Years ago I gave up making New Year’s resolutions, but the turning of the calendar can be a good time to reflect on the past and set goals for the year to come. I haven’t always done so in a conscious way – mostly because I felt it was a bit, well…hokey. I preferred to take on my personal growth in a more organic way: when the opportunity or — indeed — necessity for introspection and change arose, I would embrace it willingly. But to specifically set aside a certain time to SET A GOAL? That wasn’t me.
Over the past few years, necessity has been the name of the game for me in terms of my own personal growth. I was forced to give a lot of deep, difficult thought to my life, my relationships, my children and the choices I’d made relating to all of them during my mom’s illness and following her death. In the end, I was faced with two choices: stay where I was and try to build up the walls of denial that had so recently crashed down around me, or face the truth and do the scariest, hardest thing I had ever done in my life. But the one thing I knew to be right.
In the end, I screwed my courage to the sticking place (to quote the Bard) and did what I knew had to be done. Nothing has ever been harder or more frightening in my life. But in the end, no course of action has ever been plainer. It had to be done. I knew it. And it may have taken longer than many of those around me would have wished, but in the end, after working through my own process, I did it. And I don’t regret it…not for a moment.
But really, what a waste of psychic energy if I didn’t take time to reflect on that time of trial and suffering and, ultimately, supreme courage. What a waste if I didn’t use that experience as a stepping-stone to personal growth. Now that I’ve recovered (and by recovered I mean come back from a place of extremes to a place of normalcy), I think I ought to try to hold on to a bit of that self-assertion and courage that came out in extremis. I think I ought to try to use it a little more in my daily life.
In that spirit, this year, I am going to really challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone: I am going to try to be courageous. I’m going to take a page from the books of some of the women I admire the most, and I’m going to ask for what I want. What do I have to lose, after all? If I never ask for what I want, I will certainly never get it. If I do ask, well…perhaps I won’t get it, but then I’m no worse off, am I? But then again, I have a suspicion that those of us who ask for things usually get them.
It’s going to be difficult and it’s going to be scary. But I owe it to myself.
What a fabulous post Kath. I’m so happy for you. You are a wonderful person and you deserve the best that life has to offer. It sounds like you’re going out to get it for yourself.
Happy New Year!
Good for you, Kath. I’m so excited for your new year… enjoy it all!! xox
I like your quotes, Julie! And I like your resolve to revisit your promise “with vigour”. Me too!
Here’s a quote about fear that I love (and yes, I am THAT kind of a geek: the kind that quotes Frank Herbert): “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration…”
Even if it’s not life-or-death, fear has the capacity to freeze or galvanize us. Too often I let it FREEZE me in my tracks. I need to let the fear flow through and past me (like a Bene Gesserit would) and then allow it to galvanize me into action!
Big words…let’s make it happen!
Thanks Jen, that really means a lot to me. And I love the quote!
i never make resolutions…but i promised myself i would “feel the fear and do it anyway” and i let that go by the wayside. i shall visit that once again with vigour!
want another quote? (i’m full of ’em)
“there’s no growth inside your comfort zone and there’s no comfort in your growth zone”
I am so proud of you! I see you becoming the person you were always destined to be. I see fear being less of a factor and courage taking over. I see a woman who loves herself and does not apologize for who she is. I see someone who loves life and is excited about what the future holds, someone who is able to laugh at her shortcomings while making an effort to work on changing the things that hold her back. I see you starting to stand tall, no excuses, and being proud of yourself. All of this in a year. Imagine what the next year could hold!
Sometimes people say to me, “you seem fearless.” which is crazy. But once you choose to be honest with yourself and be good to yourself you can’t talk yourself out of standing up and it doesn’t even seem scary anymore. It may mean standing up to someone or even ending a relationship but you have to be brave enough to stand up or you compromise your commitment to yourself (you had to do this in the biggest way this year). Things don’t always work out how you hoped but without action you will never know. Seeing this as learning and part of the journey is critical and letting go of other people’s expectations is #1.
Someone shared this quote with me years ago and I often think of it when fear is taking over:
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anais Nin
Live life large!