The sudden change in weather means a change of schedule at our house. It’s been blazing hot many days at 4 PM, and the children are begging to go outside to play… but there’s still homework for my first-grader to finish (though less and less of it now) and once that’s finally done, it’s time for someone to get the dinner together. *ahem* That would be me, of course.
My decision in this moment consists of a) taking them both outside for a short while, but then dealing with the cries and shrieks when it’s time to go home, since it is NEVER a long enough time outside, b) allowing my seven-year-old to be outside with the slightly older kids, but keeping the three-year-old inside with me, while she shrieks and complains at the unfairness of it all, or c) staying inside to make a full dinner on time, and deal with the shrieking and mayhem of both children, unhappy again at mummy’s mean antics.
When the warm, well-balanced dinner is finally on the table, I get asked How much of this do I have to eat? Seriously.
And then I want to start punching kids in the face. (Just kidding! Kinda.)
Just the other night, I was in the middle of having some foxes over, when I was interrupted by Oliver who came to tell me how unfair it was that I got to have six people over for a playdate, when he can only have two at a time. I sighed heavily, told him we could discuss it in the morning, but that he needed to go back to bed. (I think Martin went to talk to him about it – I have no patience for such shenanigans these days.)
Being the one at home means being the one who is constantly saying “no” to things. It also means you get to the stink eye from little people all the time. Frankly, I’m getting a bit sick of it.
It seems that no matter why you may purchase for them, the next thing you decline = you never get me anything. I understand that pizza lunch, shoes that fit, or summer camps fees mean nothing to the mind of a child. No matter how I try to explain that money doesn’t grow on trees…
What irks me is the final stance I inevitably have to make. No matter how often I bend down, look into their eyes, and calmly explain why you cannot go to the pool with the eleven year old kids (never mind that you can’t even swim yet) or why we are not going out for sushi for lunch today (where’s your money?) or why the other kids are playing outside at 9 PM while you’re in your bed for the night (different house, different rules) it is I who is the mean one. The killjoy. The one who always says no.
I know it’s just because I’m the one here to say it. Martin gets to be the fun one, and the one who says yes to more things, I think. Also, when he says no, he’s never screaming it.
I’m the screamer. Because I have to say it forty billion times a day. Because when I say it/explain it/beg them to understand three or four times, they still come back and taunt me with their whinging and their hand-wringing and their jiggling-up-and-down with squidgy near-tears faces… oh pleeeeeeease, mummy??
Only it doesn’t make me want to give in. It only makes me more furious. Especially when I’ve just screamed said no you cannot have gum for breakfast for the eleventh time before 8 AM.
I sometimes seriously wonder if they’re deaf.
So now, here’s the summer. With the very late-day setting sun, that feels like it cannot possibly be bedtime, but I will try to wrestle them into bed around 8:30 anyway. And there will be fights about having ice cream cones with the other kids at 6 PM… but the other kids have had their dinner already. Or popcicles on the way home from the pool… can we also have chips? Or this chocolate bar? Awww… you never buy me anything!!
It’s just the way it goes, I know, but man, I’m tired already… the new summer schedule is upon us, and already I have zero energy to deal with the pouty faces and malocchio at every turn. I suppose being The Mean One just wears a person down along the way. I guess that why taking up drinking during the daytime feels like such a good idea. (Just kidding! Kinda.)
By this time next week, they’ll both be out of school until the fall. Holy crap.
Pass. The. Wine.
If only we’d been born rich instead of good-looking, we’d have people to cook for us… ack. xox
OMg. i feel like i just wrote that post (except it’s way more eloquent, well-written and humorous!!). we are living the same life. I am the mean one. the one who says no. the one, most important, who is UNFAIR (which by the way, is the most popular word in our house). I love the warm weather, i mean love, love, love. I’m way nicer to people in the summer, and I actually leave the house. However, the big questions that remain unanswered are: what happened to bedtime? how the &^%$% am i supposed to cook dinner if no one will come inside (of course, the minute we enter, the first sound out of their oh-so-charming mouths is “I’m hungry what’s for dinner???”) Of course, dinner must have magically prepared itself, while i was chasing after the baby, and breaking up fights over the hose between the Boy and Girl!
I think I’m ranting! Needless to say, your post touched a nerve.
Oh how I know your pain. At home. And at work. Ahhhhhh!
At home:
“no fair”
“you never get me anything”
“you don’t love me”
etc.
At work:
“no fair”
“we never get to do anything fun”
“so and so did it”
doing what I said no to anyway
I so understand the punching in face impulse.
wow, I sooooooo get this post, it’s like I wrote it! I am always yelling & saying no…why do they make me yell so much?! I am constantly “NO means NO, stop asking MEEE!!!” good to know I’m not alone!
Tracey, “your poor mother” says hang tough. Enough teens terrorize parents, you won’t be one of them. Kiss kiss.
We went on vacation this winter to a small, safe, all inclusive resort and I made it my mantra to say yes as much as possible. The kids ran free, ate numerous ice creams and slushies, and had a ball. And I felt GREAT. It’s good to say yes for a whole week when you usually have to say no.
