Three weekends from now Cuyler will turn 8 years old.
For the first time we are having a friend party. We haven’t had one before and it has never mattered to him.
Until this year. He wanted a party with “friends”.
We booked a great place in town that he loves.
He’s already made his birthday present wish list.
And today we did these together (yes – he made one for himself):
He will take them to school on Monday and distribute them to his friends.
He is incredibly excited about his party.
I am incredibly nervous.
Nervous that nobody will come.
And that he will be crushed.
It’s a very interesting life I lead with these three kids o’ mine. Especially the boys.
I have an opposing life with my boys. They are so close in age (18mos) yet complete polar opposites in every way.
Cam gets invited to birthday parties all the time. Cuy does not.
Cam had friends over all the time. Cuyler never does.
Cam has sleepovers. Cuyler never has before.
I have never once been nervous planning a party for Cam. Never. I know his friends. I like his friends. I know and like their parents.
Cuyler does not have friends. There are kids that he really likes. But to play with? nope.
A few of the parents know who Cuyler is. I know a couple are even smitten with him (how could you not be??). And I hope they know how much it would mean to him if their child comes to his party.
I hope that they come even though Cuyler is not on top of their buddy list. Or even on it at all.
That’s my birthday wish for him.
I hope they come because if they don’t he will be crushed.
And I will be heartbroken.
They will come. Enjoy it all!! (I wish I could come too…)
Happy Birthday Cuyler!!
I want to come to Cuy’s party….because I’m smitten with him.
I was hoping to see my name on one of those invites!
This is gut wrenching stuff – I think about it all the time with respect to Ryder… I can only imagine what it must be like for you guys and Cuy.
I PRAY that these parents see the light and appropriately respond (to their kids, and to Cuyler). But I know too well (from my own public school days) the nature of the beast. I understand your fears Christine, but I tottally admire your courage!
Eli, Eric, Katie, Georgia, Emma, Jamie, Madeleine and Sam – I’ve got my eye on you!!!!! BE GOOD! And Cuyler – I have absolutely no worries about you – be the star that you are on your birthday bro!
T
Happy Birthday Cuyler. I hope the party is just what he (and you) want.
I was ALWAYS nervous planning my oldest daughter’s parties. I only wanted her to be happy, show her friends a fun time. She did not have a lot of friends. While not autistic she had her own set of lagging cognitive skills that made it hard for her to fit in socially. It killed me. Some parties were a success from my POV and a failure to her. She was so insecure.
It’s so tough navigating these waters with our children. Not that my parents didn’t care…they simply didn’t know the difference. We are far more involved in our child rearing these days mostly to the benefit but a lot to the detriment of our children. Your guidance is of the beneficial kind and gives Cuyler the security and skills to navigate within a world he doesn’t quite understand and often doesn’t understand him. That part sucks but the joys of seeing him blossom and enjoy something will come. This party or the next one. 🙂
Loads of love and special birthday wishes to Cuyler! I hope his birthday party is a smashing success – I’m sure it will be. xoxoxo
Thank you. I have 2 boys 15months apart who, are polar opposites just as you described. My 4yo Sebastian just had his birthday and my (almost) 3yo Dominic quite obviously didn’t understand all the fuss. At the party, Seb had a blast with his friends. I put on a bubble machine to try to entice Dom to get involved (he loves bubbles), but while the other kids ran around chasing bubbles, he sat and watched the machine. I pulled out Seb’s dress up trunk, while all the kids dressed up Dom led their parents around by the hand to try to get them to put him on the swing or blow more bubbles.
That night after everyone had gone home with the kids safely tucked in bed, exhaustion set in and I cried myself to sleep as I realised that Dom’s birthday is coming up soon and even though he goes to daycare, he has no friends to invite.
I needed to hear that it won’t always be the case. One day we will have a birthday party with (egg free) cake and lots of friends. I’m sure in a few weeks time, you’ll have that many screaming kids on your hands, that you’ll secretly wish some of them had stayed home.
All the best and happy birthday Cuyler! X
is Eva in daycare during the week? My mom has been watching her once a week but will be stopping soon, maybe we could plan a get together for the girls? l’d love to see you and it would be so cool for them to meet, let me know 🙂
I hope you are pleasantly surprised and have a good turnout. I wish we lived near each other, my kids would totally come to the party. (Not to mention having the support of a friend with an autistic child like I have nearby!)
Move back here! Eva and Abby would get along fantastic!! They are the same age!
It’s so hard to see our kids unhappy or shunned. What about nursery school? or do you need all day? Any mom-tot programs around that you could take her to and meet some new friendlier friends?
Hey Chris,
I’m in a similar position with Abby (although not autistic). She doesn’t have any friends around our place (old neighbourhood) and is in daycare half a week which makes it really hard to make friends. All the kids already there 5 days a week have established their alliances and treat her like a novelty.
She is 3-1/2 and already telling me that she doesn’t like going to school because she has no friends. I can’t believe that this is already a problem yet cannot ignore the constant comments from her. I didn’t think i’d be getting into this crap for a few years, help!