It’s cold as a muther outside.
This is no big surprise – it’s January, and this is Canada… and yet, I still find it alarmingly cold when the thermometer dips quite this low. And as I’ve said a million times before, it’s all just academic anywhere past -20 degrees Celcius. Beyond that is what’s commonly known as CRAZYPANTS cold. It makes me feel like I’m living in CRAZYTOWN, only without suitable CRAZYPANTS with which to keep me warm.
Commence Le Winter Sads.
A friend of mine described herself as feeling like she’s Robert Smith trapped inside a Cure video these days. I totally get the sentiment. Melancholy, yo. I too feel like I’m shuffling along with shocking bedhead, super-sad eyes, and CRAZYPANTS red lipstick bleeding outside of my natural lip line. Except of course, I don’t actually have that kind of hair… but if I did, I’d be rocking an Edward Scissorhands up-do, for sure. Someone please pass the black eyeliner. And some wine.
Oh, I feel you, brother…
I do love when people love this kind of weather. I love when people get out there and SKATE! And SKI! And do ALL THE HOCKEY! They basically live out all their winter dreams, just enjoying the crap out of the season. Sadly, this is not me.
I think it’s great when people excitedly shout, “Go get some hot chocolate!” This sounds like a rich reward for a punishingly cold winter’s day, but it’s misery in disguise. (Congratulations! You managed to keep ALL your extremities! Bravo… here, burn yourself with this.) To me, commercially sold hot chocolate is nearly always a disappointing, scalding hot drippy-cup full of suck that only ever manages to blister my mouth and hurt my feelings.
At this time of year, many will just shrug and say, “Well, there’s no sense complaining about it…” and then they put their snow-pants on and ski to work, or whatever. I wish I was this sort, but this is not me, either.
My winter sport is complaining about the winter. And I’m reeeeeally, really good at it. Like, gold-medal good at it. (Hey, everyone needs a hobby.)
I don’t want to attempt to do anything in the snow with my kids when it feels like -33 outside. It’s nothing but a drag to me, and I enjoy no part of it. I find fighting to stay warm at this time of year so very exhausting – when I get back indoors from doing anything, I feel like I need a nap. It’s totally oppressive.
Someone said, “indoor skating rink” to me the other day. *blink* Pardon? What the… what? I also reject man-made cold, thank-you. You know those places are still FULL OF ICE, right?
Another friend of mine said something about Inuit people sending their kids out to play in this kind of weather… but I reminded her that Inuit are imaginary, like leprechauns. And dinosaurs. At least, I’m pretty sure they’re just fables. Its unnatural for humans to endure this kind of cold and be happy about it.
The upside of doing anything these days is the fact that there are less people outdoors as normal, so getting in line to do regular things take little to no time. I even got a last-minute appointment at the aesthetician this week, since my lady had a bunch of cancellations at her salon. It would seem that people like to keep their hair when it’s CRAZYPANTS cold like this. Perhaps that’s my problem – nekkidness in the down-there parts can’t possibly be a good thing, can it? I don’t know why I bother – it’s not as if I’m taking any of my clothes off before May anyhow. Man, I hope I don’t get chapped…
And if you put your hands on my cheeks to demonstrate how cold your digits are, be prepared to lose them. Do NOT touch me with your blocks-of-ice hands, please. I. Will. Cut. You.
Nay, I decided this winter I would lay especially low. We did not end up getting our flu shots this year (it’s still not too late, I understand) and I hate to jinx myself, but so far we’re just staving off light sniffles and things. Exhaustion will do me in if I’m not careful – I know this about myself. So, I’m trying my best not to be too cranky, and to just chill the hell out and not cry too much. (I never find this to be easy. Le sigh.)
Four months to go. Suuuuuuck…
Got le winter sads or do you love it all?
LOVE your style. I catch your drift, like what your selling and I’ll take what you’re dishin’ out. Couldn’t describe the BLAH that is Canadian Winter better than what you just did here! Thanks for this and I look forward to seeing more from you!
I’m with you. As Canadian as they come (my ancestors got here in 1783, for crying out loud), and I do love this country, but I have never and will never get used to winter. I love green Christmases and January thaws and RAIN in the winter (which I don’t need to shovel). The only upside is the days are getting longer. I live for April.
Well, I also hate the crazypants cold days, of which we get ample out here in Alberta. But as for the regular everyday cold? I don’t mind it too much as long as I’m dressed for it. And skiing or skating? If it’s between 0 and -10, I’m all for it. Funny about the hot chocolate – just a few weeks ago I took the girls skiing one evening and when we went into the lodge to warm up I got a hot chocolate from the little push-the-button-and-hot-chocolate-spurts-out-machine and when I sat my cold, tired bum down on the nasty hard cafeteria bench I found it to be the tastiest bevvie going. Context.
Agreed. I’ve lived in Canada my whole life, and I still have not gotten used to winters, here. Cold. Dark. Sniffly. Blaaaaahhh. Four months of winter, plus at least a month of snow on either side = Time to Move! Or, so claims my daughter, who has a lengthy list of tropical climates more appropriate for our physiology but, sadly, no budget. In other news, Prana sells fleece-lined pants that do generous things to my ass… Silver linings, right?
I am with you – and also laughing and reading parts aloud to mr to illustrate that I’m not alone here! The only thing I have found that helps when children want to do outdoorsy things in that last year I bought snowpants – snowboard pants, in fact, which are shockingly well fitting and nothing like the snowpants I remember from childhood, and it’s AMAZING how much of a difference it makes when you aren’t freezing your ass off in your jeans. But for everyday? When I am not going to wear snowpants to, say, get to work? HATE. I live for May.
i love the winter. we had that nice 13degree high break for a weekend a while back which was a nice little oasis…but this is great! it’s not too bad when you’re out walking in it and it’s so sunny and nice! i don’t like the up and down temps and all that. i’m good with it being cold until the end of february (well, maybe not the crazytown cold we’ve been having but you know!)
RE the flu shot – I went to CLSC Metro this morning for mine. Surprisingly very efficient, in & out of there in less than 1/2 hour (including 15 minute wait time after the shot.)
You can go without an appointment 8-4 weekdays 3rd floor clinic.
Oh my dear, life is NOT better at the start of April… it’s full of freezing rain and out-of-the-blue flurries and other natural disasters like that. I need to keep my gloves in my purse until the end of May. Winter sometimes feels like a firm SIX months or longer. Super-Sad Sadness. Poop.
But, I do get to visit with YOU and your magical little person soon – it will be the highlight of the season FOR SURE!! Can’t wait. Until then, I’ll be sippin’ on that Bailey’s with my butt in the fireplace.
Four months?? Wha? No my love – no! Two! We’re almost in Feb by the start of April – life is so much better no? And sandwiched in between those two months is a weekend together! We can do this!! I know easy to say as I’m going away but I just hate when you’re sad. Screw the hot chocolate – pour some baileys in good coffee – that’s the ticket!!!