Different But Not Less

I watched Temple Grandin last week.  If you haven’t heard of it, it’s the HBO movie that pretty much swept the Emmy’s last week.  It tells the life story of Temple Grandin, a high functioning autistic who has essentially designed a humane way for slaughterhouses to work (as humane as they can be).  It was difficult to watch since my nephew has autism.  You tend to watch it with ‘why can’t that be him’ type of attitude.  I saw it sort of like when Dr. Greene on ER got a brain tumour right after my mom had died from one.  I kept watching saying, ‘why didn’t they try that on her’ etc.  Then I stopped watching altogether.  I did watch all of Temple Grandin and one thing that stuck with me was her mother who said to one of the doctors, ‘Yes, she’s different…but not less.’.  I’ve been thinking about that line for days now.

My nephew Scotty lives with autism.  He is eleven years old.  He is the object of worship from Will.  I’d love to say they’re buddies, main pals…but like any 11 year-old, he doesn’t want to hang out with a toddler.  Will literally chases him from room to room…he has a look on his face like ‘please, PLEASE, play with me.’ and Scotty looks at us like, ‘will you get this pain in the ass kid away from me.’  I secretly think he loves it.

They may not choose to hang out all the time but from the beginning, they have had a special bond.  Scotty doesn’t particularly like babies – or rather the noise that comes with them or their mothers.  We had them meet when Will was a week or so old, on Scotty’s turf, with just the four of us around.  It was one of the most moving moments of my life.  We left Will in the car seat and Scotty checked him out for awhile and then asked for him to come out of it.  He didn’t instantly want to leave, he wanted to be with him.  He kept patting him on the head.  My sister asked him who his mom was and he instantly said, ‘yaya’.  (that was me at the time…).  We both really think he just knew that this kid was going to be different.  He named him Willski awhile after that – and he is still Willski and I think always will be.

Having Will has given me a different perspective on Scotty’s autism than I had before.  It has made me even more in awe of parents like my sister, like Christine, and all the others who have to deal with the diagonsis, wait-lists, treatments and uncertainties that come with it.  There is a different level of strength and patience that comes with parenting kids with autism.

Having Will and now understanding what it’s like to be a parent, Scotty’s autism pisses me off even more so than it did before.  Like Temple Grandin’s mom said, he IS different and he is NOT less but I just wish that he, my sister, his dad and all of us who love him could watch him experience some of the everyday things that he misses out on because of autism.  I find many of Will’s experiences to be bittersweet – I’m super excited to watch him play in the park and make buddies or to play organized soccer – but I’m pissed that Scotty doesn’t do the same…that he can’t do the same.

Honestly, I usually have a point when I blog.  I don’t have a point today – it’s more of a general ranting.  I guess a movie can be deemed successful if it makes you think – and I’ve been thinking about Temple Grandin a lot since I watched.