Dear lice,
I’m normally a very tolerant person to all most creatures great and small, but I can tell you I’m not alone in hating you and wanting you out of my life. I’d wager (and win!) that even pro-life vegan tree-huggers all want you to die as badly as I do. Even Tibetan monks. (They shave their heads to avoid you, I’m certain.) Because you suck. Literally. You parasidic, reprehensible creatures… I want you all to die.
Not only do you make me feel dirty and weird with your very presence, but the added workload of extra laundry, vacuuming, and the endless hours of nit-picking through my daughter’s magnificent Chaka Khan hair is absolutely a scourge on my household, on my biceps, and I dare say, on my sanity. I mean, really. You exhaust me.
It is lucky for you for me this child’s kinky hair is more “caucasian” than her brother’s (who’s head we simply shave whenever you show up) and I seem able to save hers. At least this time. Because I’m vigilant as a muther, and I will not rest until you are destroyed.
And destroy you, I will, you fornicating matriarchs. Because I want you to die. Every last one of you.
But, fear not – I am not masochistic – I want you to die as quickly as possible, as I get no pleasure in seeing your numbers dwindle. Please… just die. Be gone. Vamoose, varmints. Sayonara, suckers. Get the hell out of my goddamned house, louse. Er… lice.
And make no mistake… if I could kick you all in the tacos, I totally would.
Until we meet again,
Grumble Girl
Just break out the clippers if it happens – at least you know how he looks with short hair (and how much you LOVE it you weirdo – I hope you let him grow a shaggy Sheepdog beard one day…)
🙂
Yesssssss my preeeeciousssss…
Zap, zap, zap…
I dread with every fibre of being the day I meet those effers….
careful with the wine! you’ll see double and think there’s more! yes….buuuurrrnnnnn theeeemmmmm….(gawd…sounding like gollum here)
When my long-haired daughter got the little buggers I pulled the individual hairs out. She didn’t even notice. It was less painful to her than combing all the way through those long curly strands. I didn’t think to burn them. That would have been fun.
DEATH FIRST!!
Is it bad that I already had two bottles of wine?
PS – I might be better satisfied if I burned them… bastards. *shakes angry fist at sky*
NEVER cut that hair. Ever.
gah! okay, listen up…girl hair. this is what i do cuz one just can’t shave a girl’s head.
when i find a nit (not the bug) i take the single hair and cut it below the nit near the scalp then (with a candle nearby) i burn the %$@$& and it makes a wee popping sound that makes me happy. that way, you don’t have to pull it out the full length of the hair and risk losing it on the floor.
if there’s actual bugs, then you’ll still have to comb through but they, too, make a satisfying pop when crossed with fire.
good luck and have a bottle of wine when this is all over!