I was inspired to write this post by Hands Free Mama who wrote a post with this name and by Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly. They seem like opposite ideas but they are not. Daring greatly is to be vulnerable and connect with people and what better way to do that than to celebrate ordinary achievement.
In my experience as a girl, a woman, a student, a mother and a teacher, I have learned the cultural lessons transmitted by our society and our media.
I am not enough.
Not skinny enough.
Not fit enough.
Not smart enough.
Not successful enough.
Not a good enough mother.
Not a good enough teacher.
Not sexy enough.
Too loud.
Not enough.
I have been spending the last few years unlearning these lessons and it’s bloody hard work. I certainly wish I unlearned them earlier, or even better, never learned them in the first place.
I truly believe that shame plays a huge role in this, read Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, and watch her Ted Talks here and here, for background on this. I also wrote about it here, and got some unkind feedback. I stopped writing for a variety of reasons, one being that I needed the break from the Judgy McJudgerson’s of the world (thanks to Sober Julie for that title) because I was in too sensitive a place for it. I stopped reading all blog comments to get this break.
So I’ve been building up my shame resilience and I’m in a much better place. Now I need to focus on my girls’ shame resilience, and my students’ shame resilience. For I see, every day, the fear of being wrong, looking stupid, not being enough. I see how they transition to this thinking as they grow older, in part because of society and the system’s expectations of them. These poor kids receive a barrage of messages that they have to win, get good marks, be popular, the best dancer, skater, hockey player. They learn to measure success by comparing themselves to others.
I am following Hands Free Mama and the Hands Free Revolution this year.
So in 2013 success for my family will mean:
- Expressing our gratitude daily.
- Celebrating love.
- Giving to others.
- Being together.
- Enjoying the story.
- Finding joy in the little things, drawing, singing, snuggling, playing, cooking, eating and living.
- Spending more time outside, skiing, walking, sledding, swimming, canoeing, hiking, observing.
- Letting go of expectations.
For my job and students it will mean:
- Doing what I can within the system and giving up the idea that there is something wrong that I can fix.
- Looking at our mistakes as opportunities.
- More student choice and voice.
- Enjoying the story and not ruining it by over analyzing.
- Solving problems together and sharing our learning online.
- Looking critically at media and social messages.
If you want to see what my class is up to check out our class blog and the students’ individual blogs.
2013 will be a year of celebrating ordinary achievement.
This is what it looks like to me:
Love it Erin. (and love the Sober Julie shout out…we go way back!).
Happy Happy new Year to you!!!!
Good for you, Erin! I think it’s a lifelong “thing” to work on, but it has to get easier with practice, as all things tend to do. Happy New Year to you, friend!! xox
Great post and great goals, Erin!
The only path to happiness is through acceptance – and you have to start by accepting yourself first. Hard for all of us to do, but if we keep striving at it every day, we won’t even have to make lists like these because it will just be part of how we live our lives.