For years John has been telling me that I’m too hard on myself and that he thinks most women are. We’re never good enough in our own eyes.
Women are ugly.
Women are fat.
Women are bad mothers. Women are bad wives. Women are bad daughters.
Women are lousy cooks. Women don’t keep their houses clean enough.
Women have too much cellulite in their thighs. Their abdomens are too flabby. Their under-arms are too Jell-oesque.
Women are terrible singers. They are terrible dancers. They are terrible public speakers.
Women are stupid. Women are scatter-brained.
Women are weak. They are powerless. They are defenseless.
Women don’t dress well enough. They don’t have clear enough complexions. They have too many freckles.
Women don’t have full enough lips. They don’t have skin that is soft enough.
Women are too dominant. Women are too passive.
Women are too mean. Women are too nice. Women are nothing but doormats.
Women aren’t good enough. Women will never be good enough.Women are, simply put, worthless. Dan Pearce @ Single Dad Laughing
I’ve said some of these things about myself. I’m trying to stop and am getting more successful at not being to hard on myself. I’m working on that growth mindset.
I think blaming it entirely on men and the media is too simplistic.
I think that most of us are too angry with our selfs for not being perfect, even if other people forgive us we can’t do the same. Offcourse we are also agnoring that and are afraid to admit that we are angry, let is stand forgiving ourselfs. The first step is probably forgiving and trying to accept yourself as you are. That is very dificult but not impossible. Another thing that i am always worried about is that we (women) are the ones who don’t support other women and try to bring other woman down. Most of us do that all the time. Men don’t do this to us. It is us…… Lets stop doing that right now.
we are the 99% 🙂
the ‘goals’ he writes about are unattainable and i can’t figure out for the life of me why 99% of us strive for that.
all my bad choices were made when my self esteem was low- I did not know it was low at the time- it is just that I see how I feel now and how I regard myself as being at my best that I see the difference in how I felt years ago
How is self esteem nurtured? That is the question and that is what we need to focus on with our kids.
Wome can be as cruel to themselves as they can be to each other. And I hate both of those aspects of my team.
Having said that I seem to be surrounded by strong self loving supportive women. Thankfully.
I think a lot of these negative ideas come from the media, and other women, and ourselves. I agree with Tracey, a lot of these ridiculous expectations come from fashion magazines and other media. And girls start reading/watching them as preteens! It’s the same with those home-making magazines, and some parenting magazines – do they make you feel capable and empowered and proud of what you are doing? Or do they make you look at yourself, your home and your children, and feel that everything needs to be improved? You need to lose weight and get fit, you need a fashion, makeup and hair makeover, you need to redecorate your home, and plan spectacular menus and parties, and read 6 self-improvement books… and your kids need to wear the cutest clothes, sign up for the latest classes, and you need to be mindful of another 27 rules of good parenting every time you speak to them? It’s exhausting.
So yeah, I don’t read those magazines much, but I hear those messages sometimes and fall into the trap of feeling lousy. I would rather my kids read books and magazines with some literary and artistic value, and educational content – at least most of the time. We watch little network TV, mostly recorded movies with no ads. (even those have lots of sneaky messages.) But that world is out there, my son and daughters are preteens now and beginning to care more about appearances and keeping up with their peers… It’s a real challenge to navigate that world, and teach them to question the messages, see through stereotypes, and feel reasonably good about themselves.
I don’t know why (many) women struggle with many (if not all!) the items listed here, but self-worth does seem to be a common thread in the lives of a lot of women I know, including myself. It’s kind of weird. (And yes, I’m sure men face similar issues…)
I stopped reading fashion magazines in my early twenties, once I realised that for the most part, they only made me feel bad about myself. I don’t fall into the trap of “the airbrush” at all. I know false eyelashes when I see them.
I think the best way to rise above it all is too surround ourselves with like-minded women friends – so we can build each other up, and not tear each other down. Or, at least not be surrounded by negative chatter that pokes holes in healthy self-esteem. Hmmmm…
Another great post, Erin! 🙂
Where is ‘women are terrible drivers’ on this list? Cause I’ve said that a ton….I can admit. But then I drive with my dad….
Anyway – I love that you’re writing these posts and I do think the main issue is girls and the media as well. But the more I’ve been thinking – boys are suffering too. Don’t be too emotional; be the tough guy; be the provider…. I like that you added the (probably men too) because I think men/boys have their own issues to live up to – it just doesn’t revolve around beauty….
I know many men who stress/depress about not living up to that archaic stereoptype of making more money and providing for the family etc. It’s something I think of a ton as a mother of a boy….hmm…maybe I should write about this…:)