I wouldn’t bother to polish the bathroom chrome if I didn’t think he noticed or appreciated it.
* * *
If ours is to be a long marriage (and I hope it is) then I suppose we will look back on these years as being the middle part. I’m not sure what all the right components or ingredients are, or if there’s a list that works for everyone in the same way, but today, our eleventh wedding anniversary, I know I’m still happy to see my husband when he comes home at night, and I make sure to tell him so, with a smile, every day. It’s a small thing, but he smiles back and hugs me in a way that says we each feel lucky to have the other. It’s still a lovely feeling, even after this much time has passed between us. Added to the six years spent before we married, all together it feels more like a hundred. (But in the good way.)
We are comfortable. And, we are together.
I don’t feel anxious about us anymore. I used to worry all the time about silences… but in actuality, I married a very quiet man, and there is nothing complicated or loaded about his sometimes near-muteness. I’ve learned to give him the benefit of the doubt, and to just let him be as he is. He’s just language-efficient, (whereas I can make conversation enough for us both, from now until the end of time) and he is a good listener – he is knowledgeable, and rational. He always tells the truth, in the gentlest of ways. He is a quiet, gentle man. A gentleman, to be certain. And I sure do like him an awful lot.
Regular life can wear on the steadfastness of all things, of course. Raising children has it’s own set of perils… September brings the mounting weight of back-to-school bills from supplies and apparel, and another expensive house renovation on the horizon… and I can’t help but wonder at times if I’m actually up for the task, but we have each other to lean on, and we have each other’s backs. Time marches on (right across my face, it sometimes seems) but this nice man sitting beside me tells me I’m pretty, so at least there’s that.
The Team that we are – that we’ve built together – is facing tough times, and changes, and storms we’re preparing to weather together… his mother is sick. But, as we are a couple, and indeed, we are a Team, this means that our mother is sick. One of our mothers is nearing the end of her life and neither of us has ever been here before. There isn’t really anything to say, because… there just isn’t. So we share bits of news about what’s happening around this thing, and we look at each other and we sigh. And we hug. And we cry. And we share the load in the only way you can when someone’s mom is dying and you don’t know what to say or do, and you don’t know how to help. You just hug it out, and we each take our turn keeping our chin up, because we both can’t be down at the same time, or our Team can’t work.
And so, as the onset of this autumn falls on us, we find ourselves married for eleven years, already. And I remember how we spent our first anniversary, still reeling and clutching each other, sobbing, camped out in front of the television, trying to make sense of the 9/11 tragedy… it’s all still so recent. Real and unreal. Still like yesterday.
He says, “I’ve known you a long time.”
“Yes,” I whisper, and he draws me in for a close, proper hug, where his arms envelop me completely, and even our stomachs are touching, and I am struck by the thought at how happy I am that he still hugs me this way. That he still loves me this way.
Because we’re in the middle part of our marriage, which has got to be the longest and hardest part of the journey, doesn’t it? This is the part where it’s easy to become complacent. Or bored. Or apathetic. (Or just plain pathetic.)
* * *
My husband knows how to take care of himself. He cooks well. He irons his own shirts. He cleans like a miracle. He values a well-maintained, tidy space, and he knows how to make his environment such.
And it’s because I know he knows what it takes to make things so, I will wipe water spots off faucets, and rinse toothpaste out of the basin. He knows these details are extras, and he doesn’t take them for granted. He doesn’t take me for granted. I fold t-shirts and socks in nice ways because it looks lovely in the drawer, and I know it makes him smile. (It’s also where I sometime tuck in small chocolates, or postcards with erotic images on them… surprises are always delightful.) Because it’s something that he loves and values – I wouldn’t do it otherwise. And later he will smile and say, “The bathroom looks beautiful…” because he always does. Because he always notices these small things. That is why I do them.
So, here’s to the middle part of what I hope is to be a long marriage. Let’s hope it’s good. And fun! And sexy. And loving. And full of easy smiles…
…and let’s hope it’s gentle.
That is just the NICEST thing to say, Lovely… thank you so much.
Mean it,
t. xox
I hope we all get to bask in the good stuff… especially you, woman. 🙂
Thanks, lady – and yes, we ARE friends!! xox
Love. Leeeeeee.
And wonderful of you to express your love. In this age of aloof coolness or gushing exaggeration, you have a candour that makes my heart flutter and makes me want to speaks so nicely to and about my partner.
love ya,
mean it
Id
awwwww ‘le sigh’ you have a way of ticking my heart ,your words are so well thought out and acurate and raw and real…life is fragile and precious and must be protected and love even more so ..you are both lucky …but we make our luck and our own happiness.
keep doing all you do and grow old together living and loving every morsel you have ….xoxo
you are my heros…..
Simply. Beautiful.
Happy Anniversary my friends. ( I already consider M a friend).
Thanks, doll. Something tells me you have that too… it’s good, the kind of love that makes us bigger. Yes. Exactly, yes. 🙂
I wish he would actually massage my feet… but he sends me for massages sometimes, so that’ll do too. 😉
Thanks for always reading, Aileen… xox
Thanks, my friend. I know you’ll love him too… 😉
We really are, lady. Yay!
Oh, honey. Beautifully said. Happy anniversary to you and your man and your crazy, comfortable love. We should all have what you have, sweet lady. It’s the kind of love that makes us bigger :
Just lovely. The best part for me is that you don’t just love each other, you appreciate each other, and make an effort to show it or say it. Wishing you many, many more years of such happiness.
And a picture is worth a thousand words. Legs on lap, one foot in big hands – it speaks volumes of comfortableness and closeness with each other, but still of intimacy and sexiness. Foot massages are erotic, no?
beautiful poet that you are. I am so happy such a lovely girl has someone good to love.
Beautiful post, Tracey. And I totally hear you. Aren’t we fortunate?
You deserve that wonderful man, Melani Rae… enjoy your lives together. Make it all count. Love in all the ways that are good, and it will always feel both new, and old. Be hopeful! 😉
Thanks so much, sweet Jennifer… xox
Aww, I love this post. I would say congrats if I didn’t find the phrase so devoid of meaning.
M and I are still in the early stages (7 years together-newly married) but I can see us being exactly the same as you describe. We already are in many ways. There is something so reassuring about a calm and gentle man (I have one as well).
And BTW, You look FABOO and YOUNG. (me jealous).
Beautiful Tracey. I have no more words, because they’d pale in comparison to yours. Just beautiful.