I’m sure my fellow parents think of bedtime in a household with six children and shudder. I won’t lie, it can be tricky and we’ve had to put some of our best problem-solving skills to the test to make it work. And even then, things can go off the rails – especially on nights when Daddy-o is away and I’m flying solo. But, generally my kids go to bed well. They’ve met the version of me who loses her patience when it comes to bedtime monkey business and stalling tactics and no one likes her. Life is a little sweeter around our house if they don’t kick up a fuss when it’s time to hit the sack.
Here are my survival strategies for making it through the bedtime routine without losing my cool:
– Parents who have kids who go to bed nicely are not “lucky”. It has nothing to do with “luck” and everything to do with establishing consistent bedtime routines and expectations around behaviour;
– Whether you’re a 10-year-old or a one-year-old, children in our house all go to bed at the same time. Staggering bedtimes is disruptive. One parent organizes the baby, the other parent tucks in the five others;
– Don’t give in to their stalling tactics. If a kid complains of hunger on the way to bed, I’ll hand over a slice of cheese if I’m feeling generous. If the complaining continues, they are reminded how good their toast and Rice Krispies will taste come breakfast time. We have snack time an hour before bed so I’m not worried that anyone is actually hungry. And if they are, a heartier snack choice is sure to be made the following night;
– Send them to bed early – there is no need to be looking at their adorable little faces late into the evening. Sometimes their activities and sports get in the way of our early nights, but generally I like them to be heading into slumber by about 8:00 p.m. Putting off bedtime gets kids over-tired and more difficult to settle. I allow older kids to read in bed.
– I can easily decipher between a kid who is genuinely “scared” and one who is fishing for some extra time. The scared ones get a comforting chat and a pass to hop into bed with a sibling if they are dealing with some irrational (but legitimate) fear.
– We don’t lie down in children’s beds to help them fall asleep. Imagine having to lie down with six kids every night? Independent settlers and sleepers are a necessity in a big family.
– Kids generally stay out of our bed. Although, we recently got a king-sized bed and I’ve woken up some mornings with company – kids have migrated into our bed without us even noticing!
Even though slumber is said to be sweet, bedtime can be a challenging time of day for parents. Just remember – if you want your kids to go to bed nicely, it’s well within your power to make it happen. Well-rested kids mean well-rested parents and there’s nothing sweeter than that.
Julie Cole is the Co-founder of Mabel’s Labels Inc. www.mabel.ca and the proud mama of six. Want to read more? See her blogs at www.mabelhood.com and www.thebabymachine.com
Follow her on twitter: @juliecole
this is great! i am so impressed. 6 kids, wow!
I know how difficult it is to get two children to sleep let alone 6!
I have six children who range in age from 10 – 19 so bedtime has been a challenge. We are very strict with the two youngest who go to bed at 7:30pm (not asleep until 8 or 8:30, but thats ok as long as they are quiet, reading is only sanctioned activity at this time and its mandatory lights out by 8pm. The two youngest are also the only ones i occasionally have to seperate when they decide to be difficult, then they are seperated for the night in one of their siblings rooms just so its not dragged out late into the night. Our next two older ones, 13 and 14 are in bed by 9pm the latest and usually at 8:30 they are asked to wind down and get ready as when its 9pm its lights out no matter what. The 16 year old is in bed by 9 or 10 pm the latest as it depends on his very busy sport schedule and school schedule, but all the kids are pretty good at mulit tasking and are expected to do homework early in the day (right afterschool) or on their breaks at school if they know they have sports late. I dont allow them staying up late for homework unless its exam time because they are very capable of getting it done earlier and usually is more effective. The 19 year old is the night owl and doesnt have a curfew but is expected to cooperate and keep quiet as to not disturb the household. I have always been strict with bedtime as its my time also and we all need down time. We do not allow t.v. or computer in the evening during school week unless needed for homework, but i find this keeps everyone focused on whats important, and they are all so busy in activities that its not a problem.
I’m a big fan of room sharing. My kid who has autism has never had his own room – well, when he was 19 months old, his four month old sister moved in! I have 2 boys in one room, 3 girls in another and the baby is alone.
Christine – have you ever considered some melatonin for your ASD guy? Our guys have seem to have less and sometimes a mg or two really helps.
Julie – I’m curious as to the sleep/bedroom arrangements in your house.
Do your kids share bedrooms?
We just recently put our 2 older boys (7.5 & 9) in the same bedroom and contrary to what I was anticipating, bedtime routine has suddenly gotten easier. Boys are sleeping better.
In recent months our middle child (who has autism) had become quite a challenge to settle at night, but since they became roommates – it’s been a breeze. I think his brother being in the room with him is having a calming effect.
My daughter (3) – has always been a breeze (at least at bedtime…)
You have some lucky kids, lady – you’re amazing! You must be doing something right if your 10 year-old is happy going to bed at 8pm still 😉 I too let my older child read, listen to her iPod, etc. before falling asleep. I find that I just need that hour on my own with the kids in bed and just can’t have them staying up later than 9 or so. We have finally just managed to get over the “I need you to lie with me” hump (lasted many years) and I usually don’t find myself with any visitors in bed either, and I find sleep to be sweeter than ever now that I’m actually getting some!
Carrie – the ratio of kids to parent changes depending on child ages. When we do stagger, it’s only slightly – get the big ones off to bed and quiet before putting the baby down. You can imagine how annoying it is for a sleeping baby to be disturbed. When I have had babies sharing rooms, we put them down at the same time, with cribs side by side. However, I NEVER nap babies in the same room – afternoon naps and they are divided.
Jen – the thing is, you do what suits your family. My sister has a little lie down in the bed with her kid every night. They enjoy that time and my sister doesn’t mind. You do what suits you….but I have to say, even when I had two kids, there was no lying down with people – but I’m a little hard core. LOL!
You’re amazing, Julie! I have broken and continue to break every single one of your rules. But, since we are 2 kids/2 adults we actually don’t mind too much. When they were younger it was different but now, especially with my older one who continues to have “sleep challenges”, I actually don’t mind the nighttime cuddles. He is getting so big soon he won’t want me for anything!
I found it interesting that you said one parent does the big guys and one does the baby…I always thought that must be how it would work with multiple kiddos but was never quite sure!
Would be interested to know if you ever had to stagger bedtimes with kids who share a room? (ours will be bunking in together one of these days) Or did they just get used to being in there together and eventually sort themselves out?
Great post!