Okay, I gotta get it out. I’m sick of people who decide “not to lie” to their kids about things like Santa and the Tooth Fairy, but can’t manage to get their kids to keep the secret from the children of the rest of us evil, child-deceiving liars.
Three years ago, I was Christmas shopping with my youngest daughter when I spied an acquaintance from my kids’ school standing in the Santa photo line at the mall. I went up to say hello and commiserate about the long wait to see the man in red, when the little girl (who was in kindergarten at the time) piped up, “oh, I know Santa’s not real and it’s the mom and dad who bring the presents”, right in front of my then four year-old! I had to do some fast and fancy footwork and distraction to overcome that one, I’ll tell ya. (And this anecdote begs the question: why would you stand in line and pay $10 to have your daughter’s picture taken with a man she knows is a myth?)
And then yesterday, my little gal (now nearly 7) lost her first tooth.
And yes, I do know that it’s more common to lose one of the bottom front teeth first, but what can I say? She’s special. Anyway, she was so incredibly excited that she literally floated ten centimetres off the ground for the rest of the night. She speculated endlessly about how much money the Tooth Fairy would leave her, how she would know about the lost tooth, what her friends would say the next day at school and could the TF possibly be prevailed upon to let her keep her tooth?
Well, after a lovely voicemail from the TF herself, who sounded spookily like Julie Andrews in the movie of the same name (thanks Jen!) and a hair-raising search for the missing (AKA forgotten) money this morning, my daughter was thrilled to learn that she had somehow managed to not only keep her tooth but score five dollars along with it! For the record: apparently the tooth fairy is VERY generous with first teeth, especially when she realizes at 6:00 a.m. that she has FORGOTTEN TO COME when said child wakes up to find her tooth and NO MONEY under her pillow.
But: thanks to some quick thinking (and a thankfully NOT cashless wallet), and a little bit of “ohmygosh! Look here, behind your mattress! I think I found something!” my daughter’s spirits were restored and she was back to walking on air. Until one of her friends at school told her that the TF is actually the mom or dad, and not in fact a supernatural benefactor with a weird (and let’s be frank: disgusting) fetish for human teeth.
AGAIN with the bursting of bubbles and destruction of childhood fantasies! And this is in grade one. My oldest is in grade four and spilled the beans to me this year that she was hep to the jive about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the TF, and it was okay. I get that by the time they’re 9 or 10 it’s gonna come out and frankly probably should. She was sworn to secrecy, though, and kept up the act not only for her younger sister but also for some of her less worldly friends.
Which is what I’m talking about. Listen: I get that some people have strong beliefs (religious or otherwise) that compel them to go against the grain on the whole Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. childhood myths. I personally disagree (because I think childhood is a magical time full of wonder and joy and why not foster and encourage that?) but that’s a whole other post. And I also happen to think that folks like the Tooth Fairy, who are generous and kind (and omniscient) aren’t all that different from other beings whose existence can also be questioned but who many of these same people teach their children to believe in. But that’s definitely a whole other post, and arguably best not touched, even with the proverbial ten foot pole.
So, back to the point. You have the right to tell your kids whatever you want, about whatever you want. You have the right to tell them that there is no Santa, or Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. But, you have to know that most parents tell their kids these wonderful gift-giving creatures are real. And here’s the thing: the wonderful, magical, innocent period of childhood where our children actually believe that someone other than their parents would care enough about them to trade a fiver or a toonie for their gross dead teeth is so sweet and fleeting that it shouldn’t be ruined by kids whose parents have chosen not to perpetuate these common myths with their own offspring, but clearly haven’t taught them to keep the secret to themselves.
So to all you non-Santa-ish folks out there: tell your kids what you like, but could you please ask them not to tell my kids just yet?
I would like my kids to believe in Santa/TF/Easter Bunny etc for as long as they can because it’s magical. I believed in them as a kid, I don’t feel corrupted or lied to in anyway. What harm does it do?!
It’s exciting the morning of the holiday to jump out of bed to see what Santa brought or to find the eggs that the Easter Bunny hid.
If my kids came out and asked if they were real would I lie and say “oh yes! Absolutely!” no, I wouldn’t, I would ask them if they believed in it and if they still do, then so be it. Why blurt out “You’re right, it was mommy and daddy.”?
I think parents should teach their kids not to tell everyone else that they don’t exist. Just because your kids don’t believe in it anymore it shouldn’t be ruined for other families. They’re all going to learn at some point that they don’t exist, so just enjoy the time that they do!
Even as an adult Santa brings me gifts. I like that. It still brings magic to Christmas and it doesn’t feel like “just another holiday”.
Hold on just a minute….what do you mean there is no Santa????
nym, first of all I never called you self-righteous…I think “party-pooper” was the term I used 🙂
Secondly, here’s what I did when my oldest (7 at the time, now 9.5) asked me if Santa was in fact just the mom and dad: I said, “what do YOU believe?” and she responded, “I don’t know, but I’d really like it if Santa was real,” and I left it at that and sure enough, 2 years later she was ready to tell me that although she’d been a bit doubtful for the last 2 holiday seasons, she was sure that Santa didn’t exist. It was ZERO struggle at all for me to say something along the lines of “yes, sweetheart, you’re right. But please don’t tell your little sister or your friends who still believe.” I also checked her mental & emotional state, but she wasn’t troubled by the deception at all…more like she felt a little bit more grown up for being “in” on the big adult secret.