I am the mean one and the nice one and the fun one (actually not sure about that) and the strict one and the loose one . It is tough. But this time you have is INTENSE but precious. love it, grumbler and keep grumbling – we all love you for it .
Before we got married, I told my hubby that I was not going to be the bad guy. I’d be strict, but he’d have to be the “heavy”.
Ya, it didn’t work out that way. And there are moments when you feel like your head’s going to explode and wouldn’t a margarita on a beach be better than this? But then you get the hugs and little kisses and the pictures made just for you and the mommy I love you, and you take a deep breath and keep going.
Thank goodness for the hugs despite it all – YES!!
Seriously – what IS it with wanting to go back outside at that time?! Oy.
I’m so proud of you for not yelling, sistah… good for you! (And really good for your boy.)
I wonder if this is all payback for being less-than-wonderful-all-the-time children… (my poor mother…)
We pretty much just hang around on the weekends too. I honestly don’t know how to get up and out of the house before 9 AM and go forth and Do! Stuff! It’s a lucky day if we’re out of the house by noon… and it’s usually just to the grocery store, or maybe lamp shopping or something. Man – no wonder my kids think I’m mean!!
How cool of you to say, lady! Thanks so much… wow!! Indeed, it feels so much better knowing we’re all down in the same struggles together sometimes. 🙂
yes…yes….nodding nodding….yes….oh yes…..
your column hit the spot, that’s for sure. i still seem to get hugs at the end of the day so i guess i can’t be too bad…..
Oh a YES day….I love this idea. I was thinking of you last night Tracey while Will was trying to negotiate ‘just a little tiny trip to the park’ at 7:15!!!!!!!! UGH. Hang in there…we are all with you! I think I’ll add ‘no’ to my no yell challenge…(which is proving fruitful these days!!)
Oh my goodness and I thought that I was the only one! To funny! I sit here in my seat laughing at the fact that someone else is going through what I have been going through for just about 9 years…hahaha…..I have a 9 year old that is developing early and having the hardest year of her life right now with all the changes that she doesn’t really want to go through and a 5 year old that is realizing she can start standing up for herself and tell me a what for. I have heard it all You are so mean, you are the meanest mommy out there, just about anything that you can put mean on I am…..little do my kids know what it was like back in the day when spanking was a regular thing in the household! If I don’t make it, bake it, break it, fix, it mix it, give it, buy it, do it, watch it, play it or be it I am mean……It has to be the stay at home syndrom!!! lol It was good to read that other mothers out there are being labeled mean by their little ones as well. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts because really I was just talking about this with my husband the other day. We were thinking why are our kids always saying we are so mean and wondering if we were really that mean. So I love it that it isn’t just us. Thanks again~
Oh, yes. I know all about how unfair I am, and how mean I am, and how I never let my kids do anything fun EVER. Oh, and does it make me tired. It is nice to know I’m not alone, though!
I think a Yes Day sounds fabulous – there is a great picture book about Yes Day, in fact!
I am not the only one who has to be the Mean One, and it still feels neverending sometimes. Why, oh why must I make the same request or instruction seventeen times? These are not stupid children. I hate that we don’t have really all that much time with them during the week, and it seems like the arguing and shenanigans I’ve asked them to stop take up waaay to much of it. We kind of live for the weekend, when we pretty much just hang around. Sometime I think we should try and go out and Do Something more often, but really, it’s nice to just be sometimes, you know?
I have a 2.5 yr old & am going through this too. My hubby/her Daddy works a lot so I’m the one that does most of the dicipline & he is the fun one. I think that SO sucks!
I think I may try a YES day one of these weekends (again within reason & safety) and see what happens.
Tracey – I SO love your blog and always look forward to the next one.
Thanks so much for making me smile & remember that other people go through the same things I am!!
Indeed – enter the cell phone/blackberry years… 7 y.o. wants one of those too. (I laughed at him, I think.)
Having a YES day is a great idea – I really have made efforts to just say YES to as many things as I possibly can, but it never seems to be enough, and I’m still left with a sulky face. (cue sad trombone…) Perhaps the ENTIRE day of YES might work. (Within budget and safety – yes!)
An yeah, school ends early-ish, but my son starts back, I think the last full week of August. Isn’t that sick? Uch. Sometimes I really miss Toronto…
Oh honey I hear you loud and clear.
But I’m getting “SoAndSo has a blackberry!”
Bigger kids, bigger wants. Bigger attitude.
Although I have to admit that I did indulge everybody is a YES day. if they asked for it – I said yes.
Gum for breakfast? yes
Fingerpaint with pudding? yes
No shower or bath today? sure
Can I not brush my teeth? of course
Can we go swimming this afternoon and get ice cream after? you bet
Not clean up my toys? don’t bother
Eat and drink in the family room? go right ahead.
Whatever they wanted within reason of money or safety we did. It was a few years ago and we haven’t done it since. I think one will be in order this summer!
You should move to Ontario – my kids are in school until the 30th!