m probably “misremembering” things accurately, my son was much more and easy-going and dare I say “obedient” than my daughter is at the same stages. There are lots of reasons for that, but let’s just say I’m convinced that the smaller one is trying to kill me.
On TV – I was practically weaned on television, so it’s on most of the time… but they’re not zombies, they come when I call them, I can get their attention easily… so whatev. I let it ride. So far it’s mostly “wholesome” stuff on the Treehouse channel, so I’m not overly concerned. I love it when they walk in speaking Japanese. So, yeah.
On tantrums – I admit they drive me bonkers. Really. I sometimes do my share of yelling… but when there’s just no reasoning with them, I just send the terrorist into another room and ask him/her to come and see me afterward. Like I said – the daughter is 2.5 and she screams. A lot. But I’m not giving her chocolate cookies at 8:30 AM, and no she can’t wear her bathing suit to school. The “no” is firm. This too shall pass – it’s AGE TWO. Eventually they fall into line, I suppose… of course, she might kill me first. But I’m not dead yet. (Not quite.)
We have a couple of Wiggles plush toys – my daughter especially likes Jeff. Whenever she seems to start up with a tantrum or pouting, I just grab Jeff and have him talk some sense into her. For some reason, she won’t listen to my voice, but when it is my voice coming out of Jeff she has no trouble doing what I ask of her.
One more reason to hate the Wiggles.
I say let them watch TV. Just try to keep the porn and violence to a minimum! 😉
In all seriousness, I have a 6 year old and a three year old. With my six year old I tried to be the “perfect mommy” (insert roaring laughter here). With my second child, I became the realistic mommy. The shows my kids watch and thankfully like are educational (like Super Readers and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).
My son now likes Spiderman, so for the first several episodes, I sat with him and talked about bad guys, fighting, etc. He is seeing Spiderman shirts, lunchboxes etc at school, so I would rather be the one that helps him decipher it. Now, that he has been initiated and I have done the good mommy part, I can use it as a babysitter while I blog. 😉
My kids don’t watch much tv – which makes the Wiggles, Backyardigans, Curious George or whatever so much more effective when I need 30 minutes or so to have a shower or find some sanity. I’m grateful that they’re finally getting old enough to watch Mythbusters with me sometimes (we’re all big nerds).
Regarding tantrums, I ignore them as long as they are safe. If they’re freaking out on the stairs, I move them to a safer spot, and let them do their yelling without me – which means refusing comment, eye contact, and even presenting my back to them whenever possible. It works for us.
We are big tv watchers in our house (Sean and I for sure!).
Like Jen, my older guy is hardly ever inside to watch tv.
Cuyler is more of a computer guy. And Eva….well she’s my tv girl.
Playhouse Disney on demand (remember my contest?). Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears.
She watches more tv than the boys and I’m ok with it. She plays outside, likes to colour, loves books and can play with her little figures for hours. So whenever she wants to – I let her.
Tantrums. Our most difficult tantrums are coming from the almost-8-year-old. So those don’t count for this question. Profoundly different situations.
As far as Eva losing her s^^t.
She goes into her room til she calms down. For some reason sitting her on the stairs pisses her off even more than sending her to bedroom so when she’s in real big trouble – she goes on the stairs.
In my opinion as the wise(ass) mom of 2 older kids, don’t sweat the TV. My son had a lot of trouble relaxing and, at 11, he still does. He is incredibly active, playing tons of sports with an ever increasing social life, so he doesn’t have a ton of time for TV anyway. Give yourself and your kid a break. Plus, it is 2010 and TV (computers, smartphones, etc) is a reality. Don’t sweat it.
We’ve got a Queen of Tantrums reigning supreme at our house. When I am able to keep my sh*&^ together I find the best thing is either to get down on her level as soon as the tantrum starts and say calmly “Do you need a hug?” Often she will yell at me or turn her back but then I say “Well, when you are ready a hug is waiting.” She ALWAYS comes around but the deal is she has to calm down first. Then we have a long cuddle and only once she is totally over it will we chat. And sometimes I don’t even bother depending on the issue. What is amazing is that now she will often apologize to me during this time without solicitation!
Now, sometimes, more than I would like to admit, I lose it and yell. Then I end up apologizing after too. Not my proudest mom moments but real.
I try to limit the amount of t.v that my kids watch because they become “zombies” and their hearing seem to stop working after BUT I think it’s okay for him to watch a show while you’re trying to get stuff ready…
As for the Tantrums…I agree with Lori, it seems to work for me…let them have the stage and do their show and then when you see him calming down ask him if he needs a hug…it usually works in our house.
Good luck it’s a constant battle….think it’s a full moon because we had a huge episode this morning before school with our 5 year old
Ah, the great TV debate. I, too vowed I wouldn’t let Luka watch telly. But he seems to have an interest in it…or at least an interest in the remote control and buttons on the television itself. So, essentially the TV is always on now. Sometimes he watches it, sometimes he spends 20 mins turning it on and off. Either way, I think that as long as he isn’t ignoring me for whatever is on the screen, I am OK. That is my big issue with the telly – the tuning out.
And for the tantrums? I am experiencing small tantrums now with my not quite year and half old. He also swats at me and yells NO to almost everything. I just walk away. Sometimes he stops crying…walks over to me and then cries again. Too effing funny! But it sounds like what you are doing is what all my friends who have kids tell me to do…and that’s ignore it until he settles. Once the tears have stopped, you try to chat about it a little to talk about what made him so irrate.
Good luck. And I am sure the tantrums will eventually sort themself out.
First of all, every parent loses it, so don’t feel bad about that. I’ve found the best way to stop the tantrum tango is to leave the dance floor. I say (so she can hear me), “I’ll be here when you’re done” and then go to another part of the room/house until it subsides (because nothing seems to help once they reach the true ‘losing it’ point). Then when she calms down a bit, we go for a big cuddle. And we also have this saying:
me: “What does whining and crying get you?”
her: “Nothing.”
me: “Exactly. Put down the___ (toy/cookie/whatever she’s whining about)”
Good luck, toots – I think you’re doing a fantastic job!