And as for the correlation between the Tooth Fairy, Santa, etc. and babies in cabbage patches, I just don’t buy it. My kids often asked where babies came from, and I always answered them directly, without offering more than they asked, starting with “they grow in the Mommy’s tummy”, and then when that progressed to “how did the baby get there?”, I added, “the Daddy has a seed and the Mommy has an egg and when they come together they make a baby,” and when they finally said “but HOW does the sperm get in the egg?” I told them the truth. But because I respect other parents’ right to tell their kids WHATEVER they want about it (including storks, cabbage patches or on an escalator from heaven), I made it clear to my kids that this was NOT something they should tell their friends. I explained that it’s best to hear it from your own parents so it wasn’t appropriate for them to tell anyone. Simple.
And that’s all I’d ask from anyone else. And I don’t think it’s too much to ask.
Argh! One of my kids lunch “helpers” (who is in gr 5) decided to tell a class of 2’s & 3’s that Santa was not real. She lost her job as lunch helper…
I was LIVID.
But I pulled out our copy of The Polar Express and our Elf On The Shelf made his first appearance and all was well again.
I agree – if you believe in the spirit of Christmas then you will always believe.
I get sad thinking about my oldest finally realizing. Although I think he’ll be a great co-conspirator with his younger siblings.
Here I am – one of those described self-righteous dream-killers.
First of all, let me say – we all lie to our kids, about all sorts of things. In everyday life: No, of course I didn’t forget! / No, Mommy’s not mad at Daddy / Of course I was watching! At family events: Of course I like Cousin Fred!! Waiting in line at Winner’s: That candy over there is just for looking at. When they’re older: No, I never ____ / Yes, tried but didn’t like it / Yes, only once in college.
Hopefully, when parents lie, there’s a point; a reason why the truth doesn’t serve. Hurt feelings, avoidance of public tantrums or family friction, etc.
I have many friends who are into perpetrating the whole TF / Santa thing. It mildly bemuses me, as they no doubt are bemused by me on occasion. Their kids are happy and normal. So are mine. It’s not a judgement thing.
When my son (now 14) lost his first tooth, we told him to put it under his pillow for the Tooth Fairy and he was very happy to do so. BUT when he asked me the next morning, toonie in hand, if a fairy had really come in last night and exchanged his tooth for money, I chose not to lie to his face about something so absurd and admitted it had really been Daddy.
What would you have had me do next? Crouch to face him as I gently explained that if anyone ever brings up the subject of the TF, he should keep his mouth shut, because their parents wanted them to keep believing in fairies ‘cuz it’s so darned cute?
That’s what I find odd – that you begrudge the natural process of your kid catching you out on the schoolyard. Next you’ll be in arms over your grade 5-er (if you’re lucky btw) discovering babies don’t really grow in a cabbage patch. Those horrible parents! If they had to be straight with their kids about sex, could they at least have made sure their child doesn’t mention it to any of the kids whose parents aren’t ready for them to know the facts yet?
Yes, it is the same thing. Just applied to a different age group. Especially if you want to compare the TF to God (!!) Whether he exists or not. Only one of many, many errors in this analogy is the fact that people who tell their children ‘stories’ actually believe in it themselves! They are not sitting back watching their kids pray and chuckling at how adorable they look. For the record, I’m not reigious either but I am logical.
Jen, you just claimed Santa and the Tooth Fairy as one of your or your child’s ‘beliefs’.
Seriously?
I remember when my (now 22year old) daughter was 5 and on Christmas Eve she called me into her room after I had tucked her in.
She said “I know it’s you that brings the presents and that Santa isn’t real”….well my heart broke and I just sort of mumbled as I was trying to come up with a reply.
Then, she put up her hand and said “Mummie! Shhhhh!” and I said “What?” she replied “Do you hear that?” I said “Um…hear what?” she furrowed her little brow and said “Reindeer!”
I really would like to slap all the people that call believing in magic lying. Every year we watch the movie Elf on Christmas Eve and my now grown daughters still stay, as long as you believe, Santa is real 🙂
Ooooh, these really burns me up. My fondest memories from childhood centre around the magic of Christmas! I don’t feel “damaged” or “lied to” but totally appreciate the wonder as well as the message of selfless generosity Santa embodies. Like Julie, I still believe in Santa and his spirit of giving.
My children attend school with many kids of other religions but we have yet to experience an incident where one of these children ruins it for another. My son believed until this year – he was 10 – and many of his friends still believe. He cried when he finally realized it wasn’t all real. He wasn’t angry but sad that a piece of this magic, his childhood, was behind him. Now he loves the responsibility of keeping the secret and passing on this legacy to his 7 year-old little sister. I would be REALLY upset of someone gave it away to her.
This just oozes self-righteousness. You respect their beliefs so they should respect yours.
i had a talk with a mum all worried about her “lying” to her kid re: santa and all that. if there was such an issue with it, there would be more messed up grownups nowadays. we all got lied to as well and i still believe in santa…i should say the magic of santa. and i made my mom put out the santa presents after i went to bed until the day i left home at 20 just to have some magic.
i am not a religious person and i really had to bite my tongue with this parent because i knew she went to church! she doesn’t want to lie to her kids about santa but promotes other stories. that threw me for a loop.