That Doesn’t Look Like a Stork….

I thought I’d continue with part two of Will’s journey as there appears to be some interest and curiosity out there – let’s call it ‘Where Did I Come From’….

First step – Saying out loud to my doctor that, gulp, I want to have a baby.  She was over the moon for me which was a great start and hooked me up with my fertility doctor.  I went to see him about three months later, thanks to a cancellation.  Ladies, if you’re thinking of doing this…keep in mind, you can’t just pull the trigger the second you want to start.

My step-mother and I went for my initial meeting with the doctor.  There were lots of pictures of fallopian tubes and discussions about drugs (and lots of toy dogs and Elvis statutes in his office).  We both loved his no nonsense approach to the whole thing.  He didn’t give me false hope, he was quite honest that I was getting up there age wise and my percentage chance of it working was 30% but that he was confident with time and maybe drugs, I could get knocked up.  I had already made the decision that fertility drugs were not an option for me.  I couldn’t risk having twins – I know my limitations.

Let me stop there and say how ODD it was to talk about getting pregnant when I had spent so many years trying NOT to.  I was convinced there was no way it was going to work because, percentage wise, how had I never gotten pregnant, in …oh you know, frosh week??

Second step – The Counselor!  Yup, any fifteen year old girl can have sex behind the bleachers and have a baby but this 39 year-old, home owning, quasi-stable woman had to be ‘approved’.  Actually, you have this session and it’s all confidential UNLESS your doctor has some issues and then they can check on their hunch with the counselor.  I was a bit worried – it’s sort of like getting pulled over by a cop and you know you haven’t been drinking but you STILL think you’ll blow over.  I passed with flying colours.  Whew.

Step three – Pick the Father – check done that.  I placed the call and ordered ‘him’.  They put him aside, ready to ship up by UPS when the time is right!

Step four – the cycle monitoring.  The thing about getting pregnant through IUI (intra-uterine insemination) is this – everything is brought to the ideal point to try and ensure success.  So, a few days into your cycle, you start going for daily ultrasounds and blood work.  Then you watch your follicles grow.  At the same time, you’re sticking the most revolting progesterone suppositories up your wazoo.  All of this is getting you and your womb to the optimum spot to house that sucker.  Your donor choice is being washed.  All the bent and dead swimmers are removed and you’re left with the cream of the crop.  It’s sort of like a wedding – both of you are scrubbing up and looking your best – to go through a ceremony – and hope for a sweet outcome.

Step five – the insemination.  Once the good follicles are identified, you’re told that it’s about to happen!  Your sperm gets shipped up to the clinic and you get sent up home with an injection to give yourself – or to get your stepmom to give to you because you’re a wimp.  She felt well prepared having just watched No Country For Old Men.  Her flicking the end of the needle like a heroin addict is a visual I will never forget.

The next day, I took a lunch break and got pregnant.  Well okay, I went to the clinic and you go through a whole series of checks and balances to make sure that everyone is sure you’re being inseminated with the right guy.  It’s a tiny little vial – like tiny.  I asked the nurse if that was all I got.  She said, ‘honey, you just need one.’  Good point.  (I’ve been asked…a vial of sperm goes for about $500.  My doctor chooses to do two days in a row for extra insurance.  So Will cost about $1000 to get here.  Fortunately, almost everything else was covered by OHIP or my insurance provider!)

I got up on the table and in walked my doctor who said, ‘let’s make a baby’!  Contrary to popular belief he did not pull out a turkey baster, rather something like a catheter.  Put it this way, unless your partner has a super long, skinny and bendable penis, he ain’t getting as close to those follicles as this method does!

We made small talk and after a couple minutes, he left me alone to lie there, with the knowledge that the sperm of some guy who I had never met was swimming up my fallopian tubes and hopefully connecting with an egg.  I had not felt that peaceful in the months leading up to it.  Lying there, looking at a stock picture of Venice, I talked to my future child and told him that I’d take him there someday and I smiled to myself.

Repeat scenario all over again the next day.  Then I waited.  For a week.  I had planned to meet my stepmother for lunch after the noon call to find out the result.  I said we’d either be having many beers or a soda water.  At noon I called the clinic.

At 12:30, we were drinking soda water and crying tears of joy for what was to come.  Which was this….

Who is now this!

 **Sidenote – I realize I was INCREDIBLY lucky to get pregnant on the first try.  Step four above is a very stressful aspect of the whole process.  Women and their partners who have to face that month after month should be bowed down to.  It’s so difficult.  My father didn’t think I was lucky – in his words ‘I’m not surprised, I used to call your mother from a business trip and she’d get pregnant.